There once was a lady who I used to associate with who said something so profound. She said that “she was tired of a lot of black mothers sending their sons out into the world half baked expecting girlfriends and wives to finish baking them.” I never forgot her words. She said the words out of frustration due to the problems she was having out of her boyfriend at the time. He was always lying and cheating. The man was just an irresponsible person who cared nothing about his actions or the hurt that he inflicted upon others.

The one thing that I have learned from my criminal mind’s class is that everything starts at home. Most times, the foundation of a serial killer’s dysfunction is unhealthy home life. No, I am not justifying killing, I am pointing out how powerful family is. Jeffrey Dahmer’s mother abandoned him, Charles Manson’s mother rejected him, and the Son of Sam’s birth mother rejected him as well.

The sad thing about the black community is that dysfunction is the “norm” for some people. People have developed a high tolerance for toxic behavior, even finding it entertaining. People can’t complain about what’s going on in the community yet enjoy watching the same situations on television or jam to degrading lyrics to a song on the radio. Sza’s song “The Weekend” is okay to bob your head to until the woman who’s sharing the man is you. Heck!!! Some women are okay with sharing a man and not understanding that they deserve a man who will love them so much that he is faithful. Many young black women come from broken homes, so they weren’t taught about their worth.

No one wants to stay in a place that is filled with dysfunction, and so people want to leave it behind, which is fine and dandy. Sadly leaving the mess behind will not solve everything toxic problems have a way of effecting many eventually. A messed up community has a way of effect everyone in some way, shape, or form. Like a tsunami, crimes waves doesn’t just affect one area only; it ends up affecting a lot of innocent people — just something to think about.

All parents have to do their part to ensure that their wrong parenting decisions don’t become problematic for others. No matter how old our children get, they are still ours. They are a reflection of us. So whether we spoiled them as a way to compensate for an absentee father and doing so, they developed a feeling of entitlement. Or they are rewarding children constantly for no reason regardless of bad behavior. Every choice has consequences that can reap good or bad harvests.

Somewhere along the way in the past, people have failed their children and have to be honest about it. Some have put things like men or drugs above their children, scarring their children with rejection and abandonment issues and choosing to pick their wants over their children’s needs. It’s wrong to expect children to deal with adult issues and think that they will turn out fine.

Parents are children’s first heroes, don’t ruin it by placing zero value on parenthood. It’s priceless. Being a star to our children is a blessing. So as parents, we must do what it takes to make sure our children are productive people and are not damaged. We should love them enough that we make sure that we are never the reason for them having holes in their hearts. Being human is not an excuse to make hasty decisions that may harm others later. Remember that one life touches another, it’s essential that we raise our children in a way that they are a blessing and not a curse in other people’s lives. Everything starts at home, let’s not send our children out into the world half baked.