He’s My Baby Daddy

I wanted to hurry up and post this before father’s day because I don’t want to ruin the day with this news. Unless you have been living under a rock then you may have heard about the baby daddy greeting card Target drama. Yes, I call it drama because the situation is totally unnecessary. I don’t understand some of the people of my race. How come it’s okay for some of us to come up with words or be able to say certain words to one another but the minute a white person says it they are being racist? Yeah, I said it. For instance the “n” word is a very offensive word but some black people call one another that. Now stay with me I’m about to make a huge point.

I recently took a class and the subject came up about what is acceptable language socially. Long story short it was agreed upon that if it’s not acceptable socially then it should not be expressed verbally publicly. Still what is offensive? I have never liked the phrase “baby daddy”. I would cringe when I would hear some females say “oh he’s just my baby daddy”. There is nothing cool about having a baby daddy or for some mothers baby daddies. This phrase was suppose to be the new in words like “fleek” a word that I wish would go far away!!!
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There were classes that were being taught in school about Ebonics. It was taught so that other races of people could understand the blending of words ebony aka black and phonics sounds. The Britannica describes it as “a form of American English used in the home or for day-to-day communication rather than for formal occasions”. The Merriam-Webster refers to “baby daddy” as slang.

The Urban Dictionary defines “baby daddy” as a father of a woman’s child that she is not involved with” The sentence used to explained the meaning of the words went something like this “Who is that? “Girl two”. That’s my dumb baby daddy”. So if this word is in the urban dictionary and it’s being used in heavy rotation, what’s the big deal about the “baby daddy” greeting card?

Target is a retail department store that was trying to “target” or appeal to the people who uses this phrase. I feel that it’s beyond ridiculous that they had to apologize for a greeting card. The greeting card was sighted as being “racially insensitive”. How is a greeting card with “baby daddy” in it being racially insensitive? It was a phrase invented by a person or people of the black race. For goodness sakes. How is a “baby daddy” card racist? I wonder what was the race of the person who made the card? And what kind of father’s day cards would mothers who aren’t involved with their children’s fathers deem to be appropriate? I guarantee that many of them refer to their children’s fathers as their “baby daddy”. Frankly, I just don’t get it. Here’s what was inside of the greeting card:
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I could be wrong but I think that when something sheds light on things that are being celebrated within the black community that should not be. The reality of dysfunction becomes real then all of a sudden it comes off as being “racist” because the dysfunction of what is going on in the black community is being exposed even if it was done unintentionally. Getting all up in a uproar behind a greeting card just shows that the truth hurts.

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My Lane

As I get older I find myself traveling down memory lane, thinking of what could have been then I am bought back to reality, things are how they are supposed to be. When I was nineteen I attended college for a short time then I began working at a convenience store thinking what I was making was big money guess what? I wasn’t. I should have stayed in college I allowed my contentment with substituting pennies for dollars. I allowed my contentment for a small paycheck to be bigger than a career with the benefits of a 401k. I am now back in college with two children even though it’s never too late for a change. I can’t deny that my decisions has a lot to do with my present life.

Now that I am older I understand that I will follow through with my goals. I will run my race because I want to get to my destination which can’t be done trying to run someone else’s. I have grown. I trust God’s guidance and Not my own. I trust God with my life’s outcome. Every day I tell myself these things:
My life
My lane
My choices
My mistakes
My lessons
My testimonies
My destiny
My God shall direct my path and supply my every need.

Victim or Victor?

First off I would like to share that I have four more courses left and I will receive my Bachelor’s degree. After I receive my Bachelor’s degree I will pursue a Master’s degree. I have to thank God for all that He has done for me!

Now that I have gotten that part out of the way, currently I am taking a course in Victimology. Victimology is the scientific study of physical, emotional, and financial harm people endure because of illegal activities. One of my discussion questions was about victim blaming. Victim blaming is when the victim is made responsible for a wrongdoing that occurred to them. Victim blaming isn’t always fair people who live in poverty are assumed to be lazy or unmotivated which isn’t always the case some things happen that’s beyond one’s control. This course got me to thinking a lot.

I grew up in a Christian home and I am very proud about this. Along the way in my life, I have made mistakes that had nothing to do with God. God gives us free will and I chose to live Not according to His Will so I paid the price. I made my bed so I have to lay in it until I get to where I am meant to be. I am not a person who constantly blame others and never myself. The victim role isn’t my thing I want to be victorious but it can’t happen if I am constantly blaming people and licking my wounds.

People may look at my life from the outside it may look one way but trust me it will turn out another way. People look at being rich in money and things as being successful that is not true being content is being rich. Rich people have more problems than anyone. Like Biggie said “More money more problems”. I would be happy just being able to take great care of my sons, be healthy, physically, mentally, and emotionally as well as number one have a relationship with God. Understand this it’s not about being rich in things I never will be, I am responsible for where I am and not God. I am rich because I have grown from my mistakes and I know better so I am doing better. God has given us so many examples that we can learn from like making mistakes in life is like losing weight change won’t happen overnight but if you stay consistent it will.

So what do I mean by all of this? Are we going to be a victim or victor? Have I made mistakes in the past? Yes, and I have grown from them. I probably will make mistakes in the future. We have to sometimes make wrong turns before making right ones. I choose to evaluate myself before I blame anyone else. I choose to be victorious!

Like a Sister

We see it on television or social media every day a person who was considered to be a sister who betrayed another in the worse way. Is there any true sisterhood anymore? Are there any loyal sisters today?

It’s all about the respect and the value that people choose to place on things like friendships, relationships, marriages, and yes sisterhood.

I saw a beautiful post and it’s so how I am. The post said ” I am a woman’s woman and a faithful friend. I won’t run off with your man. I won’t hate you because you’re beautiful. I’ll celebrate your success as my own. I’ll keep your secrets and listen to your rants. I choose my friends carefully and if I choose you, I’ll love you like a sister.

I don’t take pleasure in pulling other sisters down. No matter where I am in life through my highs and lows I am never stingy with a compliment. If a sister has lost weight, a new place, new hair-do I will tell her, that I am proud, that she’s beautiful. Never will I undermine a sister’s accomplishment she deserves her props. One thing I don’t do and that’s jock another sister’s style, I am a confident woman I don’t constantly need the spotlight.

This world is already wicked and filled with heartless hateful people. Being negative is easy to do, seeing the best in people can be hard if we focus on the bad things only. There is peace in positivity.

Being mean and fault finding all the time isn’t healthy it’s good to have awareness of the negative people and situations. However, it’s good to enjoy things as well as people that come along.

I choose to believe that there are still good people and that means sisters of every color. Flowers bloom together, they don’t compete because each has their own unique beauty. I’m keeping faith about true sisterhood. It exists.

Go Ahead

It never ceases to amaze me. The moment I share that I enjoy heavy metal a pop quiz always follows with a continuation of questionnaires. How long have you been listening to metal? I was talking about the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the person was like, what is the leader of the band’s name? Like really dude? If it was hip-hop would I be given the third degree? Geez, I didn’t know that listening to certain music came with stipulations.

When some black people find out they swear that I don’t listen to metal. Whatever dude. Black people were the pioneers of rock music, so get over it. I am a black woman who enjoys listening to heavy metal and I am Not alone. I try not to get triggered but I just hate labels. Labels suck!!! Don’t place them on me!
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I have been listening to heavy metal every since I was really young. Pantera, Korn, Arch Enemy, In this moment, new metal and old I am very knowledgeable. My love for music is genuine.

African Americans and Mental Illness

Between the internet and google there are a lot of social media psychiatrists and psychologists, applying mental disorders to people like sticky notes or bumper stickers. News flash!!! Psychiatrists go to college for years and still understand the importance of the DSM-5, which they must go by. Psychiatrists also use assessment tools, interviews, tests, and observation before diagnosing a person with a disorder. Psychiatrists understand the harm that can come from misdiagnosing and mislabeling people. It’s about matching a client’s syndrome to a disorder. Look internet doctors leave the job of diagnosing people to the professionals, after all they went to college for it.

We really have to be careful how we handle mental illnesses. People feel uncomfortable being honest about their battle with an mental illness. A lot of it has to do with the negative stereotypes associated with mental illnesses. Some people would rather suffer in silence instead of talking about their mental health.

The black community is very bad at not handling mental illness well. Years ago black people would spank children but mental illnesses can’t be beaten out of people. Some also believed in divine intervention, which is great however God also gave us common sense to go see a doctor. I believe that God uses people and guides doctors to help people as well. There are still a lot of people who needs to be educated not to be doctors but so they will know how to treat people. A person can have a disorder and still live a normal every day life without becoming unhinged.

Currently I am pursuing my Bachelor’s degree in Forensic Psychology and I am almost finished! With God’s help I plan on getting a Master’s degree in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling. Yaaaaaaay!!! It’s important to support people when it comes to mental illnesses because it’s their health. It’s about living well, with the right support and treatment it is possible.

Half Baked

There once was a lady who I used to associate with who said something that was so profound. She said that “she was tired of a lot of black mothers sending their sons out into the world half baked expecting girlfriends and wives to finish baking them”. I never forgot her words. She said the words out of frustration due to the problems she was having out of her boyfriend at the time. He was always lying and cheating. The man was just an irresponsible person who cared nothing about his actions or the hurt that he inflicted upon others.

The one thing that I have learned from my criminal mind’s class is that everything starts at home. Most times the foundation of a serial killer’s dysfunction is an unhealthy home life. No, I am not justifying killing, I am pointing out how powerful family is. Jeffrey Dahmer’s mother abandoned him, Charles Manson’s mother rejected him and the Son of Sam’s birth mother rejected him as well.

The sad thing about the black community is that dysfunction is the “norm” for some people. People have developed a high tolerance for toxic behavior even finding it entertaining. People can’t complain about what’s going on in the community yet enjoy watching the same situations on television or jam to degrading lyrics to a song on the radio. Sza’s song “The Weekend” is okay to bob your head to until the woman who’s sharing the man is you. Heck!!! Some women are okay with sharing a man. Not understanding that they deserve a man who will love them so much that he is faithful. Many young black women come from broken homes so they wasn’t taught about their worth.

No one wants to stay in a place that is filled with dysfunction and so people want to leave it behind which is fine and dandy. Sadly leaving the mess behind will not solve everything toxic problems have a way of effecting many eventually. A messed up community has a way of affect everyone in some way, shape or form. Like a tsunami, crimes waves doesn’t just affect one area only, it ends up effecting a lot of innocent people. Just something to think about.

All parents have to do their part to ensure that wrong parenting decisions doesn’t become problematic for others. No matter how old our children get they are still ours. They are a reflection of us. So whether we spoiled them as a way to compensate for an absentee father and doing so they developed a feeling of entitlement. Or rewarding children constantly for no reason regardless of bad behavior. Every choice has consequences that can reap good or bad harvests.

Somewhere along the way in the past people have failed their children and have to be honest about it. Some have put things like men or drugs above their children scarring their children with rejection and abandonment issues. Choosing to pick their wants over their children’s needs. It’s wrong to expect children to deal with adult issues and think that they will turn out fine.

Parents are children’s first heroes, don’t ruin it by placing zero value on parenthood. It’s priceless. Being a star to our children is a blessing. So as parents we must do what it takes to make sure our children are productive people and are not damaged. We should love them enough that we make sure that we are never the reason for them having holes in their hearts. Being human is not an excuse to make careless decisions that may harm others later. Remember that one life touches another, it’s important that we raise our children in a way that they are a blessing and not a curse in other people’s lives. Everything starts at home, let’s not send our children out into the world half baked.