The After Effects of Father’s Day

I truly believe that our mindset single-handedly can be responsible for generational curses but it doesn’t have to be that way. We have to love our children enough to not pass on the pain of our past to them. The pain of our childhood doesn’t have to haunt us for the rest of our lives. Our strength should be our crutch and not our pain. We can overcome and endure the pain of our childhood.

Events like father’s day can bring a painful childhood to the surface. Believe me, I once knew the pain. I grew up in a broken home for a short amount of time. My father was very abusive to my mother and so she left him.

When father’s day would roll around years ago it stirred up the anger that was within me. I was very angry with my father not because he wasn’t in the household. He and my mother could not get along because he was extremely violent. My parent just couldn’t live together and that part I understood. I wasn’t angry because he wasn’t under the same roof. The angry stemmed from him not having contact with my sisters and I at all. It was incredibly selfish of him. He and I never got along because I always reminded him about how abusive that he was. To be honest I felt like he hated me and it felt like we had no connection at all. I mostly felt bad for my middle sister because she never knew him at all. My mother stayed in contact with his aunt so he had no excuse at all for abandoning his fatherly duties.

Once I became a mother myself I realized the importance of having a father in a child’s life. There is no substitution for a father. Whether some people want to accept it or not God has a design for how things should be. God did not intend for a mother to raise children alone. This is part of the reason for generational curses. The importance of fathers is being downplayed. It’s not okay. Daughters look at their single mothers and feel that they can do it too. Sons becomes fathers and be like I’ll let the mother do it, she can handle it. After all my mother did it. Someone has to break the chain so that the pain will end or it will get passed on to the kids.

Until women and men realize the importance of the presence of a father things can’t get better. Some mothers will continue to cut the fathers out of the children’s lives. Some fathers will be okay with being a deadbeat willingly. Yet most men and women are angry with their fathers so let’s stop downplaying their role. A father teaches a daughter how she should be loved. A father teaches a son how to be a man. Fathers are daughters and sons heroes. Everything starts at home how can children function productively in society when they came from a broken place?

It’s not fair for our children to inherit our pain. We should have children with men who understand the importance of setting consistent examples for their children. Being a great father takes more than the reason of their father being absent it’s about having the courage to break the cycle.

I am a single mother and I have been for years but I am not a father. Just a friendly reminder single parents day is in March, mother’s day is in May, and father’s day is in June. It’s unfair to take way father’s day from the fathers who are going above and beyond. There are fathers who have been in their children’s lives from birth up into adulthood. Yes, they do exist. There can be more great father too all we have to do is let go of childhood hurt and change our mindset.

This is so true:
Screenshot_2018-06-17-20-07-52-1

Advertisements

Father’s Day 2018

Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing fathers around the world! Thank you so much!

Now that I have gotten that part out of the way I would like to talk about why real fathers shouldn’t be robbed of their day. Yes. I am a single parent who is a mother but I am Not a father. Today is not the day to talk about my desires of an intact home or complain about my sons’ father. Yes. There are fathers who are deadbeats but Not all fathers. There are fathers who are wonderful dads.

There are some wonderful fathers who are hands on with their children. I have seen fathers who walk their children to school, take them to practices, and spends quality time with their children. These fathers know their children’s favorite foods, colors, and dreams. They are their children’s heroes and amazing role models.

When we talk about deadbeats on father’s day and being a single mother it takes away from the really excellent fathers. We should Not rob the great fathers of their day besides deadbeats are still that the other 364 days of the year. The deadbeats will continue to set records for not being a good father, they will not disappoint sadly they will continue to let us down by being deadbeats, trust me! Let’s not give them any kind of recognition even if it’s not in a good way especially today.

Blessings to all the excellent fathers around the world! Keep up the beautiful work it is appreciated!

He’s My Baby Daddy

I wanted to hurry up and post this before father’s day because I don’t want to ruin the day with this news. Unless you have been living under a rock then you may have heard about the baby daddy greeting card Target drama. Yes, I call it drama because the situation is totally unnecessary. I don’t understand some of the people of my race. How come it’s okay for some of us to come up with words or be able to say certain words to one another but the minute a white person says it they are being racist? Yeah, I said it. For instance the “n” word is a very offensive word but some black people call one another that. Now stay with me I’m about to make a huge point.

I recently took a class and the subject came up about what is acceptable language socially. Long story short it was agreed upon that if it’s not acceptable socially then it should not be expressed verbally publicly. Still what is offensive? I have never liked the phrase “baby daddy”. I would cringe when I would hear some females say “oh he’s just my baby daddy”. There is nothing cool about having a baby daddy or for some mothers baby daddies. This phrase was suppose to be the new in words like “fleek” a word that I wish would go far away!!!
far-far-away

There were classes that were being taught in school about Ebonics. It was taught so that other races of people could understand the blending of words ebony aka black and phonics sounds. The Britannica describes it as “a form of American English used in the home or for day-to-day communication rather than for formal occasions”. The Merriam-Webster refers to “baby daddy” as slang.

The Urban Dictionary defines “baby daddy” as a father of a woman’s child that she is not involved with” The sentence used to explained the meaning of the words went something like this “Who is that? “Girl two”. That’s my dumb baby daddy”. So if this word is in the urban dictionary and it’s being used in heavy rotation, what’s the big deal about the “baby daddy” greeting card?

Target is a retail department store that was trying to “target” or appeal to the people who uses this phrase. I feel that it’s beyond ridiculous that they had to apologize for a greeting card. The greeting card was sighted as being “racially insensitive”. How is a greeting card with “baby daddy” in it being racially insensitive? It was a phrase invented by a person or people of the black race. For goodness sakes. How is a “baby daddy” card racist? I wonder what was the race of the person who made the card? And what kind of father’s day cards would mothers who aren’t involved with their children’s fathers deem to be appropriate? I guarantee that many of them refer to their children’s fathers as their “baby daddy”. Frankly, I just don’t get it. Here’s what was inside of the greeting card:
636645662607702926-American-Greetings-card-inside

I could be wrong but I think that when something sheds light on things that are being celebrated within the black community that should not be. The reality of dysfunction becomes real then all of a sudden it comes off as being “racist” because the dysfunction of what is going on in the black community is being exposed even if it was done unintentionally. Getting all up in a uproar behind a greeting card just shows that the truth hurts.

Happy Father’s Day

It’s not easy being a single parent, it’s something that no-one signs up for. Parenting isn’t about just the easy stuff like picking something from out the refrigerator for the children to eat or taking them to the park. Parenting is about the hard stuff too like staying up all night when a child gets sick or for me helping your autistic son to understand what puberty is. Indeed, parenting can become a frustrating job at times and some mothers want to claim father’s day too.

Believe it or not there are a lot of excellent fathers who are in their children’s lives. Some fathers are still with the mothers of their children and are a positive entity. There are fathers who weathered the storm of the ups and downs in a relationship or marriage. There are also fathers who aren’t with the mothers of their children but his presence is still felt. There are fathers who don’t only see their children on holidays but often. There are fathers who take their children to school who knows their children favorite foods and colors. There are fathers who are making memories with their children not just making children who dream of seeing them. There are fathers who don’t just pay child support and feel that’s enough. There are fathers who put their children first and it stays that way regardless of whatever happens.

There are fathers who want to see their children but can’t. There are fathers who are single parents too. Is it really okay to rob the excellent fathers of their day because some of the mothers are in their feelings? Mothers day is in May. Father’s day is in June. Single parents day is in March we must understand the difference. Happy Father’s day to all of the great fathers around the world you are appreciated truly. Blessings!

Fathers Enjoy Your Day

Billy Graham once said that “A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.” I realize that there are some people who have experiences that has caused them to be bitter on or about Father’s Day. I used to be one of those people still we must turn bitterness over to our father in heaven.

Listen when we allow bitterness to affect us and act out on it we can not blame someone else behind actions that we chose to do. It makes us no better than the person who hurt us. We can endure but we must surrender by turning our mess into a message it can only be done it we put everything into God’s wonderful Hands.

Some of the single mothers have to learn to stop trying to make everything about them. Get rid of the selfishness and ask God to help with selflessness. With that being said Happy Father’s Day to all of the awesome fathers. Enjoy your day! Blessings!

 

 

Rest Father

Father I want to make amends

Not sure if you are in hell or Heaven

If you can hear me

I need for you to listen

Please lend me your ear

I want to make it clear

That you no longer have to fear

Your angry little girl

Has become a grown woman now

In more ways than one

I have forgiven you for

Everything that you have done

I have learned to move on

To not allow grudges

To destroy me

I may not know all of your story

Still I give God the glory

For helping me it has healed me

I see things a lot more clearly

Forgiveness is everything

Now that I am a mother

And I have children of my own

New thoughts have been born

Even though you wasn’t around

I have found

That’s it’s best to turn

My frown upside down

Everything happens for a reason

Regardless God made you my father

You help to make me

Because of you I have my two babies

Blessed to see possibilities

I’ve done what it takes

For my soul’s sake

To realize that human beings

Make mistakes

And it may sound weird

But not having you around

Wasn’t such a bad thing

Every event that took place

In my life has help to mold me

Into the person that I am today

Yes you too are apart of that

I am sorry that I didn’t

Say these things at your hospital bed

I guess I wasn’t ready

I guess it wasn’t time

This is what I want and need

You to know

I will now allow your soul to rest

Father you sleep now

I forgive you

I just had to let my feelings out

Happy Father’s Day

Rest In Peace

 

Mother’s Day 2016

What I am going to say may sound weird still you know that I am going to write it anyway. When I think of Mother’s Day Father’s Day comes to mind I know right. I think of all the single mothers who wants to claim both days. To me that’s just being selfish I know some single parent fathers who are excellent truly. I was raised by a single parent for awhile until my step-dad came along. My mom and father separated when I was five it was an ugly separation. Growing up I remember how tough it was for my mother being a single parent. I wanted no part parent of being a single parent sadly that wasn’t the hand that I was dealt. 

Back on topic I see a lot of mothers who celebrate both mother’s and father’s day. Sometimes it bothers me how selfish and self-centered people are becoming these days somehow making things about them. My mother was never that way and neither am I. I too am a single parent is it rough sure it is still I’m not going to make father’s day my day. There are great fathers in the world and some are single parents for various reasons. The fathers are a single parent isn’t trying to celebrate mother’s day.Father’s Day needs to remain for dads and Mother’s Day for moms everything isn’t equal opportunity let’s grow up. We picked the mothers and fathers of our children therefore we share a role in having a bad parent. Unfortunately we sometimes find out how people are until it’s too late still we must allow this to make us better not bitter. I repeat Mother’s Day is for moms and Father’s Day is for dads it’s not Single Parent’s day. Just in cases you missed Single Parent day it’s on March 21st. Being a parent is about selflessness not selfishness Yeah I said it. Let’s recognize things when it’s time. Quit trying to hog the spotlight. It’s okay to be apart of the audience applauding for those who deserve it.

National-Single-Parent-Day-1024x512