I Wanna Be

W-O-M-A-N
I am a woman
Before anything
I believe that
What God has
For me, is for me
Therefore I don’t
Have to beg for nothing
I have grown spiritually
I feel so free
I am a Woman of God
I’m resourceful
I’m educated
I am simply I
Can’t nobody
Bring me down
I’m floating
On cloud nine
I am ready
For God to send me
My guy
One who doesn’t make cry
But makes me smile
He allows me
To be me completely
To be what he needs
I want to be his safe place
I want to tell him
That everything will be okay
He can unburden himself
By telling me his
Hopes, fears, and if he is scared
And I still see him
As a man, because he is
I see him as my hero, still
We both feel secure
Even in a hundred years
I will love me some him
To everyone, I will
Make it loud and clear
So they better not
Be trying to fill his ear
With a bunch of nonsense
Because they don’t have
A man who is near and dear
To them
They will just be hating
He won’t fall into their
Trap because he will be
Wiser than that
He will realize that
They want to laugh
Not just at me
But at him too
He knows that
Once we are together
What we can do
As a team
Having one another’s backs
We know that misery
Loves company
But we won’t be joining
That party
I am going to have
To pass on the trauma bonding
Break the chains of pain
I will take the celebrating
I can’t wait for us
To worship together
To have walks together
Drink coffee
Cook dinner
Constantly build
Team up against the devil
And love one another
More and more each day
Besides what God is
To him
I wanna be
His everything
No no no
Not I wanna be
I’m gonna be
Just everyone wait and see
It has been a long time coming
A blessing in the making
Wink, Wink

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The In-Crowd

I absolutely have no desire
To be apart of
The in crowd
Confident people do not
Give a fudge
When they say that
You can’t sit with us
Oh boo hoo
Jocks, cool kids, mean girls
We all know about these groups they
Ruled the yearbook
Yet these kids
Are all a part of the
Adolescent clique
In some
Kind of capacity these
Group of kids become bullies
Precursors of adults
Who still possess
Middle and high school mentalities
Constantly reminiscing about
Their former popularity
In which I am immune to
I never was one whose desire was
To be a popular kid in school
It’s like being in a
Zombie apocalypse
Surrounded around a bunch
Of brain dead people
Who are unable to think
For themselves
Who relies heavily on
Group thinking,
Group dependency,
And group acceptancy
It’s not welcome to
To do anything differently
Or people will experience
Tribal shaming
It’s like a sorority for
Pettiness that doesn’t exist
At any university or college
The scariest thing about it is
They think that
They are individualistic
When they are actually
Apart of the collective
How sad is that
I love me some me
Because I have always felt free
Embracing what makes me unique
Secure in my individuality
And that is amazing
Some people spend most
Of their lives
Trying to figure out
Who they are
But most of it is due
To them giving into peer pressure
When they were very young
And fear of their insecurities
Afraid to be themselves
Afraid to be rejected
Afraid of not being able to
Be apart of the secret group
To be apart of the in crowd
Or maybe it’s a cult
Which is a serious problem
Sometimes wanting to be accepted
By a certain kind of people
So badly
Will cost you something
Like losing your identity
Becoming a carbon copy
Or a string of cut out dolls
Until something goes wrong
Then the in crowd will turn
Into an angry mob
Eventually betraying
You with a Judas kiss
On the outside you will sit
People like this don’t
Stand for anything
Which is why they always
Turn on one another
I have witnessed
This kind of behavior
For years
If this is what it’s
Like being apart of the in crowd
Then I am so glad
That I have never been apart of it

My Idea of Love

First and foremost
Love has no color
In my eyes
If anything
We only deprive
Ourselves of
The endless possibilities
By limiting ourselves
Because we are afraid
To think outside
Of the box
Which has nothing
To do with preferences
Let’s be clear
It all boils
Down to fear
Why not step
Beyond our comfort zone
We become free to fly
High and broaden our horizons
We find out that
There is a whole
New world
To explore
That will embrace
Us and give
Us what we deserve
And a lot more
What a treasure
When we realize
That we can
Have better
We begin to change
We begin to grow
We become less hard
We feel more safe
In our womanhood
Understanding that we
Can be tough as nails
Or soft as Daffodils
There is something about
Being a confident lady
Where we feel safe
It changes things
We owe it to ourselves
To see what’s
Out in the world
To stop questioning
Our worth
Because our past relationship
Choices showed it
Our name is not
The United Way,
Salvation Army,
Or Goodwill
We are not
Charity cases
Therefore no one
Should expect to
Come into our worlds
All while displaying
Very little effort
We deserve more
Than lazy daters
We deserve more
Than deadbeat fathers
Who have multiple
Children mothers
All of which they
Have zero thoughts about
Life is so short
Each passing day that goes by
Should consist
Of choices
That reflects realistic
Plans that were thought out
We are better
Than spontaneous decisions
Unless we are traveling
Around the world
Other than that it’s time to divorce
Fear and marry
Having a priceless worth
If not it will
Be our future
That will be hurt
The right mentality
Will attract the right people
Who are destined to
Be in our lives
But it can’t happen
Without being open
To change
And valuing who we are
We are courageous
We are radiate
We are brilliant
We are a gift
Anyone who says or thinks different
Is out of place
It’s our life
People who wants to
Bring us down shouldn’t be in it
It’s our choice
People who express negative
Is the opposite of positive
They do not serve a purpose
So let them go their way
As we keep shining
Being a beacon light
For true love to find us

Leave It in the Past

Year after year goes by
And people tell themselves
That things will be different
This time
They make a new year’s resolution
As if it’s a magic potion or
An automatic solution
For whatever the problem may be
Still everything in life
Isn’t that easy
Some things are just
Too painful
When a person tells
You to leave things
In the past
Depending on what it is
It’s a sign of them
Having a lack of compassion
Or attempting to not deal
With a situation
Some situations have to be
Dealt with
Because they aren’t avoidable
One shouldn’t consider
Themselves a Christian
Is they have no empathy
For others
No one sat in school
And told the social studies teacher
To leave history
In the past
Or they would have failed
History class
Have they not heard
Of the saying
Those who don’t learn
For the past are
Doomed to repeat it
If certain situations
Are dealt with
How could it be left
In the past
The healing process
Can never began
Without acknowledging mistakes
That have caused pain
Things can’t just be
Swept under a rug
Try having understand
Before speaking as if
You do
Or you will only
Become part of the monster
Of a person’s past
Simply because you are
Trying to get past
A situation that you don’t
Want to deal with
Or don’t care about
Maybe because
It’s not you
Trying saying those
Words to a domestic violence survivor
Or family member
Of a murder victim
Be part of the solution
Not the salt being applied
To an already severe wound

It is Better to Have Loved

Growing up my mind was consumed
Of dreams of having a house
With a white picket fence
Stories of
Cinderella and Snow White
That consisted of highlights of a kiss given
That broke a horrible spell
Or being set free
From the bondage
Of an ungrateful wicked family
Who happiness
Was a beauty’s misery
Still the endings
Were always ones of
Happily ever afters
Then I grew up
And realised
That real love isn’t
A fairy tale
That true love
Sometimes consists of
Having an understanding
That a special moment
Is sometimes all that we are
Blessed to have
It could be the right person
But the wrong time
It could be the right time
But the wrong person
They may not be in a position
To give what is required
Even holding on
For longer than
We should can have long lasting
Consequences
I am not saying that
Having love isn’t important
Because it is
Love alone isn’t always enough
Is all that I am saying
Love is beautiful
Being in love is amazing
Even more so
When it’s mutual
When the love is true
The love is without boundaries
It’s given completely
Unapologetically
Free of the fear
Of being vulnerable
Not concerned about
Who loves who the most
Because true love is
Immeasurable
It’s a true treasure
With the heavy appraisal tag worth
Of being accountable and responsible
In order for things to work
Being prepared
For the possible
Finality of a relationship
That’s the reality of life
It’s loving a person enough
To let them go
Even though it
Was something
That we never dreamt of doing
It’s always wishing
Them well no matter what
The outcome is
If the feeling is the opposite
Then perhaps it wasn’t
Real love to begin with
True love isn’t selfish
It’s being totally committed
It’s being selfless
Real love, true love
Isn’t a fairy tale
Just by our judgment and actions alone
When we are in love
Shows that it’s not easy to
Create or imagine
It’s raw and not simple
Love doesn’t guarantee
That people won’t get hurt
Still as the famous
Quote goes
It is better to have loved
And lost than never to
Have loved at all

Autumn

Autumn is my favorite
Of all four of the seasons
Gone are the signs of Summer
The extremely hot and humid weather
With not many breezes
To give some sort of relief
From the uncomfortable
And sometimes unbearable heat
Is it fine if it is
Someone else’s favorite season
Absolutely
But I have trouble believing
That someone would
Choose summer over autumn
What’s not to love?
However to each their own
Thankful that summer is over
And it’s not about having
A beach body
Happy for a season
That requires wearing warm clothing
I be looking forward
To wearing sweaters
As well as
Wondering to myself
Whether or not if it’s
All right to wear my boots yet
Different colored leaves
Falling from soon to be bare trees
Attempting to find out
How many leaves that I can catch
Toasting marshmallows on
Enormous bonfires that contain what
Seems to be eternal flames
Long starry nights
Crisp aired breezes
Everything with pumpkins
Pumpkin pies and don’t
Forget the pumpkin spiced coffee
Mostly importantly football season
So allow autumn
To occupy its place
It’s only for about 89 to 93 days
Just appreciate it’s brief moment
Because in a blink of an eye
It will be gone without
A trace
Then winter will
Begin to whisper
Of it’s arrival
The only hint of autumn that will
Be around are memories
Which can’t be whisked away
Like a rake did to the leaves
That once flew down streets,
Sidewalks, and walkways
If I had my way
Autumn would never go away

Laying Down the Torch

I absolutely adore Alanis Morissette, I have been a huge fan of hers since her first album. I know, I know, I am telling my age but hey it’s all right. Jagged Little Pill was Alanis first album that was released on June 13, 1995. It’s funny how little things have huge meanings later. Recently I have done an honest elevation of myself and I am glad that I did it. At times some of our biggest epiphanies come from our deepest pain. Sadly they sometimes come at a time when it’s too late to be able to change certain situations but at least we grasp some true realizations. Alanis Morissette music holds a lot of significance for me because it’s part of my memories of my first love…my true love. Love is a powerful feeling and beautiful too. Love is scary because it requires vulnerability. It requires not having any walls how else would a person be able to feel it? People who have never experienced true love know nothing about why the people who do act the way that they do.

The other day I listened to the song called Torch it is an amazing song. Alanis wrote the song about her break up with Ryan Reynold. They had a serious relationship. Their relationship was five years long and they got engaged. Talking about going from you oughta know to a torch mentality. Like Woah. Torch was written to help her get over their break up. Their breakup was mutual. She took the high road writing about everything that she loved and missed yet soldier on in such a graceful way. True love can get a person to reflect on the time that happened yet be able to wish the other person the best. Afterall behaving negative wouldn’t a relationship that ended. Does it hurt? Yes, it does. Letting a person go who you had all these dreams attached to like getting married and having children together, it’s a jagged big pill to swallow for sure. I was definitely there myself before. There was many who couldn’t understand the reason why I did and felt the way that I did. I really was in love with my first love and I will always have a love for him. I have always wished him well and hoped that he received the love that he deserved. Sometimes true love can happen at a bad time my mother was dying of cancer at the time. I had so much responsibility at the time.

Torch taught me that I was always on the right track even many years ago. Most people don’t realize what real love requires. I am just thankful that I experienced true love at least once in my life. If I never do again it’s alright. I have once carried a torch, have laid it down, and have no hope of relighting aka rekindling anything. Betty White turned 97 years old the other day and she said something that was so profound she said “Enjoy life,” Accentuate the positive, not the negative. It sounds so trite, but a lot of people will pick out something to complain about, rather than say, Hey, that was great! It’s not hard to find great stuff if you look.” The best advice about life ever!