Love Yourself

Just wanted to make it clear that self-love and being a lover of self isn’t the same. Self-love is positive; it’s feeling good about yourself self acceptance. Lover of self is negative; it has a self-centered attitude, being vain, and narcissistic.

All human eyes have the structure of the pupil, cornea, and iris, etc. However, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We are all attractive to some people, and we are all not so appealing to others. Don’t ever take it personally and don’t allow anyone to come for your self-esteem. It is what it is. In my opinion, it’s just a way that helps to eliminate the wrong people from out of our lives. Which is one of the biggest reasons why we shouldn’t put the power of boosting our self-esteem into the hands of others it could become abused easily. Besides, our worth isn’t based on the validation of others.

It’s essential to be our best selves above anything else. For most of us, there is only one of us unless we have a twin, which is rare. We should take care of ourselves by eating right and exercising and making sure that we are getting the proper sleep. Learning to not stress behind things that cannot be controlled one way or another thing always work out. Words are powerful; it’s so essential to speak positivity into your life. Be a positive person so that you become quick to uplift others. Make improvements daily. Do some traveling. Do something that you haven’t done before if you have been attracting the wrong people or making the wrong choices figure out why by digging deep into yourself. Make it a point to break the monotony of reliving the same situations over and over again. Make decisions that will have the repercussions of reaping a blessed harvest. Never forget that many of our choices affect our future and sometimes our children’s future as well.

Remember people who attempt to tug at your self-esteem and self-confidence aren’t worth entertaining. It’s great to be opened to constructive criticism beware of serial critics. A person who truly cares will bring out the best in you, not the worse. Best friends aren’t jealous. True sisterhood doesn’t dox or drain one another’s souls. We will know people by their fruits. Actions speak louder than words.

I have experienced a lot in my life, and the advice that I give comes from a place of growth, not from bitterness. I have healed, and I want to help others to get healed as well. Being a realist doesn’t necessarily make a person negative it’s not what’s said but how and why. Honesty isn’t always going to come in a present that is wrapped in a pretty bow, especially when it comes to looking at ourselves. Even though we can sometimes be our worst critics, it’s a sign of growth to be able to evaluate ourselves. We know ourselves the best, and obviously, we have our best interest in mind after all it’s our lives. To become our best selves, we must realize when we are not. Being honest with ourselves is the best sign of loving ourselves without having to rely on others opinions.

Example of loving yourself is being mindful of who we accept advice from and being opened to receive it. Example some people believe that only happily married people are the only ones who can give great information about marriage and that is the furthest thing from the truth. A person from a failed marriage can talk about where things went wrong. Happily married people also went through things too, but they chose to stick it out for various reasons. Different situations happen to different people; all advice doesn’t apply. Everyone isn’t right, and everyone isn’t wrong. I have learned that great help can come from anyone don’t reject it based on who it’s coming from when you can tell that they mean well. When people don’t mean well, you’ll be able to know because you can feel their negative vibes. Negative energy is unmistakable, and life is too short for that. So make it a point to keep your space a negative opinion-free zone and get your shine on.

Imagine what could happen once we tap into ourselves and discover our hidden potential to be great it can only happen once we accept and love ourselves. love-yourself1

The In-Crowd

I absolutely have no desire
To be apart of
The in crowd
Confident people do not
Give a fudge
When they say that
You can’t sit with us
Oh boo hoo
Jocks, cool kids, mean girls
We all know about these groups they
Ruled the yearbook
Yet these kids
Are all a part of the
Adolescent clique
In some
Kind of capacity these
Group of kids become bullies
Precursors of adults
Who still possess
Middle and high school mentalities
Constantly reminiscing about
Their former popularity
In which I am immune to
I never was one whose desire was
To be a popular kid in school
It’s like being in a
Zombie apocalypse
Surrounded around a bunch
Of brain dead people
Who are unable to think
For themselves
Who relies heavily on
Group thinking,
Group dependency,
And group acceptancy
It’s not welcome to
To do anything differently
Or people will experience
Tribal shaming
It’s like a sorority for
Pettiness that doesn’t exist
At any university or college
The scariest thing about it is
They think that
They are individualistic
When they are actually
Apart of the collective
How sad is that
I love me some me
Because I have always felt free
Embracing what makes me unique
Secure in my individuality
And that is amazing
Some people spend most
Of their lives
Trying to figure out
Who they are
But most of it is due
To them giving into peer pressure
When they were very young
And fear of their insecurities
Afraid to be themselves
Afraid to be rejected
Afraid of not being able to
Be apart of the secret group
To be apart of the in crowd
Or maybe it’s a cult
Which is a serious problem
Sometimes wanting to be accepted
By a certain kind of people
So badly
Will cost you something
Like losing your identity
Becoming a carbon copy
Or a string of cut out dolls
Until something goes wrong
Then the in crowd will turn
Into an angry mob
Eventually betraying
You with a Judas kiss
On the outside you will sit
People like this don’t
Stand for anything
Which is why they always
Turn on one another
I have witnessed
This kind of behavior
For years
If this is what it’s
Like being apart of the in crowd
Then I am so glad
That I have never been apart of it

The Dirt

The other day I wrote about my top ten ballad songs. I chose Motley Crue’s song Without You as one of my favorite rock ballads.

The 80s was when glam rock bands were at their peak. Glam rock bands like Poison, Cinderella, Bon Jovi, Warrant, Motley Crue etc ruled MTV. MTV had the best videos back in the day now it’s just straight trash. My bedroom wall was plastered with all of their posters. I loved buying magazines like Hit Parader with the pull out posters. Those were the days.
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Girls, Girls, Girls, Kickstart My Heart, Home Sweet Home, Smokin in the Boys Room etc. Yes!!! Ya girl loves her some Motley Crue.

I am super stoked a movie is coming out that’s about Motley Crue. My favorite member of the band is Tommy Lee so Machine Gun Kelly had better do him justice. March 22nd!!! Save the date that’s when the movie The Dirt will premiere on Netflix. I will be watching Netflix and chilling.

We Were Madly, Madly in Love’: The Untold Story of MLK’s White Girlfriend By PATRICK PARR 04/01/2018 07:05 AM

This is not my article!!! I found it to be very fascinating so I decided to share it!!! Happy Reading!!!

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It took me a long time to find Betty Moitz.

I had first learned her full name while reading Bearing the Cross, the 1986 biography about Martin Luther King Jr., written by David Garrow. In the book, Garrow briefly describes a serious relationship between King and a young white woman around the same age, named Betty. They had met at Crozer Theological Seminary, in Chester, Pennsylvania, at the time, where King was a divinity student from the age of 19 until 22, when he graduated in May 1951. In Bearing the Cross, Garrow quoted a close friend and mentor of King’s at the time, Rev. Pius J. Barbour, who said the relationship had left King as a “man with a broken heart. He never recovered.”

In a way, I never recovered from that quote. As I wrote my own book about King, I wasn’t satisfied with such a short description of such an apparently devastating relationship. Garrow was the first biographer to discover Betty’s last name, and, fortunately for me, buried it in a heavyweight endnote at the back of the book. That endnote took me on two cross-country flights, spurred dozens of calls to wrong numbers and knocks on countless doors of people I thought might have known Betty. They didn’t, but I left my business card anyway, and eventually, one of those people found someone who might know Betty, and that person sent me an address, to which I sent a letter. It worked.

From the start, Moitz and King’s relationship was anything but carefree. Almost all of King’s friends, including Barbour, tried to discourage him from staying with Betty, knowing what an interracial relationship would mean for his future. “I thought it was a dangerous situation that could get out of hand, and if it did get out of hand it would smear King,” his Crozer classmate Cyril Pyle recalled in a 1986 interview. “It would make his future hard for him.”

But Betty recalls that time, and the young King, with fondness anyway. In our yearlong correspondence and one long meeting in January 2016, Betty, who recently passed away at the age of 89, told me the story of their relationship and just how close King came to walking away from his future plans for her. “We were madly, madly in love, the way young people can fall in love,” she told me during our conversation at her home.

She started at the beginning.

From a young age, Betty Moitz had a family connection to Crozer, where ML—as King was known at the time—was pursuing his studies before returning to his native Atlanta to follow in his father’s footsteps as a preacher at Ebenezer Baptist Church. Moitz’s grandmother Elizabeth became the school’s dietitian in 1933. When she retired, Betty’s mother, Hannah Moitz, took over the position, and she kept it throughout ML’s years there. The family lived in a five-bedroom, three-bathroom home on the Crozer campus, and Betty graduated with honors from Eddystone High School, located only two miles away. Betty spent many days in her youth walking over to the kitchen to check on her mother, lend an extra hand or just hang around and chat.

Despite the constant exposure to their world, Betty had no intention of becoming a divinity student. She graduated from high school in 1946 and went directly to Moore College of Art, right across the river from the University of Pennsylvania. She was still a student at Moore in late 1948 when she paid one of her regular visits to her mother in the basement of Old Main, the main building on Crozer’s campus. This day was different, because Betty met someone new: a well-dressed, ambitious young man from Atlanta, Georgia, who was in his first year at the seminary and lived on the second floor of Old Main. He had a smooth voice and a sly smile.

At first, she and ML were just making small talk in Miss Hannah’s kitchen, nothing that would cause nearby students to turn their heads. But it continued. As they spoke on and off over the next few months, Betty learned about ML’s background and his tremendous hopes for the future. “Crozer was known as a very radical religious institution,” she told me, “so I was surprised to hear from ML himself [that he] had more conservative beliefs.”

ML’s own feelings for Betty were something he tried to keep secret. Though he’d even written to his mother about his other recent dating prospects, he would not have been at all eager to inform her that he was interested in a young white woman. Walter McCall, ML’s best friend and hall mate, who went by Mac, knew, of course, but he saw no harm in helping his best friend separate himself even further from racial norms they both believed were outdated. And though a few other students took note of ML and Betty’s friendly dialogue—it was, after all, a small world inside Old Main—no one seemed too bothered.

Fellow Crozer seminarian and King friend Marcus Wood in particular understood some of what spurred ML’s attraction. “I supposed he thought that, here I am out of the South now, and not back home,” Wood said in a 1986 interview, “out in the open, nothing illegal, a free place, sure I can go over and talk to this white girl.”

Throughout the course of ML’s first year at Crozer, his relationship with Betty continued to develop as their chats moved out of Miss Hannah’s basement kitchen. Soon, ML was also making the straight five-minute walk from Old Main to visit her at the Moitz home. “He used to go over their house quite often to see her,” Wood wrote in his 1998 memoir.

ML felt at ease with Betty. It was the enthusiasm with which he spoke on a wide range of topics that first attracted her. “He would talk, and talk and talk,” Betty says. At first they discussed his time in the South and how different it was from the idealized culture within the seminary. He didn’t yet know how but, according to Betty, “one thing ML knew at age 19 was that he could change the world.”

When ML returned to school the following fall of 1949, his and Betty’s relationship continued to blossom—but this was also when the difficulties began for the young couple.

By this point, they had become more comfortable on campus, sitting on benches and talking about their plans and goals for the future in full view of ML’s classmates and teachers. When asked if she had concerns about how they might be seen, Betty shrugs. “I never noticed. I always had a tan and dark brown hair.” But the 20-year-old ML was more aware of the potential social fallout.

It’s important to note that in 1949, interracial relationships were still very much taboo in the United States. Fewer than 40 miles from Crozer was the state of Maryland, where the first law against interracial marriage was enacted in 1664; the state would keep similar laws on its books for more than 300 years. Even in 1958, a Gallup poll would report that an astounding 94 percent of white Americans disapproved of interracial marriage.

Pennsylvania was one of the most flexible states when it came to “miscegenation” laws. Still, that didn’t mean ML and Betty could head over to a local café and hold hands out in the open. Members of the Crozer community, despite their liberalism, would have had trouble throwing their support behind such an arrangement. They weren’t against it, but they weren’t exactly for it, either. Glares, scoffs and head shakes were inevitable. Cyril Pyle, ML’s classmate from Panama who worried about the relationship “smearing” King, worked in the kitchen and dining hall and witnessed ML and Betty getting closer. “I knew about it, thought it was bad, but I didn’t want to get involved.”

Soon, their “dates” mainly consisted of Betty driving ML around the city of Chester, ignoring the scowls of society. “I listened,” Betty says, “and he’d just talk and talk.” But she loved it—his enthusiasm, his anxious hopes “to return South and help people. He was wonderful—a joy to be with and listen to.”

When ML’s sister Christine came to visit him at Crozer, as she did regularly, his friendship with Betty crept back into the shadows. It wasn’t that ML didn’t trust Christine—their relationship had always been strong—it was the fact that Christine was a direct conduit to their mother, and that was something ML could not risk. Telling his sister about Betty would have meant putting her in the unenviable position of withholding important information from her mother in every letter and phone call home. And if Christine were to let slip that ML had been getting closer to a white woman, ML could only imagine the disappointment in his mother’s eyes. Betty knew about these concerns: “He was worried what she’d think,” she recalls.

Over the course of ML’s second year, his relationship with Betty grew closer—and more public. From chats in Miss Hannah’s kitchen and around campus, the couple had progressed to hanging out with Mac, ML’s friend Horace Whitaker, known as Whit, and others in the recreation room down the hall from the kitchen. Betty would watch as ML and his friends played pool. “The men who worked in the kitchen and dining room used to go down to shoot pool or play table tennis every evening after dinner,” she remembers. “I was surprised how well [ML] played.”

And their private time together was no longer limited to Betty driving ML around Chester. “We did go out on dates,” Betty says. “He was always trying to get me to go with him to restaurants in Chester. I was embarrassed to let him know I had never been to any of those places. In those days, who went to restaurants?”

ML would have known that dining at a predominantly white restaurant was a risky proposition, not only for himself but for Betty as well, but their relationship was a way for him to test the limits of northern culture. Such boundary-pushing becomes easier when one starts to fall in love, and according to Betty, that’s exactly what was happening.

Many of ML’s classmates could see how enamored he’d become. “King was extremely fond of her,” Marcus Wood recalls. “But he was also rather proud of the fact that he was able to socialize openly with a white girl.”

“There were people who knew about them,” Whit said—himself among them—but “they didn’t flagrantly show their feelings toward each other.”

ML could only trust one friend with his feelings toward Betty, and that was Mac. Around this time, ML and Betty went into Philadelphia with Mac and his girlfriend at the time, policewoman Pearl E. Smith. The four headed back to Pearl’s home, and there was a moment when Betty and Pearl were speaking to each other in the kitchen. “They didn’t tell her anything about me,” Betty says.

Pearl, who was black, measured Betty up. It was true, Betty was tan, and Pearl gave her a nod of approval: “You know, you could pass.” Mac overheard what Pearl said and, according to Betty, “rolled on the floor, laughing.“

ML’s friends sensed how serious he was getting about Betty Moitz, and all of them, except for Mac, worried about how this would affect his future plans. According to Marcus Wood, “The more we warned [ML] that marriage was out of the question—especially if he hoped to become a pastor in the south—the more he refused to ‘break off’ the potentially controversial relationship.”

ML’s counterargument had two components. The first, of course, was the obvious one: He loved Betty. She listened to him, supported him and greatly admired his ambitions. He could see himself marrying her. The second was a symbolic component: Wouldn’t their union also be a powerful statement that barriers can be brought down? It could serve as living proof of his belief in the idea of social integration. Late one night, after making out with Betty on a bench near Old Main, a smitten ML headed over to Horace Whitaker’s apartment. Whit, while in the same graduating class, was a decade older than ML and was already married, with one child. ML needed guidance, and though he trusted Mac, it was time to turn to an older and more settled friend.

“They were very serious,” Whit remembered, “although he was young.” Whit felt a certain sense of dread in telling ML to deny his feelings toward Betty: “I’m not saying he wasn’t mature enough for that kind of experience, but I remember talking to him about that kind of marital situation … and we had talked about it from the standpoint that if he intended going back to the South and pastoring at a local church, that that might not be an acceptable kind of relationship in a black Baptist church, and I think he would be valuing that in light of whether or not it was a workable situation, knowing his own particular sense of call.”

Eight years later, King himself would say in a sermon that “there is more integration in the entertaining world, in sports arenas, than there is in the Christian church.” That was the reality Whit was urging his friend to consider. Would ML’s predominantly black congregation fully accept it if their preacher had a white wife? Was Betty prepared to handle life as the spouse of a black southern minister? Or was ML willing to give up on returning to the South? Could he be content to remain in the North and obtain a position in academia, contributing to the southern cause in some other way?

The only time King ever made a reference to Betty in public comes from a 1964 MLK biography by Lerone Bennett, titled What Matter of Man. In it, Bennett masks the quote with a tricky set of pronouns, so the source of it is unclear. King, then a married father, is quoted as saying: “She liked me and I found myself liking her. But finally I had to tell her resolutely that my plans for the future did not include marriage to a white woman.”

While we already knew the decision King ultimately reached about Betty, we didn’t know how he struggled with it throughout his time at Crozer. He was clearly old enough and mature enough to know even at the time that his decision on Betty would change the course of his life. And perhaps he even had a small idea of what his life would mean for the course of history.

Just Because

Happy Sunday! Two words Jack White!!! Oh my. What a blessed day it was when he was born. He was a blessing to this world. We have three bands that’s he’s in and all the music is amazing.

I recently watched a video of him live and he really cares about the audience. He was like are you guys awake because you guys are a mighty quiet awake. He has so much energy on stage.

So yeah. I wanted to blog about Jack White just because. I wonder if there are any other black women who loves him as much as I do. I wouldn’t be surprised what’s not to love?

KOTeKE

Who Cares?

I am digging down deep in the depths of my soul and saying this most nonchalantly. “Who cares?” Who cares about who a person dated in their past? If it’s not affecting you in any way why is it any of your business?

I had touched on this subject before however, a recent situation pushed me to blog about it once more. A black woman felt compelled to explain her current dating choice because of her past dating choices. This situation is about interracial dating. I am over people who want to bond through the pain because they can’t stand to see others happy. Who this woman was in the past and who she is today more than likely aren’t the same. Everything happens for a reason, and everything serves some purpose. Adverse situations can teach people that they deserve better. We live. We learn. We grow. This black woman that I speak of used to date both black and white men. She has since decided to partner with white men only. So what? There could be several reasons why she has chosen to change her dating choices, things like past relationships, or doing what she always wanted to do. I can relate. My mother didn’t welcome my preference for white men, and she made me feel like I was doing something wrong. I get that she came up in a different time, but it didn’t change my desires. She allowed me to listen to heavy metal but watching the videos was so hard. I loved watching the video of handsome white men with gorgeous long hair. The video for Christian Woman by Type O Negative changed my life.

We all are quick to say live your life, but if you don’t have the support of your family, certain life events can be challenging to pursue when people are making you feel as if you are doing something wrong or they show that they are straight against it. We all need support, which is the reason why people keep their deepest desires to themselves until they feel confident enough to act on them.

It’s so vital for us to love and know ourselves enough to do what is best for us in our lives. If there is one that I have learned over the years through the bullying etc. is that it’s essential to love yourself. I have seen people attempting to expose someone else as a way to stop them from pursuing their happiness — the same way this black woman’s past relationships came out. Just because a person is afraid to act on their desires doesn’t give them the green light to influences yours these people’s opinions should be the least to be concerned about especially if these people are strangers. Why are these people attempting to stop someone else’s happiness? We should never forget that messengers have motives. Some people will stop at nothing to keep others miserable. What could be so wrong about being attracted to someone from a different race? After all, love has no color. We should be able to love who we want unapologetically without feeling the need to explain ourselves.

My Very First Celebrity Crush

Regina King recently shared who was her all time celebrity crush. She has been crushing on Sam Elliot since her late teens.
As most people know my current celebrity crush is Jack White however my first celebrity crush was Roland Orzabal. Roland is the lead singer of Tears for Fears. I have always been a huge fan of Tears for Fears and I will continue to be.
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