Understanding

Being the Light

Above anything, I identify with Christianity
I’m a black woman second
My walk with Christ
Gets tested because
That enemy of ours satan
Is behind the scene
Concocting schemes
I can see it
My heart breaks over George Floyd’s death
I don’t support police brutality
I’m merely saying that
It’s a situation that touches everybody
To a certain degree
Don’t believe me?
Just watch the tv
Listen how people speak
Protesting peacefully
Can get a lot more done
Instead of burning down buildings
Just ask Dr. King
After the smoke clears
Where will people go to shop
For groceries or clothing?
Let’s not forget about COVID-19
It’s still out there
We cry the same kind of tears
We bleed the same color
Our organs can cross racial lines too
I’m going to do what I do best
That’s pray
Look to the cross
Because God is the boss
I look for reasons to understand
And love
Not hate
Some may disagree
That’s fine
All I know is that
One can’t dismiss
The power of something
That they don’t even
Acknowledge that it exists
Unless a bad situation happens
Then it’s “Where is your God now???”
My God is still sitting on the throne
He’s mighty, powerful and true
I’m not adding to
The darkness of hate
It would be a mistake
People of every race are
My sisters and brothers
The same way that I have
This kind of view
They do too
Which is a blessing in my book

I Just Don’t Know How to Feel

I feel like the U2 song called Numb
I have a bland demeanor
I just don’t know how to feel
I wrote a post
The other day
Was it God preparing me
I spoke about
The importance of being healthy
Then boom one of my sisters
That is second to me in my family
Became sickly
My sister and I
Have very different personalities
We are not any different
Than any other siblings
She would push me
To the point where
I would scream
Then things would really get ugly
The next thing you know
We stop speaking
To each other
This last time was unique
Because when I spoke
Back to my sister
She had a surgery
That changed everything
It brought on an
Illness that made her so weak
That it robbed
Her of her speech and mobility
My sister told me
That she had a vision
Of all of her sisters
When we were young
In the backyard playing
Then she gave me an apology
She said I’m sorry
That I have been so mean
I love you with all of my heart
Then she started crying
And asked God
Why are You punishing me?
I think about Christianity
Christians are still
Human beings
Is it right
For us to except
People being mean?
I always try
To be forgiving
I feel so torn
Do I stand up
And demand respect
For all the times
She made me upset
Or do I allow
This situation to teach me
To not waste time
On stupid things
Because time is the most
Valuable thing that you can
Share with someone
That you love deeply
I love my sisters
So much I just
Want us to live to be elderly
I just want us to live carefree
I just want us to be happy
Father God in Heaven
Please allow my prayers
To be
My heart can’t take
Anymore agony

Say Whaaat Now?!

I absolutely love the Golden Girls, Maude was my favorite. Maude’s facial expressions were priceless. Maude facial expressions are a perfect way to describe how I was feeling this morning when I received an email about an article pertaining to Shaun King. You know the Shaun King whose race is constantly being questioned. Shaun King is calling for a boycott of the NFL. SMH!!! Shaun King please go sit down somewhere. I have not been waiting for all these months to boycott the NFL behind Colin Kaepernick who’s a millionaire. Before Colin Kaepernick became the starting quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers be played backup to Alex Smith. When Alex Smith got hurt he was kicked to the curb and Colin took over. To be honest that situation never sat very well with me even though I am a Dallas Cowboys’ fan. Anyway Alex Smith is now the starting quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs who beat the New England Patriots last Thursday. Alex Smith is one heck of a quarterback. I wanted to write about the NFL boycott months ago when it was first being talked about because I felt that it was absurd.

Last year I wrote a post about Colin Kaepernick and drama that was happening. Now here comes Shaun King with his mess. I can’t stand when some people find a reason to constantly stir the pot of crap. Anyone who has heard of Shaun King knows what he’s about. This black sister will not I repeat will not boycott the NFL because there is no reason to do so. Boycott is to withdraw from commercial or social relations with (a country, organization, or person) as a punishment or protest. Now tell me the reason why we should punish the NFL and ourselves for Colin Kaepernick? Colin Kaepernick is a quarterback whose stats looked like crap before he started to take a knee. Here’s what Shaun King had to say recently:

“This past June I announced that I would be personally boycotting the NFL for their outrageous mistreatment of Colin Kaepernick. That decision was personal and I hesitated to call for a national boycott of the league — in part because I naively thought Colin would already be on a team by now. He’s not — and that’s wrong.
Today, I am calling for a national boycott of the NFL.
*Don’t watch the games. Any of them. Not in person and not on television.
*Cancel any subscription services to the league — like Sunday Ticket — if you have one.
*Don’t even watch the damn highlights.
Listen, we live in an outrageous time in our nation’s history where a bigoted orange carnival barker is the President of the United States. In the shadow of that tragedy, many things that would’ve previously become a national scandal are given a quick glance or a simple shake of the head when they deserve so much more.
White supremacists are marching on American cities and running over peaceful people with their cars. 830 people have been killed by American police so far this year and only a few among us can name even a single victim. To this day, four different white supremacists that beat the life out of Deandre Harris in the parking lot of the Charlottesville Police Department are still on the loose and have not yet been identified. It’s been a month.
This is why Colin Kaepernick took a peaceful knee in the first place. He was right to take a knee. Hell, our entire nation should be taking a knee or raising a fist right now.
A few months ago, when I first announced that I just couldn’t watch the NFL any longer, people were still making the foolhardy argument that it was purely a football decision to keep Colin out of the league and that he simply wasn’t good enough to play the game anymore. Never mind that no 29 year old quarterback in NFL history had Colin’s stats and success without being on a roster the following year. Never mind that men who had never completed a single pass in the NFL were brought in from the Arena League for roster spots. Never mind that career second and third string quarterbacks were brought out of retirement for jobs this season. White supremacy will always contort itself in peculiar ways to justify its existence.
Since June, a shift has taken place. NFL stars, executives, and experts who don’t even agree with Colin taking a knee during the national anthem have all come out to say that the only reason he’s not on a roster right now is because of his stance against injustice. To say otherwise is a lie.
Colin Kaepernick is in the prime of his athletic life. He is in peak physical condition. He is a model citizen. He is a compassionate and generous soul. He was so well-liked by his teammates last season that they voted to give him the team’s highest honor for his performance on and off the field. He has set NFL records. He took his team to the Super Bowl and deep into the playoffs multiple times. None of it matters, though, because teams in the NFL are openly aiming to make an example of him.
League executives have openly admitted that they “genuinely hate him.” Let’s stop right there for a moment. How could that even be? Hate what? What has this man done to warrant such strong disdain?
Please allow me to remind you that at least seven different NFL team owners gave $1 million or more to Donald Trump’s campaign. No other sports league in the world is even close to that number. If you don’t think Colin being shut out of the NFL has anything to do with this, then you have a fundamental misunderstanding of the problem. These white men hate Colin, like Donald Trump hates Colin, and like Trump hates Obama, because they cannot believe a black man stepped into power without their permission. These white team owners cannot believe that Colin took a stance against injustice in America without their expressed permission and blessing. And they particularly cannot believe that when they expressed their displeasure, that he continued to do it anyway — with players all over the league following his example. That’s why they hate him. He is a quiet, peaceful man. To hate him says much more about you than it does about Colin.
Listen, I love sports. I am a sports junkie and have been my whole life. I’ve watched hundreds, maybe thousands, of NFL games throughout my life. I am personal friends with dozens of players in the league. But I can’t, in good conscience, support this corporation knowing that they have effectively banned a good man, and a capable player, from playing because he took a quiet stand against injustice and police brutality.
So, I’m asking you to join me in boycotting the NFL this year. We will end our boycott when Colin Kaepernick is signed to an NFL roster. It’s that simple.
Listen, we have power. Our money has power. Our viewership has power. Our buying power can sway what companies do or don’t support. But we have to unify and make this power mean something.”

Okay, Shaun King whatever. I know it was a lot to read pertaining to what Shaun King said. I don’t support what Shaun King is doing it’s a load of barnacles. Yeah I said it.

Load of barnacles

There is one person who doesn’t support what Colin Kaepernick was doing and that is George Foremen who was on the “Offended America” podcast and said that that people like Kaepernick, who refuse to stand for the national anthem, are just looking for attention.

“I love the United States,” Foreman said. “They [Kevin Durant and Colin Kaepernick] haven’t been brought up with people who were patriotic.”

He added, “A lot of people died so that they can have that privilege.” I totally agree with George Foremen and that’s why I am not boycotting the NFL.

Don’t Come For Me

Today I had a black man tell me that myself and other black women who choose to swirl deserves to be placed into an oven alive so we can burn. I know what you are thinking Tameeka “why do you care about what a troll says?” I’ll tell you why because like I have already been saying there is a problem within the black community. It’s hard for me as well as some of the other single mothers who have black sons. Many of us are fighting to make sure that our sons will be respectable and productive citizens. I have already shared that I have always been attracted to white men however I did have two children with a black man. One day I will tell the whole story in a book because it’s worthy of that. I will say this while I love my sons very deeply I do wish that they was blessed to have another father however they would not be who they are without having the father that they have. The main thing that needs to be said is this don’t come for me unless you know my story and you heard it come from me directly. I am Not ashamed of my battle scars the war has been won that part of my life is done. I am at the point in my life that I don’t mind talking about what I have been through if it can help someone else.

My sons are by the same man who I married as well. The marriage did not work out it is what it is, getting married is one thing staying married is another. What is the most important thing that needs to be understood is that sometimes in order to avoid what Not to do you must understand why you should Not do it. I had my oldest in 2001 and my youngest in 2003 that was before Facebook, Twitter and You-Tube. Today there is a wealth of information available that can help the generations after me. Understand this I have never told any black woman to date a black man only. I always say date the person who loves and treats you the best regardless of his skin color because love has no color. There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to have a family it just has to be done properly. If hurricane Harvey wasn’t an eye opener I am not sure what will there were way too many single black mothers who were totally alone. I am a advocate for breaking the chains of broken homes because they are the destroyer of children’s tomorrows. Every child deserves to be brought up in an intact home. I do Not want any child to walk around with a hole in their heart that was created by their parent. Children can be repaired unlike most adults this is why broken homes must cease be eradicated all together.

Back on topic I remember when I told my mother that I was attracted to white men at first she had a hard time accepting it. My mother told me that she was afraid of me being hurt but as I told her any man can hurt you. The support of interracial dating that is out now wasn’t around in the 80’s and 90’s. Support strengthens people to be brave enough to stand up for what they believe is right think about it civil rights didn’t happen with just Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. acts alone. As black women we must pull together and lift one another up not looked down on other women who messed up. I know that there are some disrespectful black men who are on a vendetta to try to destroy us but they can’t do that as long as we band together. I want to see all black women happy and successful don’t judge me by my past. To know me now is to learn my past so you may learn from it the struggles that I encountered yesterday made me the woman who I am today and I am not ashamed. Hurt people, hurt others and healed people, heal others please know that I am healed woman.

But You’re Still Black

Ummm. Okay. Thank you for confirming what I see in the mirror on a every day basis. It’s a no brainer my mother and father were black not sure about the exact percentage I need to take a heritage DNA test. I get taken back by some black men when they find out I’m into dating outside of my race they always feel the need to remind me of what my race is. Whatever dude.

Some black men need to think of how it comes off when they say “but you’re still black”. As if there’s some invisible obligation clause black women can’t see like sister you’re chained to us for life. Sista you are subjected to being disrespected, a struggling single parent and lots of turmoil remember you are black. It is really frustrating because many black people fought for our rights to be seen as individuals beyond our color. Yes I am black but that’s only a small fraction of who I am. Some black people think really small it’s okay for people to be themselves and Not follow a trend. I used to say that I was different but that’s far from the truth. I am Tameeka simple as that. I am me. The world would be a much better place if people would walk into their chosen purpose without fear. There is freedom in being who God called you to be.

I’m not sentenced to do what people of my race sees fit for me to do. They can call me names like coon and sellout it’s just a control tactic that I won’t fall for. I’m not alone when it comes to these feelings it’s refreshing too. It’s always amazing to me when some black men speak of racism yet treat their own women like dirt. It’s a new day and age people are being true to themselves and dealing with people who celebrate them not tolerate them.

 

 

 

 

 

Pray About It

There is power in prayer. There has been so much that  I have been through prayer helped me out a lot. What I have learned is if God brings you to it He’ll bring you through it.

Daniel, Nehemiah, David, Paul and even Christ prayed. Yes at times tests come along that can make things difficult still we can’t forget about all the times God brought us through. God is not a part-time God He works overtime and we see His work over time. The devil send situations that can try to make us anxious but the Bible says not to be. Sometimes God allows things to happen right away and sometimes it takes time either way God is always on time.

A couple of things that we have to have for others is empathy and compassion. We shouldn’t be so quick to tell a person to just pray about something. Yes, it’s important to pray but  I don’t want to be a person who says “just pray about it” as a way to silence a person. You don’t want to come off as being dismissive. Remember God sent that person to you for a reason so never brush a person off by saying “just pray about it”. Allow a person to vent then we pray for them after we suggest praying about a situation. Perhaps God gave you something to say as way to show the person that everything is going to be okay. I can’t tell you the number of times when I was waiting for a sign from God and a person would come with a word that was confirmation.

All I want to do on my walk with Christ is grow. I know that I have a ways to go and I am no perfect. I will stubble at times but with the power of prayer  I will be fine. Having a relationship with Christ is worth everything that comes my way because I know that everything with be okay. Thank Father God for the gift of prayer.

Matthew 6:9-13

9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

10 Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

11 Give us this day our daily bread.

12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

Bittersweet

I’ve prayed about it

I’ve allowed God to handle it

I’ve made room to forgive

It’s over

It’s finally over

Now I can

Start to experience closure

Trying to describe how

I’m feeling right now

It’s like trying to describe

The taste of water

As I have gotten older

I have realized that

Trying to reflect back on memories

It’s like physically trying to look

Over your shoulder

I’m just not that flexible

I’ve tried my very best

Yet in some cases

Ended up with less

There’s no need to cry over spilled milk

There’s absolutely no sense in it

I’m still blessed regardless

I just look at things as

Life learned lessons

Many things took place

Between you and I

You have no idea

Of how many tears

That I have cried

I really tired

Deep down inside

Apart of me feels like it wants to die

Yet there’s so much

That I would like to forget

I know that you had a purpose

After all we have two great kids

Here I go again

I have to stop this

I have to begin

The healing process

I have to do it

I have strength

It’s weird still

A small part of

This situation I can’t grasp

Am I still in love

Yeah right don’t make me laugh

The way that you act

Your middle name should be

Jackass or dumbass

Because you played a huge part

Of helping to put something that

Could have been special into the past

I won’t blame you totally

I also share responsibility

This ending is bittersweet

I came across a thought

Of you I actually smiled

And I felt a tear roll down my cheek

Yet I’m fine if we never speak

You have to leave

Something behind in order

To go forward

The hardest part of moving on

Is putting the pieces

Of your broken heart back together

And be brave enough to love again

It’s finally the end

It’s a tough pill to swallow

Tough to accept that we didn’t work out

A fresh start isn’t bad

I know that God has my back

So there’s no need to be sad

Communication

Most problems between people would be saved if only they would communicate. If something is bothering you say it don’t throw hints talk clear the air. It isn’t fair to the person that you have a problem with. You have a mouth use it. Look at it like this when a baby is hungry, sick, upset etc what does it do? It cries so a parent know it needs something. A baby should not communicate better than an adult it’s time to grow up. Great friendships and relationships have been broken up all behind people not communicating and having an ego which aren’t a good combo.

There’s no need to write a thousand words about something that’s so simple. Don’t lose a treasured relationship because you refuse to open your mouth.

The problem could  be simple to fix but you will never know if you don’t talk. If you value your friendship or relationship save it. Talk.