I Just Don’t Know How to Feel

I feel like the U2 song called Numb
I have a bland demeanor
I just don’t know how to feel
I wrote a post
The other day
Was it God preparing me
I spoke about
The importance of being healthy
Then boom one of my sisters
That is second to me in my family
Became sickly
My sister and I
Have very different personalities
We are not any different
Than any other siblings
She would push me
To the point where
I would scream
Then things would really get ugly
The next thing you know
We stop speaking
To each other
This last time was unique
Because when I spoke
Back to my sister
She had a surgery
That changed everything
It brought on an
Illness that made her so weak
That it robbed
Her of her speech and mobility
My sister told me
That she had a vision
Of all of her sisters
When we were young
In the backyard playing
Then she gave me an apology
She said I’m sorry
That I have been so mean
I love you with all of my heart
Then she started crying
And asked God
Why are You punishing me?
I think about Christianity
Christians are still
Human beings
Is it right
For us to except
People being mean?
I always try
To be forgiving
I feel so torn
Do I stand up
And demand respect
For all the times
She made me upset
Or do I allow
This situation to teach me
To not waste time
On stupid things
Because time is the most
Valuable thing that you can
Share with someone
That you love deeply
I love my sisters
So much I just
Want us to live to be elderly
I just want us to live carefree
I just want us to be happy
Father God in Heaven
Please allow my prayers
To be
My heart can’t take
Anymore agony

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Rick is the Walking Dead

Here’s my daily rant! Rick Grimes is the Walking Dead! I am a huge Walking Dead fan I have coffee mugs, tons of t-shirts, and a Daryl Dixon’s crossbow lamp.

I get so tired of people questioning fans’ loyalty. I love the show. I just don’t like how it’s looking so different from the show that I first felling in love with.

The opening of the Walking Dead starts with Rick. Fans have been looking at things through Rick’s eyes.

It saddens me about Andrew Lincoln’s departure. For months there have been lots of speculation pertaining to Andrew leaving. He confirmed about the departure news during the San Diego Comic Con. I understand that he is British and that he wants to be with his family. I appreciate all of the sacrifice that he has made for the fans over the years. Not many people would spend as much time away from their families as Andrew Lincoln has.

I will watch the Walking Dead to the very end because I am a true fan. However, understand this Rick is the Walking Dead anyone else who attempts to fill his boots is nothing more than a bottle episode aka filler. Having someone to fill in for Rick is like Willow and Xander attempting to fill in for Buffy, it won’t work. Let the ratings show the truth because they will.

Okay Rant Over! Thank you Andrew Lincoln for everything! We love you! We will miss you!

Real Christian?

Will the real Christians please stand up? Do you know how many people consider themselves Christians? There are 2.4 billion people in the world who follow Christianity. Christians and people of the world seems to think they know what a real Christian is.

I don’t pay attention to the people of the world because they don’t believe in Christ so their opinions are invalid. They use people as an excuse to not have a relationship with Christ. I can’t take people seriously who use others as an excuse instead of just saying that they don’t want to follow Christ.

Every day I see certain Christians make a big deal about things like hair color just a couple of weeks ago Erica Campbell debuted her pink hair. There were so many people in an uproar claiming that she looked too “worldly”. Erica Campbell is one half of the gospel group Mary Mary. Mary Mary makes music that everyone can enjoy no telling how many people that they have brought to Christ. For the record I felt that she looked fantastic. The pink hair that she wore was from her hairline called Erica. So I’m thinking it could be about her making money in my opinion. I just can’t take some black Christians seriously. I’ll tell you why. Guess who used to rock pink hair unapologetically until she passed away?
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Jan Crouch founded TBN with her husband I never heard not even one black person say anything about her hair. As a matter of fact they made huge donations to TBN for years and probably still do. Some black people pick and choose what they want to get up in an uproar about.

The word Christian means Christlike resembling or showing the spirit of Christ. christly. christian – following the teachings or manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus Christ. No Christian will ever be perfect the bibles says it.Romans 3:10 As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one. However it is still no excuse to fall short on purpose. Every day we should strive to do better on our walk with Christ.
sidewalks
Christ will help us to get better on our walk if our heart is truly in it. My walk isn’t according to other Christians standards and definitely not by the world’s standards but God’s. People need not look at me if you aren’t looking to God first. Everyone lives and paths are different. I don’t know what Christ is doing in other people’s lives I’m concentrating on my own path while praying for others. Real Christians pray for one another and aren’t hurtful to one another. There is a saying that goes that a Christian may be the only Bible that a person reads. Which is interesting. The only person who was perfect in the Bible was Christ everyone fell short including David. So if I am the Bible that a person reads they will see that I’m a human being with a lot of faith in God just like Job had.

God’s Children

In 1994, I was working at a convenience store, one of my coworkers and I would bring in different cassettes to help the shift pass by. She brought in Shania Twain for me to listen to and I brought in Korn. We listened to Shania Twain’s song called “Any Man of Mine”. I told my coworker how much I enjoyed Shania’s song; it had a different sound. To me it was like the turning point of country music. I put on my Korn cassette and the song called “Blind” began to play. My co-worker was like “Tameeka that music is too hard for me”.

I have been a huge fan of Korn every since the band first came out. My mustang was covered in bumper stickers and Korn was one of them.

As I have shared I was raised in a Christian household but I have not always followed closely with Christ and as a result have made mistakes. When it comes to being a Christian we should be quick to love and slow to judge because everyone have blemishes that are on our life’s record.

I remember when Brian “Head” Welch left Korn to focus on having a relationship with Christ. It was a very life changing experience for him. God will take us away from people and things as a way to get our attention it’s the only way that we will listen. Brian endured a lot but through it all God had his back several events showed him that.

One day God told him to rejoin the band Korn. God told Brian to look out at the audience and that all those people are His children too. The hardest part of Brian’s walk probably was and still is other Christians being judgemental. Of all the people in the world Christians should be the most understanding.

Now don’t get me wrong I understand that God says to judge righteously but being judgemental is different. When we as Christians set up boundaries about who real Christians are or what they are called to do it set up barriers. Boundaries becomes unnecessary making barriers blocking us from giving good service. Good service is allowing God to use us so that we can do God’s work. If we as Christians become selective of who we reach it causes people who wants to have a relationship with Christ to become discouraged. Discouragement is never helpful to anyone. I know that I never want to be responsible for sending a person to hell, that’s a burden that I do not want to bear.

The Bible is filled with people who went through trials and tribulations, this is why we should pray for discernment so that we won’t get in the way of what God is doing. God can use anyone because we are God’s children. There is hope for everyone because God can save anyone.

The Bible tells us to be careful how we treat people that we may be entertaining an angel. God is not one of confusion He would not give anyone permission to mistreat someone based on their views.

John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

The Haunted Mansion

I find the men who have trouble with commitment quite comical. No one and I do mean no one is going to stop me from being happy for people who are getting married or have gotten married especially for Her Royal Highness, The Duchess of Sussex and Duke of Sussex, Earl of Dumbarton and Baron Kilkeel. I was so stoked for Prince Harry and Meghan’s wedding yesterday, ooh and that gospel choir though!!!

These kinds of men will tug (attempt to anyway) at a woman’s self-esteem until they are able to bring them down to their level/standards. Newsflash if a man is one of substance he would not try to bring a woman down. Mind you if they are able to bring a woman down it is not for a commitment it’s only to use and abuse her while bashing the woman after she has given in and done what he wanted. A woman isn’t good enough for commitment but she’s good enough to have sex with.

Women must be careful of these kinds of men real men don’t do these kinds of things. These kinds of men possess soul ties so many souls that are tied to them that they no longer possess a temple but more like a haunted mansion. They have trouble with commitment however unbeknownst to them soul ties are for life and they need to get their lives right. We all need to pray for discernment so that we don’t connect with the wrong people.

As long as we are living we all deserve to smile so there is no time to entertain people whose main objective is to prey on you. We are better than that.

I Get It Now

Yesterday on Facebook I spoke out against gun control. I’m so thankful for my blog because it reminds me of the reason why I started it. People always tell me to speak for myself but when I do, I end up hitting someone’s nerve. I’m all for people having their own opinions but I can’t tolerate dealing with people who can’t see anything else, a debate becomes a headache instantly.

The post that I wrote said,” Everyone wants to talk about gun control but no one wants to talk about broken homes”. Oh! Why did I say that?! Here comes the backlash!

Everyone wants to talk about mass murders but no one wants to talk about what started it all prior to the person pulling the trigger. Bullying, delinquent associates, substance abuse, untreated mental illnesses and so forth all goes back to a child’s upbringing. Poor family relations and poor parental supervision are some of the reasons for the lack of parental intervention. No one wants to address the potential risk and need factors before the violence occurs.

Now please don’t misunderstand me I am sorry for the lives that were lost in violent crimes. I just don’t feel that gun control is the solution. People want a quick fix to more than likely a problem that they may have helped to contribute to. Its let’s take the guns away but don’t talk about poor home training. Everything isn’t a microwave fix sometimes a stove has to be used. Modern times have spoiled some people, they want quick fixes without putting in the work.

No one wants to talk about some women not using birth control or caring about the kind of partner they are having children with (who will soon be absent). The crazy thing is that some of the very people who support abortion feel that it’s okay to take away a person’s right to bear arms.

Like I said, “it’s all fun and games to talk about taking away someone else’s right until it’s something that they care about”. I’m being honest some of the black people who are for gun control because of the mass shootings are the same ones who get upset when black on black crime is mentioned. Some black people want to talk about the crazy white kid who committed mass murder but doesn’t care about a black kid being shot on the street corner. That’s when the snitches get stitches come in to play and no one says a word that could help to solve a murder. Some black people are selective about certain causes. Yes. I said it. They rather talk about the broken homes happening overseas. They don’t want to talk about the 72% out of wedlock rate that is climbing. The children born out of wedlock will want to know where they came from and why their parent is absent. It is selfish for adults to mess up as parents and expect their children to be okay. There are no do-overs in parenting it’s easier to fix a damaged kid than a broken adult. These broken people go out into the world, become society’s problem and sometimes people get hurt.

I am convinced more than ever that everything that I experienced growing up has lead up to this moment. I used to be ashamed about the pain from my childhood but now I want to help others. I get it now my past has molded me and now I am speaking out.

While growing up in a broken home
All I ever wanted
Was if I was blessed to become a mother
That my children would not experience
The same thing
My father was abusive
My mother struggled
She did her best of raising me
More important than the
Time spent, home cooking, cooking lessons
Was teaching me about Christ,
Responsibility and accountability
People say that the best way
To reach others is to be
Able to relate
To their pain
To their upbringing
I get it now
Everything that happened in my life
Was meant for something greater
People speak of gun control
But no one wants to speak
About the dysfunction
That is produced from a broken home
Serial killers, mass murders, bombers,
Black on black crime, terrorist etc.
All of these people are apart of situations
Where innocent people were killed
Not all by guns
When people want to kill
They don’t always use guns
One way or another
They will find a way to get it done
They will do what they set out to do
It’s time for me
To speak the truth
Being silent
There is no use
I get it now

My Lane

As I get older I find myself traveling down memory lane, thinking of what could have been then I am bought back to reality, things are how they are supposed to be. When I was nineteen I attended college for a short time then I began working at a convenience store thinking what I was making was big money guess what? I wasn’t. I should have stayed in college I allowed my contentment with substituting pennies for dollars. I allowed my contentment for a small paycheck to be bigger than a career with the benefits of a 401k. I am now back in college with two children even though it’s never too late for a change. I can’t deny that my decisions has a lot to do with my present life.

Now that I am older I understand that I will follow through with my goals. I will run my race because I want to get to my destination which can’t be done trying to run someone else’s. I have grown. I trust God’s guidance and Not my own. I trust God with my life’s outcome. Every day I tell myself these things:
My life
My lane
My choices
My mistakes
My lessons
My testimonies
My destiny
My God shall direct my path and supply my every need.