Love With An Open Heart

Past relationships and experiences
Dictate how we interact
In future relationships
Causing us to armour up
To put our guards up
Which still allow
Past disappointments
To continue to take
Centerstage
We then
Come up with reasons
For our actions
Dress them up
By giving them different names
Whether they are referred to
As a protective layer
Or a wall
They are used in order to
Keep us from feeling
Vulnerable
Which in actuality
Keeps us from
Something that could
Potentially be special
Love requires the giving
Of oneself
Compromise and
Vulnerability
How Else will we be
Able to recognize
True love’s credibility
Then we can enjoy stability
Be set free
From past relationships
That were ugly
It’s important
For the heart to feel love
Feeling and loving is the only way
That the heart knows
Love is grounded
It accepts the imperfections
Of the person that
We love
Working through
Bad times while
Enjoying the good
Love is honesty
It gives people
The opportunity
To be themselves completely
Love is a journey
That should always
Be allowed to continue
It’s the only way
For the one that
Is for us
To find us
Life should not
Be about only surviving
Heartbreak
From past mistakes
Or merely existing
But thriving in happiness
And enjoying life
Now that’s living

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Dear Jason

One day at a time, one prayer at a time I have moved on many years ago. Just because a person has laid down a torch for a person for whom they were once in love with doesn’t mean that one can’t reflect on certain things. You may never read this letter but it’s all right. Beethoven wrote a letter to his immortal beloved in hopes that she would get it and she did. People still release doves at weddings and balloons on birthdays for sentimental reasons. There is nothing wrong with hoping that something will happen. Not sure as to why but for some reason you were on my mind which isn’t unusual but it was much different this time. This past November 1st I wanted to cry. I am not the same young twenty-something-year-old woman that I was many years ago. Sure I am still strong, smart, kind, caring, loving, faithful, loyal, hardworking, educated, etc. I am speaking of the person beneath all of those things that I just named the broken person who I never faced until now, I have come to accept many things. I’m healed so I’m woman enough to admit it. I believe that an apology is in order. An apology isn’t shared it’s clear, heartfelt and sincere. An apology doesn’t make up excuses otherwise it would be useless. This apology is given with the hopes of understanding occurring. So twenty-something years later I’m woman enough to say it. Please allow me to explain it. How many times had you reached out for my hand? How many times had you stood up for our relationship? How many times had you shown me how much you loved me at the time? All you ever did was try to love me truly. Many people on the outside could see it. It’s hard to receive something that was never taught or witnessed prior to our love. I didn’t know how to receive the blessing that you tried so hard to give me. We never talked about me being broken emotionally. You loved me for me and I know it was hard at the time. We were both so young. I wasn’t ready because I didn’t realize things until recent years now everything is all clear. To be honest, I felt guilty like I didn’t deserve you. I witnessed my mother who was amazing, strong, enduring a lot of abuse and lots of struggling love. She never received what she truly wanted. She was great but she constantly settled for less. She was in relationships that were mediocre. I thought to myself how come she wasn’t blessed with a love that was healthy? So I felt that it was my fate. That if my mother wasn’t blessed with something special then how could I? Sadly,years later after a few failed relationships with men who knew nothing about loving a woman and me not choosing right. I’ve come to know that love is an action word. It’s giving 100 percent on both ends. It’s looking at ourselves and making sure that we are ready for what’s to come. It’s evaluating ourselves so that we don’t have to realize years later about our mistakes. One of my exes cheated is abusive, disrespectful, manipulative, a deadbeat father the list goes on. Dysfunction is an ugly snowball that creates a slippery slope that is neverending, ever. My whole life I fought to not inherit a love life like my mother’s only to have one that is similar to it. I’ve seen the opposite of great and looking back…it’s alright because I’m in an okay place. Immature people laugh at vulnerability or try to manipulate it the first chance when there is an advantage. People get older mature and look at where they messed up, where things went wrong. They admit it after all the more we know the more we grow. I’ve learned that no one is above hurting someone whether it’s unintentionally or intentionally. We have to be quick to make things right and give an apology whenever necessary immediately. It’s important to be aware that being right isn’t more important than losing the one whom you love because you may be wrong after all we are all human. I’m older and I pray that one day you will be able to know how sorry that I am for being hard to love it was all that I knew. I never witnessed anything else but I grew from it. No, I wasn’t perfect and neither were you. But we were perfect for one another at the time. I know that you are in a different state of mind and so am I, however, it doesn’t change what happened which is why I am apologizing now. I pray that the woman in our life, love you, value you, love you hard, love you back, love you in every way that you want. You deserve to be loved more than anything because you deserve nothing less than greatness I pray that you have it. I do not in any way expect automatic forgiveness but I do hope for it. I understand that forgiveness is a two-way street an apology has to be accepted. In the meantime I just wanted to apologize for the things that I did, the things that I once believed, and the things that I said.

My Best,

Tameeka

A New Start

I absolutely love being a Christian. I was having a conversation today and it was pertaining to a person’s past. First of all we alllllllll have parts of our lives that we would not like to read out loud. But guess what? We don’t have to this it is a new day, week, month, year. God has forgiven us and we have to forgive ourselves. I know it’s not always easy to do. For me there are good days and there are bad days. But everyday that passes I am glad that Christ are in them.

I feel that with all the things that I have been through and overcame there isn’t a person in this world that Christ can not save.

2 Corinthians 5:17King James 

17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

We should never beat ourselves up about anything and we should never allow anyone else to do it either. Once Christ forgives us for our past what others think is irrelevant unless we have done harm to that person. Still to judge a person based on past events isn’t right. We are our biggest critics we can do a good job of making ourselves feel guilty enough. Don’t need people on the outside doing it as well. My modo is if there’s people who continue to bring up the past then they should be left there.

I’ll Give You Trouble

My youngest son love old school games, music, and movies. We have so much in common. Last week he asked me if I could order some board games. The games that my son asked for were Jenga, Connect 4, and Trouble. I ordered the games online quickly.

As soon as the games came in the mail, he, my niece, and I began to play the game Trouble. Anyone who knows the rules of the game of Trouble knows that you can’t get out of home base until you get a six. My son got a six and another six. I got a six too. My niece still had not gotten a six and all four of her pieces were sitting at home. My niece didn’t stop until she got a six. She didn’t get frustrated at all.

This put me in the mindset about God’s timing, little things gets me to do that. We can’t get caught up looking around at other people’s turns. We have to stay focused on what God has for us once it’s time for us to step out on our journey.

Anywho, my niece kept popping that bubble until she came out of home base. Like how the turtle beat the hare she won the game too! Our timing isn’t important only God’s timing is important. God does things on His time and His timing is perfect. So when thoughts of doubt attempt to enter into your mind give them trouble and keep popping that bubble.

Ray of Hope

I don’t have to experience someone else’s love
To be happy for them
There are so many
Ways to be able to relate
Maybe it was heartbreak
That makes me want to see others happy
And for them to not endure my mistakes
It’s never too late to realize what it takes for love’s sake
I don’t need other people’s possessions
I know that God is in the blessing business
I can go through life storms
Because I know that there is a rainbow afterwards
There is a balance that God manages
Which is why through it all
I believe that it’s what God
Has intended
What was meant
All things works
Together for good
I will trust God
Like I always do

Don’t Be Afraid

Over the last couple of days some black people have been in a rage about what Ciara said about leveling up!!! I have seen women getting into arguments on social media. Ciara has been under attack. Quickly some people reminded her of her past relationship. Newsflash!!! Ciara is not her past. This is the reason why people don’t like to share their testimonies, out of fear that people will attempt to drag them back to where they came from. There is truth in her words.

I keep seeing some black people saying “Okay, We get it” but they haven’t done anything to change a lot of situations. It’s hard to do anything when you are not receptive to it and you are bashing the messenger. As the old saying goes, don’t shoot the messenger. If Ciara message offends a person they need to find out why it does. She is not the problem.

Sometimes people just can’t win if you give advice with no experience it’s: “What do you know about my situation?” How can you relate? If people know about your past instead of them being inspired, they pick you apart and attempt to shame you into silence. I don’t follow celebrities a lot, I am just speaking on the backlash that she received. She is a celebrity so she has zero privacy the public knows her past. However, there are some women that aren’t famous, who have experienced what she has too. I look at Ciara’s life as an inspiration. She overcame and endured, most importantly she’s happy!!! Happiness is the ultimate goal in relationships and marriages.

We can’t allow our past to keep us bondage. We are not our past. Everyone has a past. Everyone has parts of their lives that they don’t want to read aloud. Some people will receive what is said and some won’t. There was some people who agreed with Ciara, so what she said was not in vain. Even looking at stories from the Bible Noah tried to warn people they laughed and called him crazy. Jonah did not want to warn the people of Nineveh. Jonah ran probably out of fear of how the people would receive the message. If a message is placed on your heart don’t be afraid, deliver it someone may need to hear it. It could the message that they need in order to give them hope.

My School’s Contest

I am super excited!!! My college is holding a contest and I entered into it. We had to make a video explaining our why. Why did we decide to return back to college? I want to make a difference in the community. I am very concerned about broken homes. I am hoping that I win if not it is still okay because I got a chance to use my voice.