Love With An Open Heart

Past relationships and experiences
Dictate how we interact
In future relationships
Causing us to armour up
To put our guards up
Which still allow
Past disappointments
To continue to take
Centerstage
We then
Come up with reasons
For our actions
Dress them up
By giving them different names
Whether they are referred to
As a protective layer
Or a wall
They are used in order to
Keep us from feeling
Vulnerable
Which in actuality
Keeps us from
Something that could
Potentially be special
Love requires the giving
Of oneself
Compromise and
Vulnerability
How Else will we be
Able to recognize
True love’s credibility
Then we can enjoy stability
Be set free
From past relationships
That were ugly
It’s important
For the heart to feel love
Feeling and loving is the only way
That the heart knows
Love is grounded
It accepts the imperfections
Of the person that
We love
Working through
Bad times while
Enjoying the good
Love is honesty
It gives people
The opportunity
To be themselves completely
Love is a journey
That should always
Be allowed to continue
It’s the only way
For the one that
Is for us
To find us
Life should not
Be about only surviving
Heartbreak
From past mistakes
Or merely existing
But thriving in happiness
And enjoying life
Now that’s living

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A Personality Like Mine

I have to say that I am pretty proud of my personality. Some of the words that I would use to describe my personality are calm, balanced, compassionate, creative, loving etc. My personality is more conscientiousness even though I feel that it can’t be narrowed down to one label. As much as I enjoy my personality I am aware of my weaknesses or negative parts of it. However, with me knowing about the negative parts of my personality that can help me to work on what I need to.

Here is a little bit about my background this will help to get a better understanding of my personality. I am the oldest of four girls. All of my life I have had an enormous amount of responsibilities to handle it never bothered me. I am thinking because of my personality my mother felt that I was capable of handling doing every task assigned. Examples of my tasks come home from school do my homework, walk to go pick up my sisters up from school, cook dinner, and wash clothes. I have a very strong personality; yet not overbearing. I do not allow myself to be a pushover. Growing up because of the way that I was raised as well as my personality I did not give in to peer pressure. For a teenager I was very mature. At one point while growing up the teen pregnancy was high. It seemed like everywhere that I turned someone that I knew was pregnant. In my family there were relatives that were having babies early as well. My first child was born when I was in my late twenties. There is definitely a lot of peer pressure for teens sex, drugs, and drinking to name a few right to this very day. Teenagers have it really hard going through puberty and then having to try to fit in.  Some people give into peer pressure especially teenagers they are not very strong-minded. I have a best friend she is like the life of the party everywhere that she goes. The mindset that she has is” you only live once” she does whatever makes her feel good. There is nothing wrong with having a mindset like my friend’s but that is not right for me to each their own.

Social class to me is like high school mentality to me it’s all about being accepted socially by a particular group. Example a poor person cannot get in a country club unless they have a rich person that belongs to the club. The poor person can get connections through their rich friend. It’s all about the secret handshake and I want no parts of that. Peers are the same way no matter the location I don’t care if a high school is in a rich neighborhood, middle class neighborhood, or lower class neighborhood there will be certain groups that only accept a certain kind of people. It sucks royally. The groups of people that are in every high school are the popular kids, the smart kids, the sporty kids, the troublesome kids aka bullies and the odd kids no matter how much time passes it’s always the same. The social class and peers have the least influence on my personality.

I was brought up in a Christian household my life is lived according to the Bible. I live for God and not for the acceptance of man. The Bible says “that we cannot serve two masters” Human beings are fair weathered one day they like you and one day they hate you. When I take a look around at society there is no structure nothing is stable based on the mindset. People do whatever they want without regards about whether it can affect someone else. It’s like they have a sense of entitlement. My Christian values influence my personality tremendously I treat people like the way I would like to be treat. I want to be a bright light in a sometimes very negative dark world. I think about the consequences of my actions prior to me making a move. The personality factors that apply to me the most are family, culture, and genetic determinants. I have explained how family and culture influences my personality. I also believe that genes are a factor as well I get a lot from my mother she and I was always very close. The relationship between my mother and I was so great because our personalities were a lot a like. My mother and I looked very much alike as well.

One personality factor aspect that doesn’t explain my personality fully is environmental determinants. The personality that I have is not affect by the environment around me. I can be in a negative environment and will remain positive as well as upbeat. My belief is if the environment affects people in a negative way then change it. I cannot think of a time when the environment made my personality change especially not in a negative way.

I want to gain a better understanding of my personality because I want to be the best me that I can possibly be. Right now I am taking forensic psychology but I would like to receive a master’s degree in counseling. My calling is to prepare couples for marriage and counseling during marriage. The counseling that I am going to do will be Christian based of course however even with that being said a certain type of personality is required. In my opinion there is a lot about my personality that helps me to be prepared for my career. A counselor has to be tolerant, supportive, empathetic, patient, and intuitive to name a few things

Love Yourself

Just wanted to make it clear that self-love and being a lover of self isn’t the same. Self-love is positive it’s feeling good about yourself basically self acceptance. Lover of self is negative it’s having a self-centered attitude, being vain, and narcissistic.

All human eyes have the structure of the pupil, cornea, and iris etc. However, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We are all attractive to some people and we are all not so attractive to others. Don’t ever take it personal and definitely don’t allow anyone to come for your self-esteem. It is what it is. In my opinion it’s just a way that helps to eliminate the wrong people from out of our lives. Which is one of the biggest reasons why we shouldn’t put the power of boosting our self-esteem into the hands of others it could definitely become abused easily. Besides our worth isn’t based off the validation of others.

It’s important to be our best selves above anything else. For most of us there is only one of us unless we have a twin which is rare. We should take care of ourselves by eating right and exercising. Making sure that we are getting the proper sleep. Learning to not stress behind things that cannot be controlled one way or another things always work out. Words are powerful it’s so important to speak positivity into your life. Be a positive person so that you become someone who is quick to uplift others. Make improvements daily. Travel. Do something that you haven’t done before. If you have been attracting the wrong people or making the wrong choices figure out why by digging deep into yourself. Make it a point to break the monotony of reliving the same situations over and over again. Make decisions that will have the repercussions of reaping a blessed harvest. Never forget that many of our choices affect our future and sometimes our children’s future as well.

Remember people who attempt to tug at your self-esteem and self confidence are not to be entertained. It’s great to be opened to constructive criticism just beware of serial critics. A person who truly cares will bring out the best in you not the worse. Best friends aren’t jealous. True sisterhood doesn’t dox or drain one another’s souls. We will know people by their fruits. Actions speaks louder than words.

I have experienced a lot in my life and the advice that I give comes from a place of growth not from bitterness. I have healed and I want to help others to get healed as well. Being a realtist doesn’t necessarily makes a person negative it’s not what’s said but how and why. Honesty isn’t always going to come in a present that is wrapped in a pretty bow especially when it comes to looking at ourselves. Even though we can sometimes be our worst critics it’s a sign of growth to be able to evaluate ourselves. We know ourselves the best and obviously we have our best interest in mind after all it’s our lives. In order to become our best selves we most realize when we are not. Being honest with ourselves is the best sign of loving ourselves without having to rely on others opinions.

Example of loving yourself is being mindful of who we accept advice from and being opened to receive it. Example there are some people who believe that only happily married people are the only ones who can give great advice about marriage and that is the furthest thing from the truth. A person from a failed marriage can talk about where things went wrong. Happily married people also went through things too but they chose to stick it out for various reasons. Different situations happens to different people all advice can’t be applied. Everyone isn’t right and everyone isn’t wrong. I have learned that great advice can come from anyone don’t reject it based on who it’s coming from when you can tell that they mean well. When people don’t mean well you’ll be able to tell because you can feel their negative vibes. Negative energy is unmistakable and life is too short for that. So make it point to keep your space a negative opinion free zone and get your shine on.

Imagine what could happen once we tap into ourselves and discover our hidden potential to be great it can only happen once we accept and love ourselves.
love-yourself1

Who Cares?

I am digging down deep in the depths of my soul and saying this in the most nonchalant way. “Who cares?” Who cares about who a person dated in their past? If it’s not affecting you in any kind of way why is it any of your business?

I have touched on this subject before however a recent situation pushed me to blog about it once more. A black woman literally felt compelled to explain her current dating choice because of her past dating choices. Obviously, this is pertaining to interracial dating. I am over people who want to bond through pain because they can’t stand to see others happy. Who this woman was in the past and who she is today more than likely aren’t the same. Everything happens for a reason and everything serves some kind of purpose. Bad situations can teach people that they deserve better. We live. We learn. We grow. This black woman used to date both black and white men. She has since decided to date white men only. So what? There could be several reasons why she has chosen to change her dating choices things like past relationships or doing what she always wanted to do. I can totally relate. My mother didn’t welcome my preference for white men and she made me feel like I was doing something wrong. I get that she came up in a different time but it didn’t change my desires. She allowed me to listen to heavy metal but watching the videos was so hard. I loved watching video of handsome white men with gorgeous long hair. The video for Christian Woman by Type O Negative changed my life.

We all are quick to say live your life but if you don’t have the support of your family certain life events can be difficult to pursue. Especially when they are making you feel as if you are doing something wrong or they show that they are straight against it. We all need support. Which is the reason why people keep their deepest desires to themselves until they feel confident enough to act on them.

It’s so important for us to love and know ourselves enough to do what is best for us in our lives. If there is one that I have learned over the years through the bullying etc is that it’s important to love yourself. I have seen people attempting to expose someone else as a way to stop them from pursuing their happiness. The same way this black woman’s past relationships is being exposed. Just because a person is afraid to act on their desires doesn’t give them a green light to influences yours these people’s opinions should be the least to be concerned about. Especially if these people are strangers. Why are these people attempting to stop someone else’s happiness? We should never forget that messengers have motives. Some people will stop at nothing to keep others miserable. What could be so wrong about being attracted to someone from a different race? After all love has no color. We should be able to love who we want unapologetically without feeling the need to explain ourselves.

Virtually Invisible

Figuratively and Metaphorically
I have abdominal pains
Head injuries
Due to me falling
From always attempting to take
The high road
It’s so sad how
I get hurt from
Trying to be
The bigger person
This happens constantly
Because I have been
Avoiding the realization that
Some situations are just
Too low to ignore
You put the beat
Into being a deadbeat
No wonder why
Drumline was once
Your favorite movie
I get called
The B word
Because I call you out
On your crap
Well you are
The N word
Which is Narcisst
You say that you
Miss and love
Your kids
Remember this
Actions speaks louder
Than words
You miss special moments
Because you are so busy
Entertaining your
Selfish fantasies and desires
Trying to be everything
To everyone
Except for those
Who should be
The most important
Which are
Your very own children
Your very own flesh and blood
Currently they are not
Your priority
And they probably
Never will be sadly
You have a
Childish mentality
Always bragging
About being the baby
Of the family
You tell lies in order
To keep your comfortability
Which has broken
Our sons spiritually
I’ll call you It
You are a clown
Not because you bring joy
Or that you are funny
It’s because of the
Deceptive makeup that you wear
And tricks
That you are offering
You are just a big joke
That no one is laughing at
One day will be someday soon
When you will live to regret
The missed holidays and birthdays
That were traded for
Less than a minute
Duration calls
Trump wants to build a wall
He should
Build one around
The men who display
Precursors of being
Deadbeat fathers
And the problem would
Be solved
I am tired
Of irresponsible men
Spreading their seed around
Without having any
Kind of conscience
And have the audacity
To blame the mothers of the children
Calling us jealous and bitter
As if
You are an innocent bystander
That was hit by fatherhood
You fools don’t know that
One plus one
Equals three
Without the use of
A condom
Isn’t being protected
Worth paying three dollars for
Nevermind
Judging by your track record
Of muiltiple baby mothers
Your irresponsible actions
Speaks volumes loudly
Why must the children
Endure your painful lessons
Because of you constantly
Making messes
That will become society’s issues
One way or another
Raising a child
Requires the presence
Of both mother and father
Coparenting
Doing whatever is necessary
You can’t possibly
Possess a mirror
How can you look
At yourself each and every day
Knowing that you are not
Taking care of your responsibilities
Nothing matters
Because you deadbeat
Are content
With being a virtually invisible
Father

The Story of My Life

Growing up my walls were plastered with posters of Skid Row, Kiss, Cinderella etc. My mother bought me t-shirts with Guns N Roses and Pantera on them. I’ve never went a long with what was considered to be the collective of the black community. I listen to all music but metal/ rock music is my favorite besides the lyrics in the rap music of today are disrespectful. I’m not interested in music that constantly degrades women it just isn’t cool. There are some women who listens to this kind of music with the excuse of well they aren’t talking about me. Which is so completely lame. Some of these rappers only concern is to make money not even wanting a gold or platinum record like how it was years ago. Rappers years ago wanted to make positive changes in the community. Things are so different from years ago that it almost breaks my heart.

The thing about the internet and social media people are able to connect and tell their truths. I can totally relate about being told that I’m not black enough because of my choices in music, social views etc. What’s being black enough anyway? Isn’t my skin color enough? I never understood the phrases “acting white” or “not being black enough”. Still I’ve heard this most of my life. It only kept me isolated when I was young. I can definitely relate to this video it’s the story of my life.

Who Can We Trust?

I will be completely honest I have trust issues and you can trust me on this. Depending on who we talk to trust isn’t thought of in the same capacity. Some people don’t trust certain people due to certain “experiences” while giving other people a blank check to do as they please. They will chalk up trusting a lover who’s a repeat cheating offender as “Everybody plays the fool sometimes”. In a nutshell trust isn’t always what it seems to be.

Trust once it’s broken will never be the same again. Is this a statement that we can trust? Whether or not we choose to admit it at some point we have to trust somebody such as the people who prepares our food at restaurants, grocery stores, trusting drivers to obey the rules of the road, authors of books that schools teach our children with etc. We don’t necessarily trust politicians but we still vote and put them into offices. The government cannot always be trusted with the shutdowns and layoffs. Thinking of who can we trust and the possibility of being let down can bring on all types of anxiety.

How about our pastors? Sadly the church has lost a lot of our trust due to some people’s bad behavior and always asking for money. The situation with the church is deep in my opinion the wrong kinds of people lead the church. People should have their eyes on God not on people. People will quit going to church, give up on God, and use their bad experiences with people to justify their actions. Yet these same people will trust certain people over and over again. I will go deeper into this subject at a later time.

We can trust our family, friends, and significant others, right? Hmmm. I suggest that you don’t look at the divorce rates or watch the Maury show.

In my recent years I have seen a lot and other people have as well. As times goes on less and less people are inclined to trust anything or anyone. It seems that most people who are trying to gain our trust have hidden agendas. Some people try to get close just to pump you for information that they will use against you down the line. We are human beings we all have made mistakes and as long as we live it will happen again. I just can’t take people who pick and choose the people who they choose to give extensive trust to seriously. It just shows the lack of importance that is placed on trust. Which is the reason why I have trust issues.

Trusting a person’s experience is also a gamble I have learned this from the interviewing of victims and witnesses class. To trust a person’s experience would mean trusting their memories there are things which can taint the accuracy of their memories like their feelings towards certain people or subjects. Which is the reason why detectives rely heavily on forensics because a person’s memory isn’t always accurate and false memories are always possible. Even relying on the memories right after an incident may not be accurate multiple people can witness it but have different recollections. Yep. Trust at times can be a difficult thing.

There are three top mottos that have helped me a little with my trust issues:

Be a person that can be trusted.
It’s possible that we could be wrong about a situation.
Expect the unexpected

I pray for discernment because the thought of opening myself up to trust people is just downright scary.