The Story of My Life

Growing up my walls were plastered with posters of Skid Row, Kiss, Cinderella etc. My mother bought me t-shirts with Guns N Roses and Pantera on them. I’ve never went a long with what was considered to be the collective of the black community. I listen to all music but metal/ rock music is my favorite besides the lyrics in the rap music of today are disrespectful. I’m not interested in music that constantly degrades women it just isn’t cool. There are some women who listens to this kind of music with the excuse of well they aren’t talking about me. Which is so completely lame. Some of these rappers only concern is to make money not even wanting a gold or platinum record like how it was years ago. Rappers years ago wanted to make positive changes in the community. Things are so different from years ago that it almost breaks my heart.

The thing about the internet and social media people are able to connect and tell their truths. I can totally relate about being told that I’m not black enough because of my choices in music, social views etc. What’s being black enough anyway? Isn’t my skin color enough? I never understood the phrases “acting white” or “not being black enough”. Still I’ve heard this most of my life. It only kept me isolated when I was young. I can definitely relate to this video it’s the story of my life.

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Not a Bobblehead

Society has become so sensitive from when I grew up that Christmas songs are no longer fun anymore. Social media has made it easier for people to beef about stupid things. The stupidity leak is real and I can’t deal. If there is one thing that culture class has taught me is that we all can learn something from someone else. There are some people who think that they know everything and don’t need to learn anything else. In life we must understand that people will not always agree with us or think like us. The only people who we can control are ourselves no one else. We have to learn how to agree to disagree. Heck. Our enemies can have things to offer at times because they may tell us something that a friend or family member may be too afraid to say.

I definitely don’t want to align myself with a bunch of yes men/women. I want to be told when I’m wrong. Shoot! Help me don’t hurt me by holding back information that I need to hear. I’m not a person that’s hard to talk to. If I ask a person for their opinion I’m open for the response. I don’t want to control a person’s opinion. I’ll only hurt myself in the long run.

I’m not an airhead. I’m not a bobblehead. I think the way that I choose. I use to feel not so brave about sharing the way that I thought but now I embrace my thought process. I’m secure about who I am which is why I don’t take it personal if a person doesn’t agree with me. There are Republicans and Democrats who see politics differently. There is the prosecution and the defense which look at the same case in different ways. Not being able to look at situations from a different perspective can make a person closed-minded.

It is Better to Have Loved

Growing up my mind was consumed
Of dreams of having a house
With a white picket fence
Stories of
Cinderella and Snow White
That consisted of highlights of a kiss given
That broke a horrible spell
Or being set free
From the bondage
Of an ungrateful wicked family
Who happiness
Was a beauty’s misery
Still the endings
Were always ones of
Happily ever afters
Then I grew up
And realised
That real love isn’t
A fairy tale
That true love
Sometimes consists of
Having an understanding
That a special moment
Is sometimes all that we are
Blessed to have
It could be the right person
But the wrong time
It could be the right time
But the wrong person
They may not be in a position
To give what is required
Even holding on
For longer than
We should can have long lasting
Consequences
I am not saying that
Having love isn’t important
Because it is
Love alone isn’t always enough
Is all that I am saying
Love is beautiful
Being in love is amazing
Even more so
When it’s mutual
When the love is true
The love is without boundaries
It’s given completely
Unapologetically
Free of the fear
Of being vulnerable
Not concerned about
Who loves who the most
Because true love is
Immeasurable
It’s a true treasure
With the heavy appraisal tag worth
Of being accountable and responsible
In order for things to work
Being prepared
For the possible
Finality of a relationship
That’s the reality of life
It’s loving a person enough
To let them go
Even though it
Was something
That we never dreamt of doing
It’s always wishing
Them well no matter what
The outcome is
If the feeling is the opposite
Then perhaps it wasn’t
Real love to begin with
True love isn’t selfish
It’s being totally committed
It’s being selfless
Real love, true love
Isn’t a fairy tale
Just by our judgment and actions alone
When we are in love
Shows that it’s not easy to
Create or imagine
It’s raw and not simple
Love doesn’t guarantee
That people won’t get hurt
Still as the famous
Quote goes
It is better to have loved
And lost than never to
Have loved at all

What’s Tameeka Listening To?

Loving the soundtrack for the movie “Prime”. I am listening to the song “I wish you love”. I dedicate this song to my first love. The words to this song are everything because they are so on point.

I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love
And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health, and more than wealth,
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So, with my best, my very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all, when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So, with my best, my very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all, when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
But most of all, when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

Dear Jason

One day at a time, one prayer at a time I have moved on many years ago. Just because a person has laid down a torch for a person for whom they were once in love with doesn’t mean that one can’t reflect on certain things. You may never read this letter but it’s all right. Beethoven wrote a letter to his immortal beloved in hopes that she would get it and she did. People still release doves at weddings and balloons on birthdays for sentimental reasons. There is nothing wrong with hoping that something will happen. Not sure as to why but for some reason you were on my mind which isn’t unusual but it was much different this time. This past November 1st I wanted to cry. I am not the same young twenty-something-year-old woman that I was many years ago. Sure I am still strong, smart, kind, caring, loving, faithful, loyal, hardworking, educated, etc. I am speaking of the person beneath all of those things that I just named the broken person who I never faced until now, I have come to accept many things. I’m healed so I’m woman enough to admit it. I believe that an apology is in order. An apology isn’t shared it’s clear, heartfelt and sincere. An apology doesn’t make up excuses otherwise it would be useless. This apology is given with the hopes of understanding occurring. So twenty-something years later I’m woman enough to say it. Please allow me to explain it. How many times had you reached out for my hand? How many times had you stood up for our relationship? How many times had you shown me how much you loved me at the time? All you ever did was try to love me truly. Many people on the outside could see it. It’s hard to receive something that was never taught or witnessed prior to our love. I didn’t know how to receive the blessing that you tried so hard to give me. We never talked about me being broken emotionally. You loved me for me and I know it was hard at the time. We were both so young. I wasn’t ready because I didn’t realize things until recent years now everything is all clear. To be honest, I felt guilty like I didn’t deserve you. I witnessed my mother who was amazing, strong, enduring a lot of abuse and lots of struggling love. She never received what she truly wanted. She was great but she constantly settled for less. She was in relationships that were mediocre. I thought to myself how come she wasn’t blessed with a love that was healthy? So I felt that it was my fate. That if my mother wasn’t blessed with something special then how could I? Sadly,years later after a few failed relationships with men who knew nothing about loving a woman and me not choosing right. I’ve come to know that love is an action word. It’s giving 100 percent on both ends. It’s looking at ourselves and making sure that we are ready for what’s to come. It’s evaluating ourselves so that we don’t have to realize years later about our mistakes. One of my exes cheated is abusive, disrespectful, manipulative, a deadbeat father the list goes on. Dysfunction is an ugly snowball that creates a slippery slope that is neverending, ever. My whole life I fought to not inherit a love life like my mother’s only to have one that is similar to it. I’ve seen the opposite of great and looking back…it’s alright because I’m in an okay place. Immature people laugh at vulnerability or try to manipulate it the first chance when there is an advantage. People get older mature and look at where they messed up, where things went wrong. They admit it after all the more we know the more we grow. I’ve learned that no one is above hurting someone whether it’s unintentionally or intentionally. We have to be quick to make things right and give an apology whenever necessary immediately. It’s important to be aware that being right isn’t more important than losing the one whom you love because you may be wrong after all we are all human. I’m older and I pray that one day you will be able to know how sorry that I am for being hard to love it was all that I knew. I never witnessed anything else but I grew from it. No, I wasn’t perfect and neither were you. But we were perfect for one another at the time. I know that you are in a different state of mind and so am I, however, it doesn’t change what happened which is why I am apologizing now. I pray that the woman in our life, love you, value you, love you hard, love you back, love you in every way that you want. You deserve to be loved more than anything because you deserve nothing less than greatness I pray that you have it. I do not in any way expect automatic forgiveness but I do hope for it. I understand that forgiveness is a two-way street an apology has to be accepted. In the meantime I just wanted to apologize for the things that I did, the things that I once believed, and the things that I said.

My Best,

Tameeka

Autumn

Autumn is my favorite
Of all four of the seasons
Gone are the signs of Summer
The extremely hot and humid weather
With not many breezes
To give some sort of relief
From the uncomfortable
And sometimes unbearable heat
Is it fine if it is
Someone else’s favorite season
Absolutely
But I have trouble believing
That someone would
Choose summer over autumn
What’s not to love?
However to each their own
Thankful that summer is over
And it’s not about having
A beach body
Happy for a season
That requires wearing warm clothing
I be looking forward
To wearing sweaters
As well as
Wondering to myself
Whether or not if it’s
All right to wear my boots yet
Different colored leaves
Falling from soon to be bare trees
Attempting to find out
How many leaves that I can catch
Toasting marshmallows on
Enormous bonfires that contain what
Seems to be eternal flames
Long starry nights
Crisp aired breezes
Everything with pumpkins
Pumpkin pies and don’t
Forget the pumpkin spiced coffee
Mostly importantly football season
So allow autumn
To occupy its place
It’s only for about 89 to 93 days
Just appreciate it’s brief moment
Because in a blink of an eye
It will be gone without
A trace
Then winter will
Begin to whisper
Of it’s arrival
The only hint of autumn that will
Be around are memories
Which can’t be whisked away
Like a rake did to the leaves
That once flew down streets,
Sidewalks, and walkways
If I had my way
Autumn would never go away

That Girl Is Poison

That girl is poison and I don’t mean it in a Bell Biv Devoe kind of way! Some people are just pain out poisonous they spread their venomous negativity everywhere.

Now everyone knows that I believe in judging people as individuals. Men too can be guilty of gossiping, backbiting, and being mean, sadly many women are known for doing these kinds of things.

I’ve said it before and I’ll it again, “Messengers have motives!” Beware of girls like these because they are not women. Grown women don’t find pleasure in hurting others. The closer the person is to the people that they are speaking against shows just how dangerous that they are. It’s best to stay away from these negative beings or they will rip you apart:

They have no positive feelings
I feel sorry for people like you
You feed off of negative vibes
Because you need them to survive
Spending most of your time
Coming up with ways
To make others feel bad
In order to make yourself feel
Good think about it
If bring up a person’s worst
Makes you feel at your best
Then what does that
Say about yourself
You enjoy stealing others’ thunder
By throwing them under a bus
Man negative beings
Are dangerous
You like to rattle people’s cages
Rain on other’s parade
Pull rank on somebody
The thing is you
Don’t know where
To draw the line
So you have no loyalty
To nobody
Soon you won’t
Have anybody
You will feel others pain
Your negative thinking
Has no power over me
It all means nothing
Therefore I am not bothered
By your negativity
So grab up a chair
At your buffet of hate
All you can eat
But your poison
Will not defeat me
With my positive thinking
I cannot be beat
Even in your wildest dreams
So give it your best
Meanwhile I am going
To have Van Gogh’s ear for music
All the ill words that blows
From you don’t you
Understand that karma
Will eventually find you
I suggest that you change
Your wicked behavior and
Stop giving in
Willingly to the devil
Don’t let it take
You reaping what you
Have sown
In order for you
To grow up