I Just Don’t Know How to Feel

I feel like the U2 song called Numb
I have a bland demeanor
I just don’t know how to feel
I wrote a post
The other day
Was it God preparing me
I spoke about
The importance of being healthy
Then boom one of my sisters
That is second to me in my family
Became sickly
My sister and I
Have very different personalities
We are not any different
Than any other siblings
She would push me
To the point where
I would scream
Then things would really get ugly
The next thing you know
We stop speaking
To each other
This last time was unique
Because when I spoke
Back to my sister
She had a surgery
That changed everything
It brought on an
Illness that made her so weak
That it robbed
Her of her speech and mobility
My sister told me
That she had a vision
Of all of her sisters
When we were young
In the backyard playing
Then she gave me an apology
She said I’m sorry
That I have been so mean
I love you with all of my heart
Then she started crying
And asked God
Why are You punishing me?
I think about Christianity
Christians are still
Human beings
Is it right
For us to except
People being mean?
I always try
To be forgiving
I feel so torn
Do I stand up
And demand respect
For all the times
She made me upset
Or do I allow
This situation to teach me
To not waste time
On stupid things
Because time is the most
Valuable thing that you can
Share with someone
That you love deeply
I love my sisters
So much I just
Want us to live to be elderly
I just want us to live carefree
I just want us to be happy
Father God in Heaven
Please allow my prayers
To be
My heart can’t take
Anymore agony

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Eyes Wide Open

I’ve been so meaning to write about this for over a week now. I am not into celebrity news but I have written about Ciara a couple of times. Ciara changed her choice of men and found her prince.

In the past Ciara dated rappers Future and Slim Thug. Recently Slim Thug accused Ciara of marrying the Seahawk’s quarterback Russell Wilson for financial stability. This goes right back to my post from yesterday about how some black men waste good years on things that doesnt matter. Slim Thug further went on to call Russell Wilson “corny”. To guys like Slim Thug being a Christian, a one woman’s man and responsible is corny. This proves what I have being saying all along about the shortage of quality black men.

Slim Thug also said that women who date bad boys can’t date good guys. How much sense does that make? Remember the saying about kissing toads until finding a prince, making wrong turns before making a right one or experience is the best teacher. We are not our past some people refuse to allow people to be happy. Another thing what are bad boys about? So because they don’t want to change the women who date them doesn’t deserve better? Is he saying that bad guys aren’t about anything or that they can’t change? Many questions can come from what Slim Thug is saying and they aren’t good ones. Words are like a boomerang when you throw them at others they come back.

As we get older we realize what’s important and what’s not. Sadly some people never get it and they never mature. I love Ciara response to all of her haters and butt hurt exes:
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Being cool isn’t having children all over the place that are not receiving hands on parenting, sleeping around, or hanging out in the streets wasting time.

There are some people who don’t want to change for the better and get jealous of the people who do. These same people will attempt to instill fear into others or destroy their happiness. They have wasted so much time until they don’t have a enough to make up for what’s lost. Life is too short to be in struggle love or poverty. There is more to life and it isn’t just heartbreak or paying for poor choices. When we learn from our mistakes our growth is our reward and we reap a harvest that is plentiful. The people who don’t want to learn this life lesson are just plain pitiful.
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What’s Really the Problem?

Not too long ago I wrote about a post that a white woman wrote addressing black people. She questioned why some black people had an issue when one or the other dates outside of the race. It was definitely crazy how she pointed that out.

The Justin McClure’s situation has gotten crazy and nerve racking. Like leave that man in peace to love his family. It’s sickening how some of the people from the black community are behaving. I question what’s really the issue. To be honest the only people that he needs to answer to is his family.

I’m not giving up on hope for some black women they will come around eventually. I can’t name all of the things that my mother used to tell me and now I see what she meant. We have to extend the same courtesy to others because none us woke up and just got something. A lot of the reasons why we make the choices that we make is because something influenced it. Most people ask for advice for a reason whether they choose to accept it is another.

Why do some black people take delight in other people’s pain? It’s disgusting because it’s only exposing how people truly are. Waiting to be able to say I knew that they wasn’t perfect. Well who told you to put a human being on a pedestal so high done with the hopes that they will fall. Just so you can talk about it. Blackheartedness that is plain ugly. Vengeful spirited people scare me because they obsess about destroying a person. They don’t stop until their vengeance is fulfilled. And do you know what’s even more scary how hungry that they are about making it happen. Literally starving almost foaming at the mouth like a ravage dog. Instead of putting that kind of energy into leading a productive life. Some people are so freaking spiteful.

My mother used to say that some black people are like crabs in a basket. Crabs in a basket means a syndrome where a group of like situated people hurt those in their community attempting to get ahead. Often this is applied to people in an impoverished community where one person is starting to get ahead. The collective community becomes jealous or filled with a sense of self-loathing, so they find a way to pull that person back down to the community’s level.
When harvesting crab, the crab as a group will pull down any crab that starts to climb out of the barrel in an attempt to be the first out of the barrel that holds them in, hence crabs-in-a-barrel.

My mother dated only black men she wasn’t a swirler but she was a truth teller. She was born in the 50s so she witnessed a lot of stuff pertaining to some black people. Is that the problem? Some black people have a crab in a basket syndrome? If that is not the case then quit going after other people’s happiness as if you are on a witchhunt. Level up in the spirit regardless of your beliefs that way you’ll learn to be in competition with yourself and not obsess about destroying others.

Family Estrangement

We all have heard the saying that you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. Family estrangement is a situation that no family is a stranger to. The source of the reasons why family estrangement occurs could be numerous. Siblings rivalry due to their parents or just plain old jealousy. We see it every single day on social media and television shows. Maury says that when he starts his day at work he thinks to himself another day of dysfunction. So why does everyone act so shocked about Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex family?
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Some people feel that the Maury show is fake but make no mistake situations on the show does happen in real life. The other day I was watching one of his paternity shows featuring a set of twins who hated each other. One twin told the other twin’s child father that the baby wasn’t his. Now get this the twin who was giving the child’s father this information was sleeping with him. A lie detector test was given to the child’s father and lots of things came out including him possibly impregnating the twin who was causing all of this trouble. After everything was said and done it was proven that the child did belong to the father. Once these people got backstage the twin promised the twin who caused all the trouble that she was going to sleep with every man that she got with. How crazy is that? Dysfunction down to the very core.

Family estrangement seeps through on social media with people posting about their family members for everyone to see. It’s rare that the people who read the posts attempts to defuse the situation whether it’s because they find it entertaining or that they have become desensitized to a family destroying one another.

I get so tired of the media giving Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex estranged family so much attention. The dad is just riding on her coat tail if he really loves her then set her free. Lets not get started on her half-sister it’s obvious that she’s jealous. She attempted to stop the royal wedding if that isn’t jealousy then I don’t know what it is. Remember messengers have motives and the motives are never good. I pray that Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex marriage will withstand this and her estranged family will just go away.

Some relationships with people are like bent cans they are just too damaged to save. The more that we attempt to save a relationship with a family member who hurts us it only gives them an opportunity to do it again. It’s like trying to hold hands with Freddy Krueger it can’t happen because it would hurt too much. Sometimes we have to pray for people and love them from an Pacific ocean’s distance.

Happy Birthday to Princess Diana

She was a beautiful lady inside and out! Everyone loved Princess Diana that’s why she was called the people’s princess. She had an amazing fashion sense. She left a lasting impression on everyone that she came in contact with. One of my favorite pictures was of her and Mother Teresa. It was so sad when she passed away no telling what she would have been doing if she was alive today.

Happy Birthday Princess Diana.

Rest In Peace.

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The After Effects of Father’s Day

I truly believe that our mindset single-handedly can be responsible for generational curses but it doesn’t have to be that way. We have to love our children enough to not pass on the pain of our past to them. The pain of our childhood doesn’t have to haunt us for the rest of our lives. Our strength should be our crutch and not our pain. We can overcome and endure the pain of our childhood.

Events like father’s day can bring a painful childhood to the surface. Believe me, I once knew the pain. I grew up in a broken home for a short amount of time. My father was very abusive to my mother and so she left him.

When father’s day would roll around years ago it stirred up the anger that was within me. I was very angry with my father not because he wasn’t in the household. He and my mother could not get along because he was extremely violent. My parent just couldn’t live together and that part I understood. I wasn’t angry because he wasn’t under the same roof. The angry stemmed from him not having contact with my sisters and I at all. It was incredibly selfish of him. He and I never got along because I always reminded him about how abusive that he was. To be honest I felt like he hated me and it felt like we had no connection at all. I mostly felt bad for my middle sister because she never knew him at all. My mother stayed in contact with his aunt so he had no excuse at all for abandoning his fatherly duties.

Once I became a mother myself I realized the importance of having a father in a child’s life. There is no substitution for a father. Whether some people want to accept it or not God has a design for how things should be. God did not intend for a mother to raise children alone. This is part of the reason for generational curses. The importance of fathers is being downplayed. It’s not okay. Daughters look at their single mothers and feel that they can do it too. Sons becomes fathers and be like I’ll let the mother do it, she can handle it. After all my mother did it. Someone has to break the chain so that the pain will end or it will get passed on to the kids.

Until women and men realize the importance of the presence of a father things can’t get better. Some mothers will continue to cut the fathers out of the children’s lives. Some fathers will be okay with being a deadbeat willingly. Yet most men and women are angry with their fathers so let’s stop downplaying their role. A father teaches a daughter how she should be loved. A father teaches a son how to be a man. Fathers are daughters and sons heroes. Everything starts at home how can children function productively in society when they came from a broken place?

It’s not fair for our children to inherit our pain. We should have children with men who understand the importance of setting consistent examples for their children. Being a great father takes more than the reason of their father being absent it’s about having the courage to break the cycle.

I am a single mother and I have been for years but I am not a father. Just a friendly reminder single parents day is in March, mother’s day is in May, and father’s day is in June. It’s unfair to take way father’s day from the fathers who are going above and beyond. There are fathers who have been in their children’s lives from birth up into adulthood. Yes, they do exist. There can be more great father too all we have to do is let go of childhood hurt and change our mindset.

This is so true:
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Father’s Day 2018

Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing fathers around the world! Thank you so much!

Now that I have gotten that part out of the way I would like to talk about why real fathers shouldn’t be robbed of their day. Yes. I am a single parent who is a mother but I am Not a father. Today is not the day to talk about my desires of an intact home or complain about my sons’ father. Yes. There are fathers who are deadbeats but Not all fathers. There are fathers who are wonderful dads.

There are some wonderful fathers who are hands on with their children. I have seen fathers who walk their children to school, take them to practices, and spends quality time with their children. These fathers know their children’s favorite foods, colors, and dreams. They are their children’s heroes and amazing role models.

When we talk about deadbeats on father’s day and being a single mother it takes away from the really excellent fathers. We should Not rob the great fathers of their day besides deadbeats are still that the other 364 days of the year. The deadbeats will continue to set records for not being a good father, they will not disappoint sadly they will continue to let us down by being deadbeats, trust me! Let’s not give them any kind of recognition even if it’s not in a good way especially today.

Blessings to all the excellent fathers around the world! Keep up the beautiful work it is appreciated!