relationships

Waiting to Be Forgiven

Learning the art of forgiveness can sometimes be a hard lesson to take. Everyone talks about the hurt that has happened to them and how they have trouble forgiving the person who has wronged them. Sadly we are living in a world where people are always the victim, and they never accept accountability for anything. Still, does anyone ever think about how would it feel if the shoe were on the other foot? What if it’s you who is waiting to be forgiven? Is it ever too late to say that you are sorry? Whether it was unintentional or intentional, everyone has hurt someone before. Nobody is above offending someone.

Yes. It’s always best to forgive after all forgiveness is for our peace of mind. It’s mentally exhausting stressing about something that we have no control over. Life is not like a DVD; there are no alternate endings things are what they are. So there is no need to regurgitate a situation continuously.

I read a post about forgiveness that was interesting; it almost sounded like a guilt trip. It said something about not blocking blessings by holding grudges aka unforgiveness in one’s heart. When we are the ones waiting for forgiveness, we can’t speed up the process no matter how much it may hurt. Like a cut or bruise, it takes time to heal.

I also thought about a television show that featured a situation that required forgiveness. A boyfriend caught his girlfriend kissing a close friend of theirs. The boyfriend felt destroyed; he loved his girlfriend so much. The girlfriend apologized, and the boyfriend accepted it; however, he asked her for space. For weeks the girlfriend did everything that she could to make situations happen so that she could cross her boyfriend’s path. Finally, the girlfriend built up the courage to talk to her boyfriend. She told him that it had been weeks and that she wanted to speak. The boyfriend called her out on her actions, immediately expressing that he told her that he needed some space and that she only wanted to talk so that she could feel better about herself. He further went on to say that he knew that it was hard for her, but it wasn’t his problem.

When we try to force a person to forgive us on our terms, it can make the person that we offended question if our apology was even authentic. We have to remember that everyone is different and heal at different rates. It’s essential to respect a person’s space if they ask for it.

Forgiveness is a two-way street. If we ever hurt someone, we should make an apology quickly, own it, and make things right. When we own what we have done, it should not be shared. Making a person share the blame for what we have done is never cool. Sometimes we can hurt a person so severely that it may burn a bridge and we have to move on. As we get older, it should be about doing adult things like producing a healthy environment with the people that we care about. It’s childish and selfish to care only about ourselves. It’s vital if we can to not do things that can jeopardize relationships with the people we care about. I would rather spend my time enjoying the relationships that I have with people instead of waiting to be forgiven.

Love Isn’t

If I see another commercial for the new show Love is, I am going to scream. Love is a new show that will be on OWN the commercial is being played in heavy rotation. It looks like it’s about struggle love and well I won’t be watching it.

Guess who doesn’t seem to be enduring struggle love? Okay, I’ll give you a hint. The show Love is will be on her network. Yeap. Oprah. We all know goodness well that she wouldn’t take any kind of mess from no one especially from a man. She has been with Stedman for how many years? I’m pretty sure that she has never had to question Stedman’s love for her or take any kind of mistreatment. I bet he has proposed too. But she’s featuring struggle love on her network. Come on now.

We all know that most people mimic what they see on television. That’s why on commercials that displays crazy stunts there are small words on the bottom of the t.v screen saying please do not attempt because there are people who are silly enough to do it. Just look at the fire challenges and other crazy challenges.

Lets talk about what love isn’t it’s not a struggle because real love shouldn’t be. I for one am not glutton for punishment. Yeah I said it. One have to question their self-esteem if they are willing to put up with mistreatment. Some things are by choice whether we choose to accept this or not.

When I watch Maury and the women be on the show talking about the reasons why they feel that their men are cheating. I be thinking to myself how much more proof do you need? Why do you need a lie detector test? The boyfriend or husband is then brought on stage to tell their lie I mean their side of the story. Maury reads the results that these women already knew. Sometimes these men make out with a decoy knowing it’s a set-up but they don’t care. The women run backstage crying while the men are looking all stupid in the face and some be snickering. Why should it be such a power struggle between what you deserve and why you choose to settle for less? I just don’t get it.

What is going on? Now a days it’s about how much abuse is a person willing to take to prove their love, it’s crazy to me. We teach people how to treat us. A person who truly loves you would never want to see you hurt.
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Bottom line when you force yourself to be with someone who isn’t meant for you, you’re only prolonging what is meant. People have to know their worth and go for what they deserve. If you are feeling more hurt than love then you already know what to do, let it go.

God’s Children

In 1994, I was working at a convenience store, one of my coworkers and I would bring in different cassettes to help the shift pass by. She brought in Shania Twain for me to listen to and I brought in Korn. We listened to Shania Twain’s song called “Any Man of Mine”. I told my coworker how much I enjoyed Shania’s song; it had a different sound. To me it was like the turning point of country music. I put on my Korn cassette and the song called “Blind” began to play. My co-worker was like “Tameeka that music is too hard for me”.

I have been a huge fan of Korn every since the band first came out. My mustang was covered in bumper stickers and Korn was one of them.

As I have shared I was raised in a Christian household but I have not always followed closely with Christ and as a result have made mistakes. When it comes to being a Christian we should be quick to love and slow to judge because everyone have blemishes that are on our life’s record.

I remember when Brian “Head” Welch left Korn to focus on having a relationship with Christ. It was a very life changing experience for him. God will take us away from people and things as a way to get our attention it’s the only way that we will listen. Brian endured a lot but through it all God had his back several events showed him that.

One day God told him to rejoin the band Korn. God told Brian to look out at the audience and that all those people are His children too. The hardest part of Brian’s walk probably was and still is other Christians being judgemental. Of all the people in the world Christians should be the most understanding.

Now don’t get me wrong I understand that God says to judge righteously but being judgemental is different. When we as Christians set up boundaries about who real Christians are or what they are called to do it set up barriers. Boundaries becomes unnecessary making barriers blocking us from giving good service. Good service is allowing God to use us so that we can do God’s work. If we as Christians become selective of who we reach it causes people who wants to have a relationship with Christ to become discouraged. Discouragement is never helpful to anyone. I know that I never want to be responsible for sending a person to hell, that’s a burden that I do not want to bear.

The Bible is filled with people who went through trials and tribulations, this is why we should pray for discernment so that we won’t get in the way of what God is doing. God can use anyone because we are God’s children. There is hope for everyone because God can save anyone.

The Bible tells us to be careful how we treat people that we may be entertaining an angel. God is not one of confusion He would not give anyone permission to mistreat someone based on their views.

John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

For the Record

One of the things that I admire about Jack White is his love for vinyl records but I do not like to repeat myself like a scratched LP. Several times I have shared my feelings pertaining to politics. I do not like to get into politics, especially with people who cannot respect a person’s right to support what one chooses. The only time I get worked up about politics is when I feel that my religious freedoms are at stake.

I grew up in a Christian household. We went to church every Sunday and sometimes Bible study would be held in our home. My mother would vote in every election and she voted democratic across the board. When my sisters and I turned 18 we had to register to vote. For the record my mother worked hard up until she wasn’t able to because she was dying from cancer. Let me share the kind of mother that she was the last Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner she cooked before she died was done while she was in a wheelchair. My mother did not live off the government but she felt that democrats cared about poor people. She instilled her beliefs into my sisters and I. I changed my mind about republicans once I met a politician name Thelma Drake. One of the first posts that I wrote on my blog was about Thelma Drake and how she changed my mind about republicans and democrats.

There can be so much confusion that comes out of politics. I mean shoot someone might judge me because I love Jack White. Jack White has voiced his opinion more than once about Trump. Someone might judge a person who calls themselves a Christian and is conservative, yet supports gay rights. The biggest opinion right now is people who voted for Trump are all racists. Which isn’t the truth. See what I mean? I just don’t like to get into politics too much for so many reasons. It’s simply not always black and white when it comes to politics, yet many people act like it is.

I have witnessed great people have a falling out behind politics. In my opinion when we scratch beneath the surface of politics it all boils down to the ideology lines between democrats and republicans. It’s just my opinion on things. If it’s okay to have an opinion. Another thing Trump is the president, we have to accept and respect it. Just because people doesn’t like the fact that Trump is president will not change it. People once had to accept that Obama was president too.

What makes our country great is our right to choose. It’s crazy that in a country where we have the right to vote for who we want in the office drag out fights occur behind it. It doesn’t make any kind of sense to me. Why do things have to get so ugly? So whether you are a donkey or elephant, so what. Can we all agree to disagree? Vote for and support for whomever is it that makes you happy, just don’t be ugly about it. For every reason why a person feels it’s right to be democratic, someone can come up with reasons why republicans are right.
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The After Effects of Father’s Day

I genuinely believe that our mindset single-handedly can be responsible for generational curses, but it doesn’t have to be that way. We have to love our children enough to not pass on pain of our past to them. The pain of our childhood doesn’t have to haunt us for the rest of our lives. Our strength should be our crutch and not our pain. We can overcome and endure the pain of our childhood.

Events like father’s day can bring a painful childhood to the surface. Believe me; I once knew the pain. I grew up in a broken home for a short amount of time. My father was very abusive to my mother, and so she left him.

When father’s day would roll around years ago, it stirred up the anger that was within me. I was very angry with my father not because he wasn’t in the household. He and my mother could not get along because he was extremely violent. My parent couldn’t live together, and that part I understood. I wasn’t angry because he wasn’t under the same roof. The angry stemmed from him not having contact with my sisters and me at all. It was incredibly selfish of him. He and I never got along because I always reminded him about how abusive he was. To be honest, I felt like he hated me, and it felt like we had no connection at all. I mostly felt bad for my middle sister because she never knew him at all. My mother stayed in contact with his aunt, so he had no excuse at all for abandoning his fatherly duties.

Once I became a mother myself, I realized the importance of having a father in a child’s life. There is no substitution for a father. Whether some people want to accept it or not, God has a design for how things should be. God did not intend for a mother to raise children alone. This is part of the reason for generational curses. The importance of fathers is being downplayed. It’s not okay. Daughters look at their single mothers and feel that they can do it too. Sons become fathers and are like I’ll let the mother do it, she can handle it. After all, my mother did it. Someone has to break the chain so that the pain will end or it will get passed on to the kids.

Until women and men realize the importance of the presence of a father, things can’t get better. Some mothers will continue to cut the fathers out of the children’s lives. Some fathers will be okay with being a deadbeat willingly. Most men and women are angry with their fathers, so let’s stop downplaying their role. A father teaches a daughter how she should be loved. A father teaches a son how to be a man. Fathers are daughters and sons heroes. Everything starts at home, how can children function productively in society when they came from a broken place?

It’s not fair for our children to inherit our pain. We should have children with men who understand the importance of setting consistent examples for their children. Being a great father takes more than the reason for their father being absent; it’s about having the courage to break the cycle.

I am a single mother, and I have been for years, but I am not a father. Just a friendly reminder single parents day is in March, mother’s day is in May, and father’s day is in June. It’s unfair to take way father’s day from the fathers who are going above and beyond. Some fathers have been in their children’s lives from birth up into adulthood. Yes, they do exist. There can be a more great father too all we have to do is let go of childhood hurt and change our mindset.

This is so true:
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The Haunted Mansion

I find the men who have trouble with commitment quite comical. No one and I do mean no one is going to stop me from being happy for people who are getting married or have gotten married especially for Her Royal Highness, The Duchess of Sussex and Duke of Sussex, Earl of Dumbarton and Baron Kilkeel. I was so stoked for Prince Harry and Meghan’s wedding yesterday, ooh and that gospel choir though!!!

These kinds of men will tug (attempt to anyway) at a woman’s self-esteem until they are able to bring them down to their level/standards. Newsflash if a man is one of substance he would not try to bring a woman down. Mind you if they are able to bring a woman down it is not for a commitment it’s only to use and abuse her while bashing the woman after she has given in and done what he wanted. A woman isn’t good enough for commitment but she’s good enough to have sex with.

Women must be careful of these kinds of men real men don’t do these kinds of things. These kinds of men possess soul ties so many souls that are tied to them that they no longer possess a temple but more like a haunted mansion. They have trouble with commitment however unbeknownst to them soul ties are for life and they need to get their lives right. We all need to pray for discernment so that we don’t connect with the wrong people.

As long as we are living we all deserve to smile so there is no time to entertain people whose main objective is to prey on you. We are better than that.

On This Day

First off, Happy Valentine’s Day to all! I pray and hope that everyone is enjoying their day, their way.

Facebook has something called “On this day” where people are able to look back and reflect on what they posted the prior years. On this Valentine’s day be happy for others and if you are attached be thankful for the loved one that you have.

I have seen some people who say that they are ready for this day to be over, I guess it’s a reminder that they are single. I think that some single people have to learn how to be happy for others. What’s the difference in seeing a person get a job promotion and a person who are in a happily committed relationship? A blessing is a blessing. It’s important that we are careful about how we express ourselves about certain things because it’s a reflection of who we are deep down inside.

Every day reflect on what occurred in your past relationships if you are single because you won’t be single forever. You want to make amends with the pain that may still be affecting you. Why else would you hate this day?

A person should never feel bad about being single. It’s best to be with the right one than the wrong one. It’s best to heal from past hurt than to get involved with someone and hurt them in some way. Hurt people, hurt others. Heal people, heal others. When we are healed we can then go on and have a healthy loving relationship.

So on this Valintine’s day look at it in a positive way because if you can do that it’s a sign that you have healed from whatever it is that hurt you.

The Blame Game

I see and hear a lot of black men tell black women to choose better, and it’s comical. What if choosing better means being with a man who may not be the same race as me? Everyone who reads my blog knows that I talk about responsibility and accountability. I have held myself accountable for the things that have occurred in my life. I take a daily evaluation of who I am because I know that I am not above of offending anyone. However, I will not be shamed by men who most times aren’t married, have children all over the place, and down other black women who think differently from them. No, I don’t know every black man, just like how all black men don’t know all black women, but they still judge us anyway. The very people who feel that my advice isn’t good enough track record isn’t so squeaky clean either.

I’m getting so tired of a lot of black men telling black women to choose better when at least 72% of black children are born out of wedlock, that’s 8% away from being above average at failing to build a solid family structure. It’s harder to walk away when people are married, and it shows that a man is planning to stick around. A lot of these black men spread their seed everywhere and are nowhere to be found in their children’s lives. Be a father who is in their children’s lives beyond baby and toddler stages but middle school, puberty stage, awkward stage, high school, college, and beyond. Don’t let this be you; Casper the friendly ghost!!!
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Single parents like myself understand the consequences of our decisions; we see it every day. We don’t need people like you reminding us about our story when you don’t have a clue about the details of our story. Don’t judge just by what you see alone, even silent movies/films have subtitles. I refuse to have men who don’t pay my bills tell me about my life the only person’s opinion that I care about is the Lord Jesus Christ; He’s the one who brought my two children and me through every hardship.

Both black men and black women need to get it right; please stop trying to make it seem like it’s all our fault. Because guess what? It’s not; the numbers don’t lie. I’m so tired, and no, I am not bitter, I am smarter I have learned from my mistakes. Regardless of what some of you men think learning from mistakes means not choosing from the same group of men again. The probability of getting a good quality black man is a numbers thing, not a color thing, not a hurt thing, and not a bitter thing; it’s a reality. Check the statistics. If 72% of black children are born out of wedlock there is only 28% who are doing right so some of you black men who tell us to choose better are part of the problem too. It’s hard to choose better when there isn’t much to choose from. A lot more black men are marrying out, and black couples have a low marriage rate and high divorce rate. Let that sink in really deep before you judge and give mediocre advice. It’s time for an epiphany my brothers, I had mine a long time ago. MY EYES ARE WIDE OPEN!!!

Remember the Time

Oprah Winfrey made some amazing points when she accepted her Golden Globe Award. One of the things that she said was everyone has a story and for us to share it. With that being said I going to share MY STORY because it’s mine ALONE!!! No one knows MY LIFE STORY better than me except God almighty. Anyone who attempts to lessen my story has a motive and it’s an evil one. I am me and I am Not caring about who accepts me or not. I know what my hobbies are. I know what kinds of music that I love and how long that I have been listening to it. And most importantly I know who I am attracted and how long it’s been.

I have been listening to heavy metal when it was unheard of. My mother brought me shirts with heavy metal bands on them. In the 80s people used to write on their jeans mine had the name of metal bands on them. I had my walled plastered with all kinds of musicians including heavy metal bands.

It’s comical how some people think they know your history but really they don’t. Interracial dating is becoming more common between white men and black women. I have always been attracted to white men my first serious boyfriend was white. My first boyfriend brought me a car and we put stickers of heavy metal bands all over it. One time while my boyfriend at the time was out to sea my sister asked for a ride and a cop pulled me over for gp. Here I am a black woman with braids driving a car with heavy metal stickers on it in the early 90s. My sister can back me up on this story as well as a few others.

Interracial dating between white men and black women is really nothing new; it’s just becoming more common now. Some people act like it’s a big discovery like Columbus claiming America when Leif Erikson had already been there and done that. Facts!!!!! There are more books, movies, television shows, and groups that promotes interracial dating but they wasn’t around when I was dating outside of my race.

Now there are people who be like why are people being so vocal about interracial dating between white men and black women? Well because it’s still not really accepted and in order for couples to make it support is needed. It’s not easy to date interracial; it’s hard now and it was even harder when I first started dating outside of my race. I remember one time when my white boyfriend at the time and I was holding hands walking through the mall together when a large group of black males attempted to walk between us to get us to stop holding hands. I told him to ignore them because they would have tired to just him and me. I wouldn’t stood there and allow anyone to hurt him.

I am so excited that more and more people are following their hearts and being who they are. I rather for people to think I am strange than to Not be free because I am afraid of what people think of me. I am going to listen to the music that I enjoy and love who I want to love whether they have my skin color or not.