Love With An Open Heart

Past relationships and experiences
Dictate how we interact
In future relationships
Causing us to armour up
To put our guards up
Which still allow
Past disappointments
To continue to take
Centerstage
We then
Come up with reasons
For our actions
Dress them up
By giving them different names
Whether they are referred to
As a protective layer
Or a wall
They are used in order to
Keep us from feeling
Vulnerable
Which in actuality
Keeps us from
Something that could
Potentially be special
Love requires the giving
Of oneself
Compromise and
Vulnerability
How Else will we be
Able to recognize
True love’s credibility
Then we can enjoy stability
Be set free
From past relationships
That were ugly
It’s important
For the heart to feel love
Feeling and loving is the only way
That the heart knows
Love is grounded
It accepts the imperfections
Of the person that
We love
Working through
Bad times while
Enjoying the good
Love is honesty
It gives people
The opportunity
To be themselves completely
Love is a journey
That should always
Be allowed to continue
It’s the only way
For the one that
Is for us
To find us
Life should not
Be about only surviving
Heartbreak
From past mistakes
Or merely existing
But thriving in happiness
And enjoying life
Now that’s living

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A Personality Like Mine

I have to say that I am pretty proud of my personality. Some of the words that I would use to describe my personality are calm, balanced, compassionate, creative, loving etc. My personality is more conscientiousness even though I feel that it can’t be narrowed down to one label. As much as I enjoy my personality I am aware of my weaknesses or negative parts of it. However, with me knowing about the negative parts of my personality that can help me to work on what I need to.

Here is a little bit about my background this will help to get a better understanding of my personality. I am the oldest of four girls. All of my life I have had an enormous amount of responsibilities to handle it never bothered me. I am thinking because of my personality my mother felt that I was capable of handling doing every task assigned. Examples of my tasks come home from school do my homework, walk to go pick up my sisters up from school, cook dinner, and wash clothes. I have a very strong personality; yet not overbearing. I do not allow myself to be a pushover. Growing up because of the way that I was raised as well as my personality I did not give in to peer pressure. For a teenager I was very mature. At one point while growing up the teen pregnancy was high. It seemed like everywhere that I turned someone that I knew was pregnant. In my family there were relatives that were having babies early as well. My first child was born when I was in my late twenties. There is definitely a lot of peer pressure for teens sex, drugs, and drinking to name a few right to this very day. Teenagers have it really hard going through puberty and then having to try to fit in.  Some people give into peer pressure especially teenagers they are not very strong-minded. I have a best friend she is like the life of the party everywhere that she goes. The mindset that she has is” you only live once” she does whatever makes her feel good. There is nothing wrong with having a mindset like my friend’s but that is not right for me to each their own.

Social class to me is like high school mentality to me it’s all about being accepted socially by a particular group. Example a poor person cannot get in a country club unless they have a rich person that belongs to the club. The poor person can get connections through their rich friend. It’s all about the secret handshake and I want no parts of that. Peers are the same way no matter the location I don’t care if a high school is in a rich neighborhood, middle class neighborhood, or lower class neighborhood there will be certain groups that only accept a certain kind of people. It sucks royally. The groups of people that are in every high school are the popular kids, the smart kids, the sporty kids, the troublesome kids aka bullies and the odd kids no matter how much time passes it’s always the same. The social class and peers have the least influence on my personality.

I was brought up in a Christian household my life is lived according to the Bible. I live for God and not for the acceptance of man. The Bible says “that we cannot serve two masters” Human beings are fair weathered one day they like you and one day they hate you. When I take a look around at society there is no structure nothing is stable based on the mindset. People do whatever they want without regards about whether it can affect someone else. It’s like they have a sense of entitlement. My Christian values influence my personality tremendously I treat people like the way I would like to be treat. I want to be a bright light in a sometimes very negative dark world. I think about the consequences of my actions prior to me making a move. The personality factors that apply to me the most are family, culture, and genetic determinants. I have explained how family and culture influences my personality. I also believe that genes are a factor as well I get a lot from my mother she and I was always very close. The relationship between my mother and I was so great because our personalities were a lot a like. My mother and I looked very much alike as well.

One personality factor aspect that doesn’t explain my personality fully is environmental determinants. The personality that I have is not affect by the environment around me. I can be in a negative environment and will remain positive as well as upbeat. My belief is if the environment affects people in a negative way then change it. I cannot think of a time when the environment made my personality change especially not in a negative way.

I want to gain a better understanding of my personality because I want to be the best me that I can possibly be. Right now I am taking forensic psychology but I would like to receive a master’s degree in counseling. My calling is to prepare couples for marriage and counseling during marriage. The counseling that I am going to do will be Christian based of course however even with that being said a certain type of personality is required. In my opinion there is a lot about my personality that helps me to be prepared for my career. A counselor has to be tolerant, supportive, empathetic, patient, and intuitive to name a few things

A Crush

I have been a huge fan of Regina King’s ever since the television show 227. It’s excellent that she is finally receiving the recognition that is well deserved. Recently she was on the Jimmy Kimmel Live show where she revealed who her longtime celebrity crush is. Now hang on to your hats for this one it’s not Billie Dee Williams or Denzel Washington. Nope, Nope, and Nope. It’s Sam Elliott. Regina spoke of how she loved him in the movie Roadhouse. Roadhouse came out in 1989 that tells you how young that she was when she first developed a crush on Sam Elliot. She was around 17 or 18 years of age. She gushed about the thought of being able to finally meet him. Who wouldn’t? Sam Elliot was amazing to me in the movie Tombstone. Ahhhhhh. The memories when I think of the movie Tombstone. He was always labeled as a sex symbol.

Regina King looks absolutely amazing her arms are on point, it’s like she’s aging backwards. It was comical reading the comments of the videos of her sharing who her celebrity crush is. Which supports everything that I have been saying about the double standards when it comes to black women dating non-black men. So Yeah. Regina King was in movies like Poetic Justice and Boyz in the Hood yet Sam Elliot is her all time celebrity crush. It was so refreshing to hear about that. It just goes to show how there are many black women who have had a crush on a sexy white man. And it’s quite all right. Woot Woot!

A New Start

I absolutely love being a Christian. I was having a conversation today and it was pertaining to a person’s past. First of all we alllllllll have parts of our lives that we would not like to read out loud. But guess what? We don’t have to this it is a new day, week, month, year. God has forgiven us and we have to forgive ourselves. I know it’s not always easy to do. For me there are good days and there are bad days. But everyday that passes I am glad that Christ are in them.

I feel that with all the things that I have been through and overcame there isn’t a person in this world that Christ can not save.

2 Corinthians 5:17King James 

17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

We should never beat ourselves up about anything and we should never allow anyone else to do it either. Once Christ forgives us for our past what others think is irrelevant unless we have done harm to that person. Still to judge a person based on past events isn’t right. We are our biggest critics we can do a good job of making ourselves feel guilty enough. Don’t need people on the outside doing it as well. My modo is if there’s people who continue to bring up the past then they should be left there.

Compromising for Love

Hey Everyone! How’s it going? I officially have two courses left and I will have my bachelor’s degree. Yippie!

Now that I have gotten that out of the way. The other day I watched a video that was cool and it made me think. The person in the video spoke of how when it came to interracial dating one of his biggest turn offs is people picking a partner based on their skin color.

I left a comment on the video, here’s what I wrote:
Screenshot_2018-08-23-09-03-23-1

When it comes to seeking a person to be in a committed relationship our interests are important. I love all music however heavy metal is my favorite. I’m a Dallas Cowboys fan!! Having common interests helps us to connect with others. Our interests makes us who we are. Should we compromise who we are for love? So I had a response on my post that said:
Screenshot_2018-08-23-09-03-45-1

To me the right partner for me will genuinely accept me for who I am without trying to change me into someone that they want me to be. Otherwise the person should be with a completely different person and not me. I have shared my thoughts on interracial dating. When I come across a black man who share my interests they are into white women. And that’s okay. Is there something wrong with being attracted to a certain kind of person?

I made a promise to myself a few years ago that I wouldn’t compromise who I am anymore. I refuse to be someone that I’m not. When we are who we are the right people will connect with us. Everything in my life at this point that I do is important to me right down to my coffee. I’m not sure how true it is but eharmony looks for true compatibility in order to help people find the perfect match. They ask people to be completely honest. We become deprived when we aren’t being ourselves 100 percent. Life is just too short for that. My biggest fear is living to be 80 or 90 years old with a life that filled with more regret than satisfaction or happiness because of my choices. Many times our choices can make huge impact on our lives it’s too much to gamble.

I have said this before compromise should happen once we have found the right one not when we are searching for them. We can’t be with the right one if we are with the wrong one.

Waiting to Be Forgiven

Learning the art of forgiveness can sometimes be a hard lesson to take. Everyone talks about the hurt that has happened to them and how they have trouble forgiving the person who has wronged them. Sadly we are living in a world where people are always the victim and they never accept accountability for anything. Still, does anyone ever think about how would it feel if the shoe were on the other foot? What if it’s you who is waiting to be forgiven? Is it ever too late to say that you are sorry? Whether it was unintentional or intentional everyone has hurt someone before. Nobody is above offending someone.

Yes. It’s always best to forgive after all forgiveness is for our peace of mind. It’s mentally exhausting stressing about something that we have no control over. Life is not like a dvd there are no alternate endings things are what they are. So there is no need to continuously regurgitate a situation.

I read a post about forgiveness that was interesting it almost sounded like a guilt trip. It said something about not blocking blessings by holding grudges aka unforgiveness in one’s heart. When we are the ones waiting to be forgiven we can’t speed up the process no matter how much it may hurt. Like a cut or bruise it takes time to heal.

I also thought about a television show that featured a situation that required forgiveness. A boyfriend caught his girlfriend kissing a close friend of theirs. The boyfriend was destroyed he loved his girlfriend so much. The girlfriend apologized and the boyfriend accepted it however he asked her for space. For weeks the girlfriend did everything that she could to make situations happen so that she could cross her boyfriend’s path. Finally the girlfriend built up the courage to talk to her boyfriend. She told him that it had been weeks and that she wanted to talk. The boyfriend called her out on her actions immediately telling her that he told her that he needed some space and that she only wanted to talk so that she could feel better about herself. He further went on to say that he knew that it was hard for her but it wasn’t his problem.

When we try to force a person to forgive us on our terms it can make the person that we offended question if our apology was even authentic. We have to remember that everyone is different and heal at different rates. This is why it’s important to respect a person’s space if they ask for it.

Forgiveness is a two way street. If we ever hurt someone we should apology quickly, own it, and make things right. When we own what we have done it should not be shared. Making a person share the blame for what we have done is never cool. Sometimes we can hurt a person so badly that it may actually burn a bridge and we have to move on. As we get older it should be about doing adult things like producing a healthy environment with the people that we care about. It’s childish and selfish to care only about ourselves. It’s important if we can to not do things that can jeopardize relationships with the people who we care about. I would rather spend my time enjoying the relationships that I have with people instead of waiting to be forgiven.

Simple Advice

Relationships, marriages, and Friendships are some of God’s Greatest invention
So take the time to enjoy them
Pick people who don’t have egos
Because it’s something that
They will never let go of
You are
Too priceless to care about the opinions
Of people that doesn’t
Add to your worth but subtracts
Forget that
Love is too beautiful
For a person to live
Their whole life
And never experience how it feels
Time is too short
To spend it on
A person that it wasn’t meant for
Hurt is too painful
To receive from someone
Who doesn’t care for you
Tears are too precious
To fall behind someone
Who’s not worth it
Tears should be of joy
No one should be
With a person
Whom they love
More than they love themselves
Because it will always show
Through their treatment
There just isn’t any respect
If a relationship or marriage
Isn’t Christ based
Why even entertain it
It will eventually
Turn out to be a waste
True love is never a mistake
The right one doesn’t
Make you feel as if you
Should be search for more
Because it feels like
Something is missing
The perfect one knows you
As well as you know yourself
They may not have the exact
Same interest as you
Still their awareness of them
Is important too
Know your worth
And don’t allow a person
To talk you down
You are not a piece
Of real estate
Never compromise
If your standards are too
High for a person tell
The person bye
The right one person
Will do what it takes
To have you
They recognize your value
If a person wants something
Or someone bad enough
They will do what
It takes to get it
Things will be if it’s meant
So never fall for a
Guilt trip
Save that feeling
For a cheat day of a diet
There is so much
Beauty in this world that was
Created by God Almighty
Not to share it with somebody
When you do find that
Special person
Give more
So that you two
Can build more
And search for ways
To keep your love strong