My Lane

As I get older I find myself traveling down memory lane, thinking of what could have been then I am bought back to reality, things are how they are supposed to be. When I was nineteen I attended college for a short time then I began working at a convenience store thinking what I was making was big money guess what? I wasn’t. I should have stayed in college I allowed my contentment with substituting pennies for dollars. I allowed my contentment for a small paycheck to be bigger than a career with the benefits of a 401k. I am now back in college with two children even though it’s never too late for a change. I can’t deny that my decisions has a lot to do with my present life.

Now that I am older I understand that I will follow through with my goals. I will run my race because I want to get to my destination which can’t be done trying to run someone else’s. I have grown. I trust God’s guidance and Not my own. I trust God with my life’s outcome. Every day I tell myself these things:
My life
My lane
My choices
My mistakes
My lessons
My testimonies
My destiny
My God shall direct my path and supply my every need.

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Victim or Victor?

First off I would like to share that I have four more courses left and I will receive my Bachelor’s degree. After I receive my Bachelor’s degree I will pursue a Master’s degree. I have to thank God for all that He has done for me!

Now that I have gotten that part out of the way, currently I am taking a course in Victimology. Victimology is the scientific study of physical, emotional, and financial harm people endure because of illegal activities. One of my discussion questions was about victim blaming. Victim blaming is when the victim is made responsible for a wrongdoing that occurred to them. Victim blaming isn’t always fair people who live in poverty are assumed to be lazy or unmotivated which isn’t always the case some things happen that’s beyond one’s control. This course got me to thinking a lot.

I grew up in a Christian home and I am very proud about this. Along the way in my life, I have made mistakes that had nothing to do with God. God gives us free will and I chose to live Not according to His Will so I paid the price. I made my bed so I have to lay in it until I get to where I am meant to be. I am not a person who constantly blame others and never myself. The victim role isn’t my thing I want to be victorious but it can’t happen if I am constantly blaming people and licking my wounds.

People may look at my life from the outside it may look one way but trust me it will turn out another way. People look at being rich in money and things as being successful that is not true being content is being rich. Rich people have more problems than anyone. Like Biggie said “More money more problems”. I would be happy just being able to take great care of my sons, be healthy, physically, mentally, and emotionally as well as number one has a relationship with God. Understand this it’s not about being rich in things I never will be, I am responsible for where I am and not God. I am rich because I have grown from my mistakes and I know better so I am doing better. God has given us so many examples that we can learn from like making mistakes in life is like losing weight change won’t happen overnight but if you stay consistent it will.

So what do I mean by all of this? Are we going to be a victim or victor? Have I made mistakes in the past? Yes. And I have grown from them. I probably will make mistakes in the future. We have to sometimes make wrong turns before making right ones. I choose to evaluate myself before I blame anyone else. I choose to be victorious!

On This Day

First off, Happy Valentine’s Day to all! I pray and hope that everyone is enjoying their day, their way.

Facebook has something called “On this day” where people are able to look back and reflect on what they posted the prior years. On this Valentine’s day be happy for others and if you are attached be thankful for the loved one that you have.

I have seen some people who say that they are ready for this day to be over, I guess it’s a reminder that they are single. I think that some single people have to learn how to be happy for others. What’s the difference in seeing a person get a job promotion and a person who are in a happily committed relationship? A blessing is a blessing. It’s important that we are careful about how we express ourselves about certain things because it’s a reflection of who we are deep down inside.

Every day reflect on what occurred in your past relationships if you are single because you won’t be single forever. You want to make amends with the pain that may still be affecting you. Why else would you hate this day?

A person should never feel bad about being single. It’s best to be with the right one than the wrong one. It’s best to heal from past hurt than to get involved with someone and hurt them in some way. Hurt people, hurt others. Heal people, heal others. When we are healed we can then go on and have a healthy loving relationship.

So on this Valintine’s day look at it in a positive way because if you can do that it’s a sign that you have healed from whatever it that hurt you.

Half Baked

There once was a lady who I used to associate with who said something that was so profound. She said that “she was tired of a lot of black mothers sending their sons out into the world half baked expecting girlfriends and wives to finish baking them”. I never forgot her words. She said the words out of frustration due to the problems she was having out of her boyfriend at the time. He was always lying and cheating. The man was just an irresponsible person who cared nothing about his actions or the hurt that he inflicted upon others.

The one thing that I have learned from my criminal mind’s class is that everything starts at home. Most times the foundation of a serial killer’s dysfunction is an unhealthy home life. No, I am not justifying killing, I am pointing out how powerful family is. Jeffrey Dahmer’s mother abandoned him, Charles Manson’s mother rejected him and the Son of Sam’s birth mother rejected him as well.

The sad thing about the black community is that dysfunction is the “norm” for some people. People have developed a high tolerance for toxic behavior even finding it entertaining. People can’t complain about what’s going on in the community yet enjoy watching the same situations on television or jam to degrading lyrics to a song on the radio. Sza’s song “The Weekend” is okay to bob your head to until the woman who’s sharing the man is you. Heck!!! Some women are okay with sharing a man. Not understanding that they deserve a man who will love them so much that he is faithful. Many young black women come from broken homes so they wasn’t taught about their worth.

No one wants to stay in a place that is filled with dysfunction and so people want to leave it behind which is fine and dandy. Sadly leaving the mess behind will not solve everything toxic problems have a way of effecting many eventually. A messed up community has a way of affect everyone in some way, shape or form. Like a tsunami, crimes waves doesn’t just affect one area only, it ends up effecting a lot of innocent people. Just something to think about.

All parents have to do their part to ensure that wrong parenting decisions doesn’t become problematic for others. No matter how old our children get they are still ours. They are a reflection of us. So whether we spoiled them as a way to compensate for an absentee father and doing so they developed a feeling of entitlement. Or rewarding children constantly for no reason regardless of bad behavior. Every choice has consequences that can reap good or bad harvests.

Somewhere along the way in the past people have failed their children and have to be honest about it. Some have put things like men or drugs above their children scarring their children with rejection and abandonment issues. Choosing to pick their wants over their children’s needs. It’s wrong to expect children to deal with adult issues and think that they will turn out fine.

Parents are children’s first heroes, don’t ruin it by placing zero value on parenthood. It’s priceless. Being a star to our children is a blessing. So as parents we must do what it takes to make sure our children are productive people and are not damaged. We should love them enough that we make sure that we are never the reason for them having holes in their hearts. Being human is not an excuse to make careless decisions that may harm others later. Remember that one life touches another, it’s important that we raise our children in a way that they are a blessing and not a curse in other people’s lives. Everything starts at home, let’s not send our children out into the world half baked.

Christ Like

The hardest thing in my life ever is my Christian walk. God is love, right? So why is walking with Christ so hard? Well I will tell you first of all it’s Not Christ that is the problem, it’s some of the people. Somewhere along the way some Christians have gotten things mixed up somehow. What does a Christian’s walk look like? What should a Christian look like? What is Christ like? I have been questioning this every since I decided to become more serious about my walk with Christ. First and foremost no two Christians’ walk are alike because no two people lives are the same. Every person on earth life has a story that can reach and touch certain people. Everyone has sinned. Everyone has won battles and are still fighting certain battles. One thing is for sure regardless of a person’s life, what a person may have done or who they are God can still use them. No one knows what God is doing in someone else’s life, remember Job in the Bible? Job “friends” thought the troubles in his life was his fault but it wasn’t.

We have to understand that we can know scripture back to front, we can say all the right things with the wrong heart and it has no value. We have to stay in the place of God’s love. God’s love is what leads a man to change to repentance. (Romans 2:4) I had a thought and I may be wrong but one of the most serious books in the Bible is Revelation. A lot of pastors don’t teach from it much but why is it at the very end and not the first book? Chances are if a person read Revelation first they probably would not want to read the rest of the Bible. Perhaps Revelation comes after all the other Books because every book prepares us and strengthens us for what’s to come.

Social media can be a great thing it gives people the ability to reach others with our opinions and information. However social media also makes it easier for people to beat each other down. Some Christians become fixated on how they think a Christian walk should look like. We need to not be so quick to judge someone else’s walk when we have no idea what God is doing in that person’s life. Most importantly no Christian should be afraid to shine a light in a dark place in order to reach others. No Christian should want to only reach people who look, think like them and have a little group because that’s not Christ like it’s cult like. Know the difference. I am constantly growing in the Lord. Who am I to judge a person with tattoos, a drug user or a promiscuous person? Who am I to try tell Brian “Head” Welch about his walk with Christ? God is using Brian Welch is in a mighty way. I don’t know what God is doing in his life. No one can tell me what God is doing in my life either just because I listen to all kinds of music does not mean that God cannot and isn’t using me. I don’t know what God is doing in my life in the future but I am ready for Him to use me.

Someone once said if you want to make God laugh tell Him the plans that you have for your life. After all God knew us before we was born. (Jeremiah 1:5) God directs our paths (Proverbs 3:). To answer all my questions I don’t know what a Christian walk looks like because I don’t know what God is doing in other people’s lives. If God was that easy to figure out why would we need Him? God ways and thinking is higher than ours. God loves us all and can save us all if we allow Him to. The last thing I ever want to do is be responsible for sending a person to hell because I turn them off from turning to Him based on my actions. If God can change me or anybody else why doubt what God can do in someone else’s life? Isn’t that placing limits on a limitless God we all need to be careful of how we treat other Christians and other people period. We all need to check our hearts constantly and love others always. We may be the only Christ that they see. Let’s help God to win souls and not lose them. God loves everyone. As Brian “Head” Welch said “God told him to look at the crowd of fans that they were all of His Children and He wanted to save them all”. Didn’t Jesus change the woman at the well and the woman who was caught in adultery? Did Jesus judge the Pharisees about stoning the woman who was caught in adultery?

1 Corinthians 8:1
Now concerning things offered to idols: We know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies.

It’s Done

You and I are no longer
The indication
Of this grows stronger
Each day that passes by
There is no need for
Making any kind
Of insinuations
Pertaining to this situation
We are both guilty
Of the demise
Of our marriage
And it’s final destination
Yours was infidelity
Which I gave you
Multiple opportunities
Like the game of baseball
You always struck out
Mines was people pleasing
Doing whatever it took
To make my family happy
Even though it left
Our finances drowning
We both fooled ourselves
About what marriage
Was about
We got it wrong
We was young
We was dumb
This is without a doubt
God may not have
Ordained our marriage
However marriage doesn’t
Have to be ordained
For it to be valid
Marriage is a covenant
Made by God
He expects a
Full commitment
When two people
Enters into it
There will be ups and downs
That’s when a couple must fight
They can’t be weak
And throw in the towel
It’s only taking
The easy way out
Once two people come
Together under the law
Of marriage that
Is suppose to be it
I’m sorry that we wasn’t
Strong enough
I’m sorry that we couldn’t
Tough it out
Or understand
The importance of marriage
I’ll accept your apology
And I pray that someday
You will accept mine
There’s always room
For an apology
As long as it’s sincere
If a heart is open
There’s always room
For forgiveness
A testimony
Will come out of this
I am not sure
How or what it will be
Over time we will see

Live Unapologetic

Time and time again
I find myself talking
About things that
Really should not
Have to be explained
However I find myself
Doing it anyway
Why is it
When it comes to black women
Wanting to live well
It becomes an issue
There should absolutely
Be no excuse
To blatantly try to devalue
Black women because
They want more
Women who don’t
Want the dead-end constant drama
Of a hood love romance
It has no positive ways out
Majority of the time
It’s not a comedy TV show
Life in the hood
Aren’t good times
There’s nothing good about it
Black women needs to know
That’s it’s okay
To rise above the madness
It’s okay to level up
Life should not always be
All Mary J. Blige
Or Erykah Badu
Jammin to R & B tunes
All while we are memorized
About being on
Emotional roller coasters
That make us want to be soldiers
Of a war that we will fight alone
As single mothers to
To deadbeat fathers
It’s a war that we can’t win
We have to stop foolin ourselves
There comes a time to
Be all EnVogue
And free our minds
Get out the matrix
Of hood life
Neo nor Morpheus
Are nowhere in sight
There’s more to life
Than just getting by to survive
It’s okay to thrive
Who wants the hustle and bustle
To heck with the struggle
It’s okay to want to escape
To live life a better way
If it’s done right a way
It’s possible to be unscaved
Who wants to contribute
To a life of poverty
To be apart of the community
With a legacy
Of broken homes
It’s time to change
What is viewed as the norm
Who wants to be a poster child
Of making the most
Of a bad situation
Making ourselves numb
To pain
That kind of life
Doesn’t produce
Anything that’s satisfactory
Think of the possibilities
Of living differently
Without being made to feel guilty
It’s time to be set free
Start on a new path
To seek a different
Kind of intimacy
Embracing the struggle
Is more like slavery
We should never settle
We are special
It’s a good thing
To aim high
To dream big
To live well
To love ourselves
To want to be loved right
There’s nothing wrong
With not wanting to live
A life of agony
Living a life of despair
Is so unfair
No one deserves that
It’s burdensome
We are under no obligation
So make freedom
Be something
That becomes contagious
Live life unapologetic
And don’t look back