Don’t Come For Me

Today I had a black man tell me that myself and other black women who choose to swirl deserves to be placed into an oven alive so we can burn. I know what you are thinking Tameeka “why do you care about what a troll says?” I’ll tell you why because like I have already been saying there is a problem within the black community. It’s hard for me as well as some of the other single mothers who have black sons. Many of us are fighting to make sure that our sons will be respectable and productive citizens. I have already shared that I have always been attracted to white men however I did have two children with a black man. One day I will tell the whole story in a book because it’s worthy of that. I will say this while I love my sons very deeply I do wish that they was blessed to have another father however they would not be who they are without having the father that they have. The main thing that needs to be said is this don’t come for me unless you know my story and you heard it come from me directly. I am Not ashamed of my battle scars the war has been won that part of my life is done. I am at the point in my life that I don’t mind talking about what I have been through if it can help someone else.

My sons are by the same man who I married as well. The marriage did not work out it is what it is, getting married is one thing staying married is another. What is the most important thing that needs to be understood is that sometimes in order to avoid what Not to do you must understand why you should Not do it. I had my oldest in 2001 and my youngest in 2003 that was before Facebook, Twitter and You-Tube. Today there is a wealth of information available that can help the generations after me. Understand this I have never told any black woman to date a black man only. I always say date the person who loves and treats you the best regardless of his skin color because love has no color. There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to have a family it just has to be done properly. If hurricane Harvey wasn’t an eye opener I am not sure what will there were way too many single black mothers who were totally alone. I am a advocate for breaking the chains of broken homes because they are the destroyer of children’s tomorrows. Every child deserves to be brought up in an intact home. I do Not want any child to walk around with a hole in their heart that was created by their parent. Children can be repaired unlike most adults this is why broken homes must cease be eradicated all together.

Back on topic I remember when I told my mother that I was attracted to white men at first she had a hard time accepting it. My mother told me that she was afraid of me being hurt but as I told her any man can hurt you. The support of interracial dating that is out now wasn’t around in the 80’s and 90’s. Support strengthens people to be brave enough to stand up for what they believe is right think about it civil rights didn’t happen with just Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. acts alone. As black women we must pull together and lift one another up not looked down on other women who messed up. I know that there are some disrespectful black men who are on a vendetta to try to destroy us but they can’t do that as long as we band together. I want to see all black women happy and successful don’t judge me by my past. To know me now is to learn my past so you may learn from it the struggles that I encountered yesterday made me the woman who I am today and I am not ashamed. Hurt people, hurt others and healed people, heal others please know that I am healed woman.

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My School’s Contest

I am super excited!!! My college is holding a contest and I entered into it. We had to make a video explaining our why. Why did we decide to return back to college? I want to make a difference in the community. I am very concerned about broken homes. I am hoping that I win if not it is still okay because I got a chance to use my voice.

Something to Think About

My sistas! My sistas! My beautiful black sisters. The bible says that the truth shall set you free. I am about to speak the truth. Today  I was talking to one of my blood sisters and she was talking about a post that she read on Facebook. The post was by a young lady who is pregnant unmarried and the baby’s father left her. My sister’s response was that she should get over it that most black men dump black women with children every day. What has our community come to? We are becoming desensitized to being subjected to tyranny. Sistas we deserve better and our children deserve better too.

I don’t bash black men but you know what the good ones aren’t saying anything to the bad ones. A lot of black men love to call themselves correcting black women but it’s more like putting us down. Black men put a condom on stop bring babies into the world that you make up excuses for neglecting. Stop sleeping with women who you know that you are Not going to marry. Black men stop degrading black women. Black men stop making up excuses for why you guys abuse black women. Stop complaining about black women not being feminine enough we can’t be soft when we are placed into a hard place. It’s hard to be vulnerable when we have to be in constant defense mode. Many black women are leaders of the household and God did Not intend for it to be that way.

My sistas many of you are educated, strong, brave, beautiful etc. You deserve happiness, faithfulness and loyalty. Happy marriages and relationships doesn’t consist of drama, heartache and struggle. Seek more and expand your horizons. You Are Worth It! Believe that!

The Child Support Hustle

Oh, do it. Oh, do it Do it. Do the hustle, do the hustle. Do the hustle, do the hustle. Do the hustle. Oh, do it. Oh, do it. Do it. Do the child support hustle. I’m sorry but I just couldn’t resist because it’s so funny to me how some men can come up with anything excuse as an attempt to dodge their responsibilities. Anyway I hear lots of guys call child support a woman’s hustle. Like dude you guys cannot be serious. Are you?
I’ve heard some guys say to women for them to “choose better” when they get involved with a guy. As if I guy is going to introduce himself like “Hello my name is loser. I’m going to sell you a bunch of dreams, impregnate you and be a dead beat father.” Oh if only things were that simple there would be less broken homes.
As I always say that I don’t put black men down but I am not making excuses for the ones who are not right either. We have to call a spade out when we see one. There are some men who get a woman pregnant to tie her down. There are some men who pay child support but don’t want to be a father to their children. There are some men who don’t want to pay child support nor be a father to their children either. What boggles me is that must people in the black community have come from broken homes. Why don’t people in the community want to break the chain of broken homes instead of adding more links? We’ve seen what’s it’s like to grow up in a broken home and we know as well as understand the pain.
I get so tired of guys calling child support a hustle. Like a woman didn’t make a child alone and yeah don’t forget dude it’s your responsibility regardless. I don’t receive child support for my two sons by the way and  I won’t touch that subject…for now anyway. Attacking black mothers isn’t going to change the fact that a man has to pay child support. Most times when a woman takes child support out on the father he was given many opportunities to do right but he didn’t.
No woman want to go through going to court to make a father do what is right. Think about it when a father gets behind on child support the child gets like really nothing. So who’s losing here? The child. If you ask me it’s some of these fathers running a hustle because they are skipping out on their responsibilities. Some of these fathers need to bust a move and take care of their children or just use protection. It’s just that simple.

Check Out the Lyrics

As we all know music is powerful. The other day a person that I follow on YouTube made some interesting points about the song No Pain No Gain by Betty Wright. People of my generation grew up listening to that song. In my opinion the song can be looked at from two different ways obviously. The song no pain no gain was a popular song. Anyway the person on YouTube felt that the song had an negative effect on women. Basically the song encourages women to take bull crap from men. I have to admit that she has a point.

I have decided to share lyrics from songs on my blog to check the meaning. Here are the lyrics to No Pain No Gain by Betty Wright. Are the lyrics uplifting or do they keep women in bad relationships? Isn’t love about give and take? When is enough a enough in a relationship? There will be ups and downs in every relationship. Hmmmm.

“No Pain, No Gain”

Ooh…ooh…ooh…

My baby and are back together again
Lovin’ is better than it’s ever been
If it weren’t for the trials we’ve been through
I’d never have the courage to come back to you

We’re all entitled to make a mistake
We got to prepare for some heartbreak
I as earnin’ my man, while I was learnin’ my man
Something you young girls might not understand

No pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain), no
No pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain)

There was an old lady sittin’ under a tree
She called me over and she said to me
“My days left here may not be long
I wouldn’t waste my time tellin’ you nothin’ wrong

But love is a flower that needs the sun and the rain
A little bit of pleasure’s worth a whole lot of pain
If you learn this secret, how to forgive
A longer and better life you’ll live’

No pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain), mmm
No pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain)

Anything worth havin’ at all
Is worth workin’ for and waitin’ for
Some of my closest friends
Have thought they had their thing on a string
Just ’cause that man was bringin’ ’em flowers and candy and all kinds of gifts
Mmm, mmm, honey
Some gifts are just to make him feel better while he’s on his guilt trip
About the night before
You know what I mean
Especially when you know you haven’t been doin’ the things you should do
Think about it
What is the man tryin’ to tell you
Sometimes flowers mean “Maybe we should just be friends’
Do you get my drift
Hang if you can hang
No pain, no gain

In order to get something
You got to give something
In order to be something
You got to go through something

Be a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the streets
You can’t show your teeth to every guy you meet
It’s alright to be a little sweet
But be a mama with the kids and you know what in the sheets

No pain (No pain)
No pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain)

See, you can’t give up ’cause times get hard
It’s just that old evil devil trying to keep us apart
Say devil you ain’t getting nothin’ here
I’m holding on to my man and have no fear

No pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain), oh
No pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain)

See you can’t give up ’cause times get hard
It’s just that old devil tryin’ keep us apart
Say devil, you ain’t got nothin’ here
I’m holdin’ to my man, and have no fear

No pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain)
No-no pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain)

Oh, no pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain)
No-no-no-no pain (No pain, no pain), no-no-no-no-no-no-no pain (No gain)
No-no pain, no-no pain (No pain), no-no pain (No pain), no pain (No gain), no pain

No pain (No pain, no pain, no gain)
In order to get something (No pain), give something (No pain)
To be something (No gain) you got to go through something
(No pain, no pain, no gain)

Oh…no pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain)
No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no (No pain)
No-no-no-no (No pain, no gain)

No…no pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain)
You’re really not to gain anything (No pain, no pain)
Without (No gain) goin’ through some pain

No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no
No pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No-no (No gain)

(No pain, no pain, no gain)
No pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No pain (No gain), no gain, no pain, no gain

Get something (No pain, no pain)
You got to go through something (No gain)
No pain (No pain), no pain (No pain)
No gain (No gain)

Hear me when I say no pain, no gain (No pain), no pain, no gain (No pain)
No pain, no gain (No gain)

Black Queen

The internet has been buzzing about the surprise nuptials of Mr. Tyrese Gibson but not exactly for the reasons most would think. Recently Tyrese shared his wedding pictures on Instagram with the hashtag my black queen. He’s been getting slammed because his wife looks white. To be honest I have mixed feelings about this situation. I for one am happy for Tyrese from what  I researched his new wife is really religious. Tyrese new wife has influenced his views on God it was shown through posts. In my opinion anyone who can influence your outlook about God and causes you to walk closer with Him is a blessing. I don’t care what color that they are because in my eyes love has no color.

The person that I am is one who is curious about what makes people do what they do. Tyrese fan base is made up of mostly black women so  I am thinking that he doesn’t want to lose fans that why he kept the marriage quiet. Another thing that I have noticed about Tyrese is that most of the women that he has dated have been very light skinned. I have written about the colorism that goes on in the black community. Even though we grow up and become an adult there are still some things that have occurred in our childhood that we carry with us. Some of the comments that  I read on Tyrese Instagram prior to him taking his wedding photos were terrible like attacking his skin tone. I wonder did he get attacked behind his skin tone a lot as a child and as an adult. It doesn’t matter about him being a celebrity he’s still a human being with feelings.

I’ll never meet Tyrese but I am glad that he is happy. He looked very happy in his wedding photos and that’s great. I pray that his wife makes him happy for many more years to come. I do feel that there are some deep seeded problems within the black community I have said this many times before. Tyrese calls his wife who looks white a black queen yet Jesse Williams is thought of as not being black enough. It just doesn’t make sense to me nevertheless blessings to Tyrese and his wife.

One last thing I would like to add pertaining to a comment left on Tyrese photo the writer wrote “Men dark as Tyrese are the ones with the biggest self-hatred” if that is the case let’s not add to his case by attacking the man. I pray that God sends me a true Man of God that helps to strengthen my walk with Christ. Tyrese obviously has reached the understanding with his wife’s help that having a strong relationship with God is more important than anything.

Mark 10:8

And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

Black History Month

I am so thankful for black history month. Every year  I share black history facts and always end up finding out new things. There is so much that we wasn’t taught in school.

Does anyone know anything about what happened on March 2, 1955? Nine months before Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white man someone else did her name was Claudette Colvin. I know right in school we were always taught about Rosa Parks. When  I think about all the history that wasn’t taught in school it really gets me to thinking.

Claudette Colvin was a 15 year old high school student who refused to give her bus seat up to a white person. There was quite a few black women who refused to give up their seat but they were fined instead of jailed. On March 2, 1955 a bus driver ordered Colvin to get out of her seat she refused and was arrested by two police officers.

Most people including myself don’t know the role that Colvin played in the bus boycotts. Colvin was one of four women who challenged the law. Colvin case overturned the bus segregation laws in Montgomery and Alabama.

Colvin was asked why was her story not talked about she felt it was because her community shunned her after her arrest and once she became pregnant. Colvin felt that the civil rights leader felt that she was an inappropriate symbol for the test case. Colvin spoke of the colorism within the black race how Rosa Parks had “the look” her skin texture and good hair was the kind that people associated with middle class. Rosa Parks was a married woman and Colvin was a pregnant teen. Colvin felt that Rosa Parks was used because civil rights leaders felt that she would be a better icon.

When I found out about Claudette Colvin story I wasn’t sure who I should be more upset with. Yes there was segregation but what about the way that Colvin was treated by her own people? What about the things she endured because she was a pregnant teen? Who’s responsible for the colorism that took place? Who is responsible for not allowing Colvin story to make it in to the history books?

I so enjoy black history month and  I do not have anything against Martin Luther King Jr or Rosa Parks  I just think we need to be taught about history in it’s entirety. There was a lot of women and teens who were making a stand in the segregation situations not just middle aged men in suits.

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