Compromising for Love

Hey Everyone! How’s it going? I officially have two courses left and I will have my bachelor’s degree. Yippie!

Now that I have gotten that out of the way. The other day I watched a video that was cool and it made me think. The person in the video spoke of how when it came to interracial dating one of his biggest turn offs is people picking a partner based on their skin color.

I left a comment on the video, here’s what I wrote:
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When it comes to seeking a person to be in a committed relationship our interests are important. I love all music however heavy metal is my favorite. I’m a Dallas Cowboys fan!! Having common interests helps us to connect with others. Our interests makes us who we are. Should we compromise who we are for love? So I had a response on my post that said:
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To me the right partner for me will genuinely accept me for who I am without trying to change me into someone that they want me to be. Otherwise the person should be with a completely different person and not me. I have shared my thoughts on interracial dating. When I come across a black man who share my interests they are into white women. And that’s okay. Is there something wrong with being attracted to a certain kind of person?

I made a promise to myself a few years ago that I wouldn’t compromise who I am anymore. I refuse to be someone that I’m not. When we are who we are the right people will connect with us. Everything in my life at this point that I do is important to me right down to my coffee. I’m not sure how true it is but eharmony looks for true compatibility in order to help people find the perfect match. They ask people to be completely honest. We become deprived when we aren’t being ourselves 100 percent. Life is just too short for that. My biggest fear is living to be 80 or 90 years old with a life that filled with more regret than satisfaction or happiness because of my choices. Many times our choices can make huge impact on our lives it’s too much to gamble.

I have said this before compromise should happen once we have found the right one not when we are searching for them. We can’t be with the right one if we are with the wrong one.

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Masculinity

So the other day I was watching a reaction video for Type O Negative. The young lady spoke of how she had not seen masculinity like Peter Steele ever! I was thinking to myself “What kind of men has she seen?” Not just her I have seen other comments too. One video by Type O Negative called “Love You to Death a person assumed that Peter had self-esteem issues because of his lyrics. In the song “Love You to Death, Pete asked “Am I good enough for you?”

First off Peter Steele could have had any woman that he wanted. Peter Steele was a different kind of man. When I think of the lyrics asking “Am I good enough for you?”Perhaps he understood a woman’s worth!!! Which is something that certain men don’t see or care about.

I just feel that today’s world is so sad. Masculinity to me isn’t about a man’s physique it’s about a man standing up in his manhood without fear. A strong man makes responsible decisions and knows how to make a woman feel safe. All women want to feel safe.

There is so much pressure that occurs when an honest opinion is given. As a black woman I feel that being dishonest is doing a disservice to those who need to hear the truth. I’m not going to lie about what some black men should be doing. We have been taking on many things for far too long only to be told that we have attitudes, harsh, and not feminine. I would love to be carefree like Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz unfortunately I can’t.

Something has to be done. Young ladies of this generation needs to see more men like Peter Steele and not feel that they are extinct!!!

I Just Don’t Know How to Feel

I feel like the U2 song called Numb
I have a bland demeanor
I just don’t know how to feel
I wrote a post
The other day
Was it God preparing me
I spoke about
The importance of being healthy
Then boom one of my sisters
That is second to me in my family
Became sickly
My sister and I
Have very different personalities
We are not any different
Than any other siblings
She would push me
To the point where
I would scream
Then things would really get ugly
The next thing you know
We stop speaking
To each other
This last time was unique
Because when I spoke
Back to my sister
She had a surgery
That changed everything
It brought on an
Illness that made her so weak
That it robbed
Her of her speech and mobility
My sister told me
That she had a vision
Of all of her sisters
When we were young
In the backyard playing
Then she gave me an apology
She said I’m sorry
That I have been so mean
I love you with all of my heart
Then she started crying
And asked God
Why are You punishing me?
I think about Christianity
Christians are still
Human beings
Is it right
For us to except
People being mean?
I always try
To be forgiving
I feel so torn
Do I stand up
And demand respect
For all the times
She made me upset
Or do I allow
This situation to teach me
To not waste time
On stupid things
Because time is the most
Valuable thing that you can
Share with someone
That you love deeply
I love my sisters
So much I just
Want us to live to be elderly
I just want us to live carefree
I just want us to be happy
Father God in Heaven
Please allow my prayers
To be
My heart can’t take
Anymore agony

Eyes Wide Open

I’ve been so meaning to write about this for over a week now. I am not into celebrity news but I have written about Ciara a couple of times. Ciara changed her choice of men and found her prince.

In the past Ciara dated rappers Future and Slim Thug. Recently Slim Thug accused Ciara of marrying the Seahawk’s quarterback Russell Wilson for financial stability. This goes right back to my post from yesterday about how some black men waste good years on things that doesnt matter. Slim Thug further went on to call Russell Wilson “corny”. To guys like Slim Thug being a Christian, a one woman’s man and responsible is corny. This proves what I have being saying all along about the shortage of quality black men.

Slim Thug also said that women who date bad boys can’t date good guys. How much sense does that make? Remember the saying about kissing toads until finding a prince, making wrong turns before making a right one or experience is the best teacher. We are not our past some people refuse to allow people to be happy. Another thing what are bad boys about? So because they don’t want to change the women who date them doesn’t deserve better? Is he saying that bad guys aren’t about anything or that they can’t change? Many questions can come from what Slim Thug is saying and they aren’t good ones. Words are like a boomerang when you throw them at others they come back.

As we get older we realize what’s important and what’s not. Sadly some people never get it and they never mature. I love Ciara response to all of her haters and butt hurt exes:
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Being cool isn’t having children all over the place that are not receiving hands on parenting, sleeping around, or hanging out in the streets wasting time.

There are some people who don’t want to change for the better and get jealous of the people who do. These same people will attempt to instill fear into others or destroy their happiness. They have wasted so much time until they don’t have a enough to make up for what’s lost. Life is too short to be in struggle love or poverty. There is more to life and it isn’t just heartbreak or paying for poor choices. When we learn from our mistakes our growth is our reward and we reap a harvest that is plentiful. The people who don’t want to learn this life lesson are just plain pitiful.
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Racist Boyfriend?

Yesterday was a really crazy day for me. On Facebook I’m in a couple of swirl groups. I swear the people who allow people into the groups should make sure that they are screened more thoroughly. I really think that some are black men hiding behind a fake profile picture.

There was a question that was asked in the group. The question was can a white man date a black woman and be racist? Here we go going through the same thing. Here we go again!

It’s always someone who is trying to scare black women from being open-minded about who she wants to date. The question opened up a sea of emotions. This person caused hysteria with this one question it opened up all kinds of what ifs. Some of the women started to speak of some white men possibly having fetishes but that doesn’t bother me here’s why:
fet·ish
ˈfediSH/Submit
noun
1.
a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.
“Victorian men developed fetishes focusing on feet, shoes, and boots”

Most black men love black women’s butts. I’m just saying.

The question made some of the white men in the group feel uncomfortable and I didn’t blame them. It had some people questioning white men’s motives for dating black women. Just a bunch of foolishness. We should be allowed to date who we choose without people trying to destroy it and it was a black woman doing it.

Some black men have wasted years that should have been spent on developing a career or getting a degree and instead have accumulated baggage like children with different women, out of wedlock of course. The 77% out of wedlock birth rate proves this. Let’s not get me started on the IBM they aren’t marrying anyone but they are open to multiple women trying out for a position that they aren’t thinking about. The fact is there is a shortage of quality black men and the solution is to date out.

We can’t live in fear of what could happen. Are there racist white men that a black woman could come across? Sure. Just like a black woman could come across a black man who’s abusive, disrespectful, and a cheater. The chances of a racist white guy dating a black woman is slim to none. That’s facts.

Look every time we take a chance at love there is a possibility that a bad thing could happen and good things can happen too. Still good things can’t happen if we aren’t open to the possibility! The right man for us may not look like what we expect. Expectations and assumptions only helps us to miss out because they are always wrong. I refuse to live in fear. If there is a black woman who fears dating white men because of the chance that they may be racist there is a great solution for that don’t swirl. It’s just that simple.

Your Best You

What works for us may not work for someone else however we need to make sure that we don’t hold ourselves back.

Yesterday I saw so many things that had me thinking about how some people aren’t ready to give themselves the best. We have to stay away from people who deprive themselves and want starve us of our dreams as well.

Most of my life I have had a battle with my weight. Recently I started the Keto Diet and I have been making excellent progress. I’ve lost tons of weight several times in my life so I know the struggle. Anyway I put a picture on Facebook of myself and seconds later I saw a post in my Newsfeed pertaining to Christians who are vain. I hardly ever upload pictures but this lady is overweight. She may attempt to call me vain but she may have a problem with jealousy.

It is said that a picture speaks a thousand words well I beg to differ. My picture is of a woman who has had a battle with weight and a mother who had the battle as well. My mother died of cancer in 1997 and she was overweight. The doctors told me that if my mother had of been slimmer they could have helped her to live longer. The fact is our health is our wealth. We can’t do anything without having good health.

I remember when a lady on YouTube spoke of black women getting their health together and some women got upset but she was right!! In the black community black men tell black women to stay thick the problem is what people think is thick. Newflash thick isn’t obesity. Obesity is the leading cause of certain illnesses like diabetes and high blood pressure.

We should be our best selves. When we are at our best the best harvest is received. Healthy people most times live longer.

I’ve come to realize that most times people aren’t ready to hear the truth even if it’s something that can help them too. Why wouldn’t we want to be the best us?

I remember watching old contestants from world biggest losers and they shared how their perfect weight wasn’t always the recommended weight. They were healthy at a weight that was best for them.

Over the years we have heard about being comfortable with ourselves and that’s a great mindset as long as we are healthy.

I have acid reflux and when I’m overweight I pay for it dearly. I would never put a person down about their weight. I’ve been slim and overweight so I understand the struggle. I only want to inspire and uplifted others. Our lives are not just our own. I have two sons depending on me and I want to be here for them.

Yes! I’m a Christian and we believe that our bodies are temporary however we still need to be healthy. We take care of our houses and cars. Why not our bodies as well?