Masculinity

So the other day I was watching a reaction video for Type O Negative. The young lady spoke of how she had not seen masculinity like Peter Steele ever! I was thinking to myself “What kind of men has she seen?” Not just her I have seen other comments too. One video by Type O Negative called “Love You to Death a person assumed that Peter had self-esteem issues because of his lyrics. In the song “Love You to Death, Pete asked “Am I good enough for you?”

First off Peter Steele could have had any woman that he wanted. Peter Steele was a different kind of man. When I think of the lyrics asking “Am I good enough for you?”Perhaps he understood a woman’s worth!!! Which is something that certain men don’t see or care about.

I just feel that today’s world is so sad. Masculinity to me isn’t about a man’s physique it’s about a man standing up in his manhood without fear. A strong man makes responsible decisions and knows how to make a woman feel safe. All women want to feel safe.

There is so much pressure that occurs when an honest opinion is given. As a black woman I feel that being dishonest is doing a disservice to those who need to hear the truth. I’m not going to lie about what some black men should be doing. We have been taking on many things for far too long only to be told that we have attitudes, harsh, and not feminine. I would love to be carefree like Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz unfortunately I can’t.

Something has to be done. Young ladies of this generation needs to see more men like Peter Steele and not feel that they are extinct!!!

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A Letter to My 21 Year Old Self

This may come off as a surprise to some but there isn’t too many things that I regret in my life. So if I were to write a letter to myself it would be about the three rules to live by. The rules would help situations that would occur to go along smoother. I really don’t think much would changed in my life by keeping these things in mind. I guess must of it is because I think about the scripture Romans 8:28 all things work together for the good this I believe strongly. We cannot have the rainbow without the rain, wind or mud it’s all apart of the process.

First of the rules that I would write is to never take the people who God placed into your life for granted. Let them know how much you love them and don’t hold back. I lost my mother on February 3, 1997; she and I were very close. Not saying that I  didn’t show her that I loved her. Let’s be honest we all make the mistake of living like our parents will be here forever and life gets busy too. However no matter what always make sure that people know and feel how much that you care lay it on thick.

The second rule would be one of my favorites nowadays which is never place time limits on things that  takes time. It’s pretty self-explanatory the reasons why I  say this. Things that requires an extensive commitment should never be rushed it’ll only get you into trouble. Things like getting married, having children and healing from a broken heart.Trust God no matter what the clocks says everything will turn out alright in the end.

Lastly don’t waste too much time trying to relive situations that have long been over, over and over again. The past robs your present which eventually ruins your future. If something  bad has happened no matter how much we think about it thinking won’t change a thing. If you are bless to get a chance to fix the problem it will not happen until it’s time to do so. Just let the past go completely go back into history if you are studying Social Studies only.This goes for good memories too like me getting my degree life keeps going the world keeps spinning and it’s not going to stop for us. We can’t stop time we just stop making new memories reminiscing about old things. Things would go alot better when we are open and honest with ourselves to begin with. Not saying that my life is perfect and that I am absolutely proud because I’m not. Guess what that’s okay all that means is that there’s more to do and I am so ready to.

Divorce and Christianity

I so kid you not moments before I started to write my blog  on divorce and Christianity a person that I am following  wrote a blog on mixed marriages. It’s not what you think that it is, it was about mixing spiritually. After I read it I felt set free. Anyone who knows me know how stubborn that I can be how I will hold on when letting go is the best option. Physically my ex and I aren’t together haven’t been for over ten years now.However guilt about what is said in scripture gets to me. But after I read the blog I felt that it was confirmation about everything. It’s  understood how God feels about divorce : Malachi 2:16 For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for [one] I coverth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of host:therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. There are several scriptures on divorce and marriage Book of Luke, Matthew, Romans and Genesis etc. Deuteronomy 24:1 says that the husband must write a letter of divorcement.

In 2004 I got married as I have shared my mother was a Christian and I wanted to give my sons a home to name a few. The reasons why I got married was understandable but were they the right ones? Marriage is a very serious situation and I will not use the cop out about being a backslider at the time there’s just no excuse. After the cute wedding the seriousness of marriage sinks in. If you were to see my ex and I together you’d literally ask how the heck did he and I wined up together. He and I are far from two peas in a pod try oil and water. It’s beyond our background and personalities it’s spiritually as well. I love Christ He has brought me a might long ways and my ex doesn’t believe in what I believe. Our sons and I pray together at night and bless our food. The lifestyle that we lead my ex can not fit in. We can’t mix spiritually the Bible even speak of being with a person when they are unequally yoked 2Corinthians 6:14. For me there has been so much that has taken place between my ex and I that can not be fixed. The marriage is not beyond forgiveness but it is beyond restoration. I am not a pastor but I know how mighty and powerful God is. He sent His only begotten Son to earth. I know that God has to be understanding about my situation. He doesn’t make a person suffer forever behind a bad choice. I will admit that had I not backslid I would made better choice. That’s why I walk strongly today. I would rather wait on God no matter how long it takes. His thinking is higher His ways are higher.

Hope For Love

Yes, we are loved 24/7 by Christ He shows His love by blessing our lives with our hearts’ desires. When it comes to love we have to be open to the possibilities. I understand that we all have our preferences which are fine as long as they hold hands with reality. My ideal dream man is white, smart, great smile, and at least 6’0 feet tall indeed that’s the one for me. I’m not ashamed to admit it love has not brought me much luck. It has not been that kind, it’s okay though I’m fine with that. It’s not God’s fault at all it’s on me totally it’s all about the way that I sought it out. My hunt was went about wrong we all know that when something begins wrong it will end up being wrong. Not one who cares for the saying ” It’s not how you start it’s how you finish” that may apply to some things but I don’t believe that it goes for love. Anyway when love is looked for it is not found true love happens unexpectedly.  Besides according to the Bible when a man finds a wife he has found a good thing. Meaning what’s meant to be needs no help it’s not the woman’s job to seek her man.Well I’m going to be a little cocky I believe God will give us what we want as long as it’s within His will.

In my life I have been in five serious relationships. I have never just dated or courted someone just got into a relationship instantly instead of taking it slowly. Hmmmm perhaps that is where I went wrong. It’s important to take the time to get to know a person. There could be red flags present but if one does take their  time they will go unnoticed. Now all of the relationships weren’t bad there were good times. In my opinion they are looked at as unsuccessful because I am not with anyone of them. Let’s face it longevity of a relationship is the ultimate display of success. I was twenty-one years old when I got into my first relationship. My first love was truly amazing he was white, smart, tall we enjoyed many of the same things. It seemed like I had hit the jackpot right out of the gate, Yaaaaaaay go me!!!!!! He was everything that I had ever wanted. Let me cover this before I take my story any further I do believe that love has no color. Chemistry is important as well has having things in common too. I am a black female and I have always have had an attraction to white men. Also the things that I have always been into made it so, I love all music it’s the love of my life. However rock and roll is my favorite music along with metal and alternative normally the black men that I come across that enjoy what I enjoy are usually into white women which is a story for another blog which I will be writing about in the near future. Back to the story at hand my first love and I were young so we were both inexperienced. My background of having an abusive father did not make things any easier either.

I admit my part in the failing of the relationship. To be honest I actually felt unworthy of love like not worthy of God’s blessing that was sent to me. It must be understood that a person who comes from an abusive background can sometimes make it hard for one to love them. People like us punish ourselves because it’s all that we know. Past abusive relationships plays a role in present and future relationships when not dealt with. Not bashing my past too much it helped to develop me into the woman that I am today therefore I am proud of my battle wounds they aren’t scars. I’m healed completely of my past very thankful for that. In fact the way that I view my other four relationships aren’t in a negative way they taught the goodness of the first one. Also one of the relationships gave me my  two handsome sons who are loved very dearly by me. The four relationships that I had give me an understanding of there purposes therefore they need no mentioning or elaborating on.

Right now I know and I am very confident that I am ready for love. I know that God will send  me the right husband. Life has taught me what I need to know that I am worthy of the beauty of love. Regardless of my choices, my mistakes, my hurt, my pain, my past, my fear I will not give up on love. No one should give up on love it adds meaning to everyone’s lives and we all deserve to smile. For my dedication to love I wrote a poem it’s titled “Won’t Give Up On Love” it goes:

Although I have been dealt with what some may consider to be an unlucky hand

I haven’t given up on one the things that I desire having the most and that’s love

I long to feel totally complete with the love who embraces who I am

Unique yet difficult at the same time

One who I would give my all for even if it makes me feel uncomfortable

I am willing to step outside of my comfort zone as long as the feelings are mutual

I desire a king because I am a queen

A queen longs to take care of her king in ways that all the money can’t buy

I want to be the one that he can talk to about whatever it is that’s on his mind

His desires, his fears always backing him in his dreams big or little

Never allowing doubt to shadow his God given potential no matter what

I will always remain loyal and true blue

Most men and women have been hurt

They have been wounded and scarred from pain

Even when they move on the hurt remains

Vowing never to allow themselves to trust or love again

But they can’t give up, we can’t give up on love

On being united with their kings or queens

Joined together can you say love royalty

Love should never be taken lightly or for granted

Love sometimes is treated like a bad habit

Some people give love a bad name which is something that it doesn’t deserve

All because some of the people chose to give their hearts

To a complete stranger as it

It would be placed in danger some people have a nerve

Still there’s hope it doesn’t matter that life threw them a curve ball

Just have to wait and be patient their love problems will be solved

Love can make the coldest heart warm

When God made man in His image

He thought that man should not be alone so God made a woman

He intended for a woman to be a help mate

She is to relieve some of his weight and to kiss her king’s wounds

And forgive his mistakes

Willing to do whatever it takes to seal their love’s fate

Never making him feel like less than a champion

The greatest love comes from above

With God as the navigator He will guide us towards things

That are greater that includes the mate that is meant for us

All we have to do is trust so with that being said

I won’t give up on love