Society

Love Yourself

Just wanted to make it clear that self-love and being a lover of self isn’t the same. Self-love is positive; it’s feeling good about yourself self acceptance. Lover of self is negative; it has a self-centered attitude, being vain, and narcissistic.

All human eyes have the structure of the pupil, cornea, and iris, etc. However, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We are all attractive to some people, and we are all not so appealing to others. Don’t ever take it personally and don’t allow anyone to come for your self-esteem. It is what it is. In my opinion, it’s just a way that helps to eliminate the wrong people from out of our lives. Which is one of the biggest reasons why we shouldn’t put the power of boosting our self-esteem into the hands of others it could become abused easily. Besides, our worth isn’t based on the validation of others.

It’s essential to be our best selves above anything else. For most of us, there is only one of us unless we have a twin, which is rare. We should take care of ourselves by eating right and exercising and making sure that we are getting the proper sleep. Learning to not stress behind things that cannot be controlled one way or another thing always work out. Words are powerful; it’s so essential to speak positivity into your life. Be a positive person so that you become quick to uplift others. Make improvements daily. Do some traveling. Do something that you haven’t done before if you have been attracting the wrong people or making the wrong choices figure out why by digging deep into yourself. Make it a point to break the monotony of reliving the same situations over and over again. Make decisions that will have the repercussions of reaping a blessed harvest. Never forget that many of our choices affect our future and sometimes our children’s future as well.

Remember people who attempt to tug at your self-esteem and self-confidence aren’t worth entertaining. It’s great to be opened to constructive criticism beware of serial critics. A person who truly cares will bring out the best in you, not the worse. Best friends aren’t jealous. True sisterhood doesn’t dox or drain one another’s souls. We will know people by their fruits. Actions speak louder than words.

I have experienced a lot in my life, and the advice that I give comes from a place of growth, not from bitterness. I have healed, and I want to help others to get healed as well. Being a realist doesn’t necessarily make a person negative it’s not what’s said but how and why. Honesty isn’t always going to come in a present that is wrapped in a pretty bow, especially when it comes to looking at ourselves. Even though we can sometimes be our worst critics, it’s a sign of growth to be able to evaluate ourselves. We know ourselves the best, and obviously, we have our best interest in mind after all it’s our lives. To become our best selves, we must realize when we are not. Being honest with ourselves is the best sign of loving ourselves without having to rely on others opinions.

Example of loving yourself is being mindful of who we accept advice from and being opened to receive it. Example some people believe that only happily married people are the only ones who can give great information about marriage and that is the furthest thing from the truth. A person from a failed marriage can talk about where things went wrong. Happily married people also went through things too, but they chose to stick it out for various reasons. Different situations happen to different people; all advice doesn’t apply. Everyone isn’t right, and everyone isn’t wrong. I have learned that great help can come from anyone don’t reject it based on who it’s coming from when you can tell that they mean well. When people don’t mean well, you’ll be able to know because you can feel their negative vibes. Negative energy is unmistakable, and life is too short for that. So make it a point to keep your space a negative opinion-free zone and get your shine on.

Imagine what could happen once we tap into ourselves and discover our hidden potential to be great it can only happen once we accept and love ourselves. love-yourself1

The Story of My Life

Growing up my walls were plastered with posters of Skid Row, Kiss, Cinderella etc. My mother bought me t-shirts with Guns N Roses and Pantera on them. I’ve never went a long with what was considered to be the collective of the black community. I listen to all music but metal/ rock music is my favorite besides the lyrics in the rap music of today are disrespectful. I’m not interested in music that constantly degrades women it just isn’t cool. There are some women who listens to this kind of music with the excuse of well they aren’t talking about me. Which is so completely lame. Some of these rappers only concern is to make money not even wanting a gold or platinum record like how it was years ago. Rappers years ago wanted to make positive changes in the community. Things are so different from years ago that it almost breaks my heart.

The thing about the internet and social media people are able to connect and tell their truths. I can totally relate about being told that I’m not black enough because of my choices in music, social views etc. What’s being black enough anyway? Isn’t my skin color enough? I never understood the phrases “acting white” or “not being black enough”. Still I’ve heard this most of my life. It only kept me isolated when I was young. I can definitely relate to this video it’s the story of my life.

Not a Bobblehead

Society had become so sensitive from when I grew up that Christmas songs are no longer fun anymore. Social media has made it easier for people to beef about stupid things. The stupidity leak is real, and I can’t deal. If there is one thing that culture class has taught me is that we all can learn something from someone else. Some people think that they know everything and don’t need to learn anything else. In life, we must understand that people will not always agree with us or think like us. The only people who we can control are ourselves no one else. We have to learn how to agree to disagree. Heck. Our enemies can have things to offer at times because they may tell us something that a friend or family member may be too afraid to say.

I don’t want to align myself with a bunch of yes men/women. I want people who will tell me when I’m wrong. Shoot! Help me don’t hurt me by holding back information that I need to hear. I’m not a person that’s hard to communicate with. If I ask a person for their opinion, I’m open to the response. I don’t want to control a person’s opinion. I’ll only hurt myself in the long run.

I’m not an airhead. I’m not a bobblehead. I think the way that I choose. I use to feel not so brave about sharing the way that I thought, but now I embrace my thought process. I’m secure about who I am, which is why I don’t take it personally if a person doesn’t agree with me. There are Republicans and Democrats who see politics differently. There are the prosecution and the defense which look at the same case in different ways. Not being able to look at situations from a different perspective can make a person closed-minded.

Age Ain’t Nothin But A Number?

You are only as old as you feel, riiiiight. The other day I received a reality check. A young person spoke about old heads. So I was like who is an old head? The next thing I know I’m on google researching the phrase old head and what age is a person considered to be an old head. Darn these urban phrases I just posted about this the other day! Anyway, immediately I checked the meaning of an old head. The urban dictionary describes old head as someone who has been in the scene before you or your group. There was a second definition of old head that stated someone who is still in the scene beyond the “acceptable” or expected age. Now let’s think about what kinds of scenes are not acceptable for an old head to be at like a club perhaps? I’m not really sure.
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Am I that parent who just doesn’t understand now? Hmmmm. The other day I realized the age of the songs that I loved growing up lets just say that time has really flew by. I am definitely not giving up music even if I am what a young person would consider to be an “old head”. I’ll try not to overthink about my age in my head.

LMBO. One day the young people will come to know what an old head is because they will become one. I am no hurry for them to find out though because I’ll be a senior citizen God willing. I remember when a good friend of mine and I were talking about age. The person said” That everyone will always be younger than a group people, that everyone will always be older than a group of people, and that everyone will always be the same age as a group of people. Yeap, that’s about the best way to some it up.

Moment of Silence

Let me start off by saying that I have Not watched an award show since the 90s as far as I am concerned today’s music isn’t good music at all. In my day artist cared about making a great album and not just making a hit song. Man, where did music go wrong? The artist from the 80s and 90s helps the music of today to be halfway worth listening to. The music today samples a lot of the old music of yesterday. With that being said I am Not pleased about the tribute that was given to Chris Cornell a moment of silence!? Like you folks have to be kidding me!! Chris Cornell deserved way more than a moment of silence.

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Yeah, I know it sounds like I’m in my feelings well that’s because I am. I am beyond disappointed. I’m glad that I don’t watch award shows especially the Billboards awards they’re absolute garbage anyway. Chris Cornell passed way on a Wednesday and you are telling me that they couldn’t come up with a better tribute than what he got?! Stick a fork in me because I’m done. Nothing against Cher, Celine Dion or Drake if you like watching your grandma parading around in sheer garments at 71, a walking white rose that has been plucked from dress and synthesized voices. Enlighten me were those the original outfits Cher wore when I was a teenager I have got to know?! Ummmm Cher you cannot turn back time you’re a grandma’s age no disrespect. What was Celine Dion wearing last night?! Drake won an award nothing against synthesized voices however Robert Troutman did it better just ask 2Pac California Love baby!!!

If I was in charge of giving a tribute for Chris Cornell it would have been truly memorable. The moment of silence didn’t last because the people in the audience didn’t have enough respect to stay silent for long. What can I say that’s just the way of the world. Okay I am done ranting. On a lighter note U2, Dave Mustaine, Areosmith, Queensryche, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Metallica gave a tribute to Chris Cornell. Thank goodness for the artist from years ago they are keeping great music alive.

Am I Asking For Too Much?

The purpose of my blog is to discuss things that no one wants to talk about. What I am doing is not very popular but  I am fine with that. In my opinion everyone has some knowledge that’s useful in one way or another. Even a fool is right sometimes just like a broken clock has the right time twice a day. All it takes is for us to empty out the noise that in our minds that at times helps to cloud our perspective of things.

I consider myself to be a pretty open-minded. I will give anyone a chance still there are situations that cannot be ignored, like dead beat fathers. I always speak up for the good fathers because they are some. Let me give a description of what I feel is a good father:

He’s there for his children

He understand that money isn’t more important than his time

He’s love for his children is not limited

Regardless of what is going on with the mother of the children it doesn’t impact his relationship with his children

He understands balance and does it well

The word bashing isn’t a part of his vocabulary because he is responsible

He doesn’t hold pity parties

We all strive to be more and a parent should never cut their children short of anything especially love. None of us wants to be the reason for creating a damaged child because they grow up into messed up adults. I am really tired of dead fathers getting upset because people speak on the things that they aren’t doing. It’s time to stop making excuses for the choices that you made being a parent is a two way street.  Dead beat fathers stop contributing to the dysfunction in the black community if you didn’t have a father then be the dad that you never had.

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It’s Up To Us

I’m not pointing fingers

But we must admit

That the black community is damaged

No one wants to talk about it

No one wants to face

What is happening

No one wants to get serious

About their life choices

The ones that actually has

Major consequences

That unfortunately once done

We can’t change or fix

People want to program their minds

To see their lives

As a happily ever after

A fairy tale

But no one wants to discuss

How certain choices can bring

Us back to reality have us

Sounding like a nursery rhyme

Old woman in the shoe

Had so many children

That she didn’t know what to do

Messing with the wrong men

Will have your life like a soap opera

All my children

And you are Not Erica

Having multiple babies out of wedlock

Losing value on the dating market

As if the arrow is pointing downward

On Down Jones

Ladies don’t waste unnecessary time

Ask the man who you feel

Maybe your potential mate

What are his goals and dreams

If he wants to get married

He will tell you

Don’t let having multiple children

And him not marrying  you

To be a life lesson

It won’t be only you who will suffer

The children will too

Don’t be a fool

Don’t continue to hold on

Respect his decision

Move on life is short

Even though every single black mother’s

Situations are unique

Even though all single black mothers

Are not irresponsible

It doesn’t matter to

The people of the world

It’s time to wake up

Poverty, despair, and hopelessness

Are parts of nightmares

And should not be identified as

Being apart of African American culture

We have got to do better

We have to not feed into the negative

Stereotypes and generalizations

That some of us choose to embrace

It’s a big mistake

It’s up to us what we choose

What we answer to or who we allow

Ourselves to get attached to

Allowing negativity to turn inward

Single black mothers are not used goods

Not all of us are from the hood

Not all of us are ghetto

Those are words of the devil

We know that he is the biggest liar

Of them all

One of the greatest titles

That a woman can possess

Is being called mother

The greatest words that a parent

Can hear is their children

Tell them that they love you

We want our children to have

A better life than what we had

That requires having a stable home

Which consist of a mom and a dad

A happy homes goes beyond a fad

It never goes out of style

We don’t want to be responsible

For our children walking around

With a hole in their hearts

Remember they are suppose

To experience love first

From ma and pops

It’s time to break the curse

It’s time to stop making excuses

Because they are useless

The Black community

Needs to get it together

The broken home situation

Is very urgent

The Letter

My life keeps getting more and more interesting every minute. I’m a massive fan of the movie Immortal Beloved it’s about the life of Beethoven. There are so many parts of the film I love the actor Gary Oldman did a fantastic job. Gary Oldman brought the movie to life he’s a brilliant actor underrated for sure. This movie came out in 1994, perhaps my top favorite thing besides the music was a letter that Beethoven wrote to the woman that he truly loved. Ahhhhh yes I love the words “ever thine ever mine ours”  words from a great man ever. I know what you are thinking what is Tameeka talking about now? I’ll be getting to that in a minute. My ex and I are like opposites it’s the truth. I don’t hate him; I look back at what we had as a life lesson. It is what it is. The posts that I write are to encourage and inspire somebody. I believe that there is someone somewhere who’s going through what I am going through. Anyway back on topic.

It’s incredible when you are trying to move on things from the past fall out of nowhere. I found a letter written by my ex from five years ago. That’s right five years ago. I think the purpose of the letter could be for closure. It wasn’t about the letter being from him it was about what was in it. He wrote me many different letters it’s weird that this one suddenly appears. Out of all the letters written why this one I have moved from one address to another and this letter pops up. The letter had several different questions, so I assume that perhaps these are unanswered questions that he may have. I will answer the questions in this post it’s not like he’ll ever read it anyway it’s all about healing. Healing is a great thing.

When my ex ask questions he always wants it done with a “simple yes or no” well things aren’t always that easy.  The paragraph starts with,”Let me ask you these questions because it seems that I am not getting a straight answer from you just answer these questions with a yes or no let’s keep it simple.” Do you still want to be with me? Do you even miss me? Do you love me? Why don’t you ever say that you love me? Do you regret being with me? When my ex got locked up, it made me very angry. I wanted an intact family, and it got destroyed, so I was mad for a long time. When he went away to prison in 2007, I called about the status, and when the lady told me 240 months, I was devastated. My world came crashing down life that I knew had changed. I’m no different from other mothers I wanted the house with the white picketed fence things were ruined in a blink of an eye. At the time I did miss him, it wasn’t about the financial help our sons were growing up without him. He missed out on a massive chunk of our children’s lives so many memories he will never have. Did I love him ever yes I did? I will always have some love for him. Real women are in touch with their feelings, and they keep it 100. It’s amazing how people can’t see how a person loved them. I showed it and told him that too. I never regretted being with my ex; it took him to make our two sons. Our sons are like a replica of us; it’s quite astonishing. I never regretted him, and I never will.

I believe that closure can only happen when things are faced, or we will continue to think about things and reliving situations that have been long over. Being stuck in the past only robs the present, which is a gift. I can’t change what happened, but I have forgiven my ex as well as let go of lots of anger. My ex needs to let go of his anger too because there’s no sense in it. I pray for my ex’s salvation because he doesn’t believe in Christ. I pray that God powerfully touches his heart. For him to have a blessed a life, he has to let go of the anger and the hate it will only poison all of his relationships, including the ones with our children. Taking the same old bricks into a new relationship will only destroy it and I don’t want our children to ever blame themselves. Father God touch my ex’s heart so it will soften and he let’s You in so that You can give him a new start. Lord You know that I mean every word and it’s coming from the heart. Please handle it Father God everything is in Your Hands. I thank You in advance. Amen.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things passed away; all things are become new.

I’ve Got Personality

It’s official I have started another new course it’s called Theories of Personality. The whole point of me taking Psychology is for me to be able to counsel people before they get married and after. I want to help people stay happily married. God placed it on my heart to help married people and that’s what I am going to do. Being a blessing to others it’s a dream of mine I love supporting people anyway that I can. The world is filled with negativity and darkness I want to be the light in it.

Anyway back on topic this course got me to thinking about my personality and what influences me to be me. Growing up I believe it was rough for most children when we are coming into our own and trying to find out who we are. For me a huge part of my influence is Christ I am definitely proud to say that too. I’ve always loved to write and help others. Really looking forward to finding out more about myself although this course cannot teach me more about myself than God can. Yeah I said it.

Psalm 139:13-14

13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.

14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.