A Personality Like Mine

I have to say that I am pretty proud of my personality. Some of the words that I would use to describe my personality are calm, balanced, compassionate, creative, loving, etc. My personality is more conscientiousness even though I feel that it can’t be narrowed down to one label. As much as I enjoy my personality, I am aware of my weaknesses or negative parts of it. However, with me knowing about the negative parts of my personality that can help me to work on what I need to.

Here is a little bit about my background; this will help to get a better understanding of my personality. I am the oldest of four girls. All of my life, I have had an enormous amount of responsibilities to handle it never bothered me. I am thinking because of my personality; my mother felt that I was capable of handling doing every task assigned. Examples of my jobs come home from school do my homework, walk to go pick up my sisters up from school, cook dinner, and wash clothes. I have a dominant personality; yet not overbearing. I do not allow myself to be a pushover and I did not give in to peer pressure.

As a teenager, I was very mature. At one point, while growing up, the teen pregnancy was high. It seemed like everywhere that I turned someone that I knew was pregnant. In my family, some relatives were having babies early as well. My first child was born when I was in my late twenties. There is a lot of peer pressure for teens sex, drugs, and drinking, to name a few rights to this very day. Teenagers have it hard going through puberty and then having to try to fit in.  Some people give in to peer pressure, especially teenagers they are not very strong-minded. I have a best friend she is like the life of the party everywhere that she goes. The mindset that she has is” you only live once” she does whatever makes her feel good. There is nothing wrong with having a mindset like my friend’s but that is not right for me to each their own.

Social class to me is like high school mentality to me; it’s all about being accepted socially by a particular group. Example, a poor person, cannot get in a country club unless they have a rich person that belongs to the club. The poor person can get connections through their rich friend. It’s all about the secret handshake, and I want no parts of that. Peers are the same way no matter the location I don’t care if a high school is in an affluent neighborhood, middle-class neighborhood, or lower class neighborhood there will be certain groups that only accept a certain kind of people. It sucks royally. The groups of people that are in every high school are the popular kids, the smart kids, the sporty kids, the troublesome kids aka bullies and the odd kids no matter how much time passes it’s always the same. The social class and peers have the least influence on my personality.

I was brought up in a Christian household; the way that I live my life is according to the Bible. I live for God and not for the acceptance of man. The Bible says “that we cannot serve two masters” Human beings are fair weathered one day they like you and one day they hate you. When I take a look around at society, there is no structure; nothing is stable based on the mindset. People do whatever they want without regards, whether it can affect someone else. It’s like they have a sense of entitlement. My Christian values influence my personality tremendously; I treat people like the way I would like to be treated. I want to be a bright light in a sometimes very negative dark world. I think about the consequences of my actions before making a move. The personality factors that apply to me the most are family, culture, and genetic determinants. I have explained how family and culture influence my personality. I also believe that genes are a factor as well; I get a lot of who I am from my mother she and I were always very close. The relationship between my mother and I was so great because our personalities were a lot alike. My mother and I looked very much alike, as well.

One personality factor aspect that doesn’t explain my personality entirely is environmental determinants. The personality that I have is not affected by the environment around me. I can be in a negative situation and will remain positive as well as upbeat. My belief is if the environment negatively affects people, then change it. I cannot think of a time when the environment made my personality change, especially not in a negative way.

I want to gain a better understanding of my personality because I want to be the best me that I can be. Right now, I am taking forensic psychology, but I would like to receive a master’s degree in counseling. My calling is to prepare couples for marriage and counseling during the marriage. The advice that I am going to do will be Christian based of course; however, even with that being said, a specific type of personality is required. In my opinion, there is a lot about my personality that prepares me for my career. A counselor has to be tolerant, supportive, empathetic, patient, and intuitive to name a few things.

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Three Years Strong

Hooray!!! Happy Birthday to Be Lifted.

Ever since I was young I loved to write. I remember the day that I decided to become a blogger. It seems almost like yesterday when I started my blog. It’s my blog that consists of my thoughts, poetry, diet lifestyles, and choices of music.

Three years later Be Lifted is still going strong. I look forward to many more years of blogging.

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I Wish You Love

prime

noun

1 [in singular] the state or time of most considerable vigor or success in a person’s life:

you’re in the prime of life

To think that you’re in the prime of your life would be an incredibly problematic and, most significantly, subjective conclusion to reach.

To be in a stage of great vigor or success in your life would mean, essentially, that your life circumstances couldn’t get any better – you’re on top of the world – or, at least – on top of your world. I suggest it is problematic because success (and happiness) is as transient and fluid as your opinion; the meaning of success (and happiness) to you could be the fundamental opposite of another’s perception of what success (and happiness) is.

Oh, thank heaven for confirmation. Often I get signs of confirmation, and I love it. They show that I am on the right track. After all, looking at human beings for answers doesn’t always happen because we don’t know if they are truly genuine. Not many of us have people in our lives who will give solutions that are in our best interest. Every so often, I reminisce of a past excellent relationship, and it’s all right to do so. I choose not to think of negative things all the time. Life is way too short for that. One of my favorite movies is called “Prime,” starring Uma Thurman, who is my favorite actress. Prime is about a 37-years-old divorcee named Rafi who meets a 23-year-old painter named David; they fall in love instantly. Things become complicated because Rafi is seeing a therapist due to her hurtful divorce. The therapist happens to be David’s mother, which causes some issues down the line. Prime is an irresistibly and entertaining hit.

One of my favorite parts of the movie is when David’s mother tells him that “Sometimes we love, we learn, and we move on.” Rafi served a massive purpose in David’s life; she got him to go for his dream of being a painter. Rafi wanted children being that she was getting older even though she was in love with David; he was not in a place where he could give her what she needed. My other favorite part of the movie was the end when Rafi and David had broken up, but they crossed paths again their eyes met and a flood of memories which highlighted the beautiful parts of their relationship. While the memories were occurring, the song called “ I Wish You Love” played. After watching the movie immediately, I thought of the song called “Torch.” I wrote a post recently about “Torch” it’s funny how things come back in full circle.

Yesterday AMC spoiled me by allowing fans of the Walking Dead to be able to see the midseason premiere early. Yippee! At the beginning of the show, Michonne gave a refresher of where people lives were. One of the things that Michonne spoke about was how Rick was her true love. It got me to thinking about everything Rick and Michonne had been through up until the time that they met one another. With all the people who came and went in their lives, none were truly their true love, which included Rick’s wife. To be able to look back and wish someone that you once loved well is a sign of real growth. There is no growth in having a hateful heart towards an ex; otherwise, it’s a sign that feelings are still there.

Love is essential, but it isn’t always enough in relationships and marriages. Sometimes we have fun, we love, we learn, we move on, and we wish our ex-love. If you love someone truly love them set them free if it’s meant to be it will happen. No one and nothing can stop what is meant to be.

DON’T THEY CARE ABOUT ME? DIDN’T I MEAN SOMETHING TO THEM?

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No matter what time of year it is, it’s difficult post-breakup, especially when we wonder whether someone cares about us, but times of the year like Valentine’s and Christmas/The Holidays are tough.
We like to feel that we meant something, that we were important, “missable” etc. At this time of year though, that urge increases as the post arrives and there’s no card. Our phone beeps, and there’s no text message. Or we refresh our email and check our junk box, and there’s no email. We look for signs of life from them on Facebook and see that they’re moving on or that they appear happier than we are. We secretly wonder if they’ll show up over the next week or so. If they’ve moved on and we haven’t, it will eat away at us. If they haven’t changed (or we think they have with someone else) or we ultimately don’t end up hearing from them, it’s felt like a blow to our self-esteem.

Don’t they care about me? Didn’t I mean something to them? Don’t they miss me? Am I so easy to replace?
Years ago when I broke up with my ex, even though it was me that ended it and despite my long list of reasons, I hated that he wasn’t hunting me down to say he missed me. He wasn’t trying to get in touch, or hurling himself on the floor begging me for mercy. I actually attempted to make him discuss the relationship because, you know, it’s what people do.

My view was that we ‘should’ be working to be amicable. I felt that he ‘should’ desire to learn from his mistakes. But most of all, I needed validation that he missed me, that he cared. Truth be told, I didn’t miss him. I cared, but if I dig deep, I cared about how I looked in the context of him not caring.

I must be unlovable, I mustn’t be ‘good enough’ because the ‘prince’ hasn’t hopped on his horse and blazed in to rescue me. Yeah…
His lack of effort to keep in touch ate away at me. Even though I was moving on, I hated being The Person Whose Ex Didn’t Care Enough To Beat a Path to Her Door. One day I got him on the phone, and I let rip. We had an awful argument which I managed to do with clenched teeth in a low voice in the office. As I listened to myself, I suddenly wondered what the hell I was doing. And then wearily he said, “I don’t know what it is you want from me. You left me. You finished it with me…”. Deep embarrassment struck.

In hindsight, I recognise that I was emotionally demanding and getting hijacked by my ego. I was having a pop at someone who I’d left, who wasn’t able to meet my needs. My ego hated that he wasn’t pandering to me and making me feel better about my decision. I left him alone after that.

Don’t they care about me? Didn’t I mean something to them? Don’t they miss me? Am I so easy to replace?
They very likely did care about you and possibly even still do, but the relationship is over. Not moving on with your life does not equate to still caring about someone. It means that you may be stuck and hurting. Pain is not love.

You did mean something to them, but you may have different ideas of what that should be. Even so, it doesn’t mean they have to chase you around.

THEY PROBABLY DO MISS YOU, AND HOPEFULLY IT’S FOR THE RIGHT REASONS, BUT SOMETIMES, AS MANY A BAGGAGE RECLAIM READER CAN ATTEST TO, THEY MISS YOU FOR THE WRONG REASONS.
However, whatever the reasons are for someone missing you that doesn’t mean that it’s right for them to chase you or try to get back together. If the relationship wasn’t working, it was with good reason. Unless those reasons have gone, they can miss you, but it doesn’t change the issues in your relationship.

IT’S NOT ABOUT BEING EASY TO REPLACE. WHO PEOPLE GET INVOLVED WITH IS NOT ABOUT ‘REPLACEMENTS’. YOU DON’T OWN THEM OR THE ‘SPOT’ IN THEIR LIFE.
Once the relationship is over, hard as it is to hear, we have no right to make emotional demands on ex-partners. We can’t expect them to prove how much we meant and we shouldn’t really expect them to stroke our ego. We don’t like it when they do this stuff to us!

Part of the reason why we look for validation from our exes and wonder if they still care about us is that we are in pain. We likely haven’t moved on, and we like to think that our exes are also in pain and that they too haven’t moved on. Of course, when they have, and we haven’t, or we deem it ‘too soon’, we wonder, How can they just move on as if I don’t exist?

One of the lessons I learned from my various relationships is that we’re not clones of each other. Just because we share a relationship with someone and may even believe that we think alike and that we’re ‘soulmates’, it doesn’t mean that we can’t each have very different ideas about how we should behave after the breakup. One of the biggest sources of friction is where we think that the other party isn’t ‘considering our feelings’. While there’s undoubtedly a respectful period, particularly where mutual friends are concerned when it’s the ‘done thing’ not to flaunt your new relationship or your happy single life, there is a limit and a line that shouldn’t be crossed.

We cannot control other people.
If you found it tricky to control them in the relationship, it’s even trickier to do so out of it.

Control isn’t a word that a lot of people like to hear, but a large part of why we get sucked into wanting affirmations of the other person’s care is that we want to control them, which in turn distracts from ourselves. If they’re caring about us in the way that we deem appropriate, then it will feel like we still have some sort of emotional tie to them.

When they move on or they don’t run around trying to demonstrate how much they care, we feel out of control.

This is because we are still hurting and struggling to move on. Them not contributing to the emotional pot makes us not only feel away about the pain that we’re holding on to but also makes it even harder to hold onto any last illusions we may be clinging to.

People can care, but they can care from afar.
When a relationship ends, we cease to be at the centre of that person’s thoughts, decisions and life, and that’s part and parcel of breaking up. The relationship is broken.

PART OF GRIEVING THE LOSS OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND MOVING FORWARD IS NOT DISTORTING THINGS BY PUTTING YOURSELF AT THE CENTRE OF THEIR ACTIONS.
They’ve met someone else; that means they lied to me and that they don’t care about me. It means they met someone else. Everyone deals with things in different ways. Some people dive straight into another relationship, some don’t. Some people do care but the relationship is over, and they are free to have a go with someone else.
They’re not calling me even though I cut contact with them; it means they don’t care about me. It means that they’re getting on with their life (and possibly respecting your wishes). They may be giving you enough credit to assume that you’re not playing games. They didn’t think that you cut contact to provoke them into changing/chasing.
They’ve gone back to their ex; that means they never cared about me. Bit of an extreme assumption. The relationship ending may have made them realise that they want to give their old relationship a shot. Relationships ending make us vulnerable. OK, and for some people, they go back to their exes because that person is their fallback option. And then yes, for others, they realise they still love their ex. This isn’t about not caring; they hadn’t healed from their previous relationship.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
If they don’t get in touch, or send you a Christmas card, beat your door down begging to get back together, or make more of an effort to chase you, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care at all but it does mean that they don’t care enough and there is a difference.

It’s also–and this may be hard to hear–not a game to provoke the person into being and doing what you want. Especially when someone has got used to a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, they may decide enough is enough and that they don’t want to participate in the dynamic. Or they may assume that when they feel good and ready about getting in touch, you’ll be there anyway. Be careful – this is a game that never ends well.

DECIDING THAT SOMEONE DOESN’T CARE AT ALL INVALIDATES YOUR ENTIRE MEMORY OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND THE PERSON.
You don’t have to be so all or nothing. Not all relationships are meant to work out. Every love interest can’t be The One. This doesn’t mean that if people don’t jump to your beat or the relationship ends that they didn’t care at all for you, but depending on what they’ve been and done in the relationship with you, it may mean that they didn’t care enough. If you accepted less than who you are and what you need in this relationship, then you already know this.

And actually they could have cared a lot for you, but your relationship just didn’t work out.
It’s not really very fair to be like, Oh we broke up, you never cared about or loved me. Some people love each other a lot, but they’re incompatible, and all the love in the world would not have made their relationship work. That’s because love alone is not enough.

Emotionally unavailable people have a limited capacity to care because of their avoidance of their feelings.
Expecting an abuser to become caring is like putting your bucket down an empty well and wondering why no water comes back up.
If someone didn’t care about you enough in the relationship, it is a waste of your energy to wonder why they don’t bother now that they’re out of the relationship.
The chief reason we concern ourselves with why someone who mistreated us in the relationship isn’t treating us well outside of it is that on some level, we had hoped that by no longer being with them that it would cause them to miss us and to ultimately treat us better.

TOO MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT LOVE AND CARE IS BEING CHASED AROUND AND HAVING THE POWER TO CHANGE AND GALVANISE SOMEONE INTO BEING ‘BETTER’ BY WITHDRAWING. EXHAUSTING WORK.
It’s the old adage – you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. True…but what people always forget is this:

Even when we do realise how great/valuable/lovable a person is and what a huge mistake we may have made, in having some level of connection to ourselves, we may also realise that not only are we not capable of being and doing what that person wants, but that they may also be too good for us.

Validate your own perception of the relationship. Accept that they cared, but that for whatever reason the relationship is over. You cannot quantify how much someone cared for you and literally count it up like money, but you can tell by the relationship you were in. However long you spent together, they’ve likely cared to some level but just not to what you needed or wanted. Only you know the relationship you were in. If you felt loved, cared, trusted, respected, why invalidate that memory because the relationship is over and they’re not chasing you like a blue-arsed fly?

WHAT WOULD CONSTITUTE THEM CARING ABOUT YOU?
Pestering you morning, noon, and night and you having the opportunity to ignore them?
Asking you for sex?
Saying “I miss you but I can’t be with you/I’ve met someone else”?
Going “OK, I’ll change into the person you want me to be”?
Saying “I won’t be with anyone else until you are with someone”?
Saying “You were right and I was wrong”?
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What do you actually want from them? Write it down, voice it, and then examine how realistic your expectations are.
People can care about you, but that doesn’t make them right for you or the relationship.

People can also care while also having enough self-respect and self-preservation to not want to keep stoking the fire of a dysfunctional dynamic.

If it’s dysfunctional, at some point, at least one of you has to get off the merry-go-round.

People can also care about you and do things that are very destructive to a relationship because they have unhealthy love habits. They may have low self-esteem and do things that are fundamentally counterproductive to the relationship because they either know no better or are sabotaging it in the pursuit of the self-fulfilling prophecy. For your own sake, you don’t need someone like this showing you their ‘care’.

Whatever it is, stop punishing yourself by telling yourself that they don’t care about you. If you have instances of them showing care in the relationship, even though it may not have been enough, it shows a level of care. It doesn’t cancel out any pain experienced, but it adds some balance to your perspective. Note, it also doesn’t mean that you should go back!

But outside of the relationship, looking for instances of care is like looking for water in the desert – few and far between. That’s not because they don’t care; it’s because the relationship is over.

Let go of your expectations of validation from them and validate yourself. Even if they didn’t or don’t care about you, it’s time you start caring about yourself. When you do, you’ll spend less time trying to analyse the levels of their care. You will focus on nurturing yourself.

Your thoughts? This is not my post. This is a repost.

My Weight Loss Update

Wooooo Hoooo!!! I am extremely close to my weight loss goal. Keto is the way to go. I would recommend the Keto Diet to just about anyone. I’m sleeping well and I feel grrreeeeat in my Tony the Tiger’s voice. Working hard on my health every day because I don’t want to go back. I have always been a person who smiles but I smile even more now!

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A New Start

I absolutely love being a Christian. I was having a conversation today and it was pertaining to a person’s past. First of all we alllllllll have parts of our lives that we would not like to read out loud. But guess what? We don’t have to this it is a new day, week, month, year. God has forgiven us and we have to forgive ourselves. I know it’s not always easy to do. For me there are good days and there are bad days. But everyday that passes I am glad that Christ are in them.

I feel that with all the things that I have been through and overcame there isn’t a person in this world that Christ can not save.

2 Corinthians 5:17King James 

17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

We should never beat ourselves up about anything and we should never allow anyone else to do it either. Once Christ forgives us for our past what others think is irrelevant unless we have done harm to that person. Still to judge a person based on past events isn’t right. We are our biggest critics we can do a good job of making ourselves feel guilty enough. Don’t need people on the outside doing it as well. My modo is if there’s people who continue to bring up the past then they should be left there.

My Weight Loss Journey

I finally feel comfortable talking about my weight loss journey. There is nothing sexy about obesity, as a matter of fact it’s a life-threatening situation.

Most of the people on my mother’s side of the family has an issue with weight so genetics plays a role in my struggle. A few years ago I lost 170 pounds. Yes. You heard right. I did not have weight loss surgery. I lost the weight by walking and watching what I ate.

I am a emotional eater. Emotional eating is done in order to deal with negative situations. Unfortunately,I ended up gaining a lot of my weight back. I tried being a vegan but that didn’t work. Every diet or lifestyle isn’t for everyone which is why there are so many different diets.

Recently, I discovered the ketogenic diet and it has changed my life completely! I am getting closer to the weight that I was when I first lost all the weight the last time. Thank You Father God! Yes, I love who I am on the inside but the outside matters as well. There is nothing cute about being a fat girl!
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I will definitely be blogging more about my weight loss journey. When we make our minds up about a goal anything is possible! I am beyond the moon proud of my body transformation. Now I am back to being in a really happy place again.