relationships

Are There Anymore Good Black Men?

My preference are white men however just because I am attracted to white men doesn’t mean that I hate black men. Love has no color and souls connect to one another. I’m a black and I want everyone of all races to be happy in love as well as my black sisters. Most black sisters that I know are down for black love only. They are completely devoted to our black brothers. There are many black people who believe in black love and that’s all good. Relationships requires two good committed people to making it work. By no way am I bashing black men still there are many statistics and numbers don’t lie. Some black men have many children, are unmarried and aren’t in their children’s lives. When I turn on the television the media doesn’t make things any easier either black men are shown in a negative light as well how they treat women, very disrespectful and huge cheaters. Some have a deep hatred for black women which probably stem from many things. With all this is there hope for black love?

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What can be done to break the chain of what seems to be a curse on black love? Someone has to be brave enough to save black love. Many things start at home that’s where life changing decisions are born. I know for me it was. The way my father treated my mother, my sister and I had a lot to do with my mindset. Somebody has to do something or black love may soon to become extinct.

Back Up Plan

The back up plan aka the rebound relationship. No one wants to be a victim of a rebound relationship. Love and basketball don’t go together I don’t care about the movie. The only rebound I want to know about is in the basketball game not in love. It makes a person look like a clown and clowns are for kids like Trix cereal. So let’s be an adult about adult situations after a break up feel the pain and reflect on what has happened. If the relationship hurt you let it burn like Usher. Relationships ends for various reasons two people were in it and both people big or small had a hand in the demise of it ending. It’s not cool to bring someone else into your life as a way to ease the pain. It’s okay to be single it doesn’t hurt it gives one a chance to work on oneself. Love is something that can’t be rushed so take it easy.

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It’s so important to analyze the person that you are dealing with especially when the relationship is new. Make sure that they are over their ex there will be warning signs so don’t ignore them. They may talk about their ex all the time even in a negative light however they still are talking about them thus they are not I repeat not over them. Also be careful that you aren’t being used to make their ex jealous that’s also a sign that they still care for their ex. Yes it’s pretty pathetic for them to try to make a person jealous who didn’t care about them in the first place however people still do it. Growing up we’re taught to be a good sport that second place is okay. That being number one doesn’t matter please keep in mind that this doesn’t apply in relationships and marriages. No one deserves to be treated as something to do until the person who didn’t want them in the first place feels like being bothered. If the person valued them in the first place they wouldn’t have let them go. So don’t open yourself up to being hurt.

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Keep this in mind always we deserve the best in our lives. Life is too short to be deprived or playing games with people.

Don’t be the appetizer

Be the main course

Don’t be the minor

Be the major

Don’t be the back up plan

Be the only plan

Because you are first choice

Don’t be someone’s right now love

Be someone’s lifetime love

Our hearts are valuable and fragile

Never allow loneliness or any type of circumstances to drive you into the arms where you don’t belong. The last thing you want is to be with the wrong one and miss out on the right one all because you didn’t want to be alone. Don’t be a rebound it makes you look like a clown and no one likes to be the butt of someone’s joke.

 

Conscious

Many times we speak of

Forgiving or people not being bitter

Letting go and moving on

Well that’s all good

And that’s great too still we

Must always own our mistakes

Yes things happen

And not always on purpose

Still it’s very important

To be conscious

And have common decency

To make choices that won’t

Have to result into things

That requires looking

For forgiveness

We all have to be conscientious

By not hurting a person in the first place

Treating our moves like chess

Thinking of the outcome

Two or three moves prior

Let’s be honest

The things that hurts anyone

The most were things

Where the person who hurt them

Knew better but chose to

Do otherwise

But down the line

Most times become the advocate

Of forgiveness

When all it takes

Is having the mindset

Or crossing a street

Looking both ways

Before making a move

Treating people as we

Would like to be treated

Or another rule

If you don’t want it done to you

Then don’t do it to someone else

Let a warning signal go off in your head

Like the ringing of the Liberty Bell

And not expecting people

To get over what was done

Because we were in the wrong

So let’s not be so quick

To speak of forgiveness or grudges

Let’s first be careful and diligent

So we don’t have to seek mercy

From someone who’s hurting

All we have to do is care

About what we do in the first place

 

 

 

 

 

Let the Biological Clock Tick

1992 may not mean much for some people, it was the year when a seed got planted into my subconscious. My Cousin Vinny had a part in the movie that stuck out to me. It was the porch scene when Mona Lisa Vito she was talking to Vinny she goes “My biological clock is [taps her foot] ticking like this.” that one little line would get me into trouble nine years later. In my twenties I was in a rush to do everything and placed a time on when important events were to happen. I have since learned that anything that requires a long term commitment allow the biological clock to tick. The last thing that should be done is forcing something that should not be. In my opinion the saying “You make your bed hard now you have to lay it” should not be forever for anyone.

We should not act like an ambitious entrepreneur or a pushy car salesman when it comes to pursuing relationships or having children. These situations effects more than just one person. I know  that people always say that we must be careful who we have children with because we are stuck with the person for 18 years. I disagree having a child with a person is a lifetime commitment just because a child becomes 18 doesn’t mean that they will no longer need you. When the children graduate from college, get married or have their very own kids guess who else will be there besides you? I’m not being negative just realistic. As a matter of fact we should base these kinds of decisions on how our partner would treat us in case things don’t work out. A person who truly loves a person would not want to see the person hurt even if they are angry with them.

Real love is true love that at times have it’s ups and downs which should not be confused with red flags. Ups and downs in a relationship is when the love has been tested and proven that it’s meant. Therefore a relationship  that is meant one puts in the work to keep it. Red flags are signs that have been popping up from the very beginning but they were ignored. Most times when a relationship is not meant family and trusted  friends can see that it’s not. People on the outside tend to be able to see things better  than those that are on the inside. It’s important to be wise about these things. Also sometimes loneliness and low self esteem can a play role how things get viewed. It’s all about realizing that we are worthy of the best. Single people should look at happy couples as an inspiration of what destiny has to bring but it won’t happen by rushing it. I truly believe that every person that comes into our lives are for a reason. Still some are for a season and some are permanent it’s all about knowing that difference. That is why I have learned to ignore the biological clock it can tick away I trust God and I know that everything will be okay.

 

Hope For Love

Yes, we are loved 24/7 by Christ He shows His love by blessing our lives with our hearts’ desires. When it comes to love we have to be open to the possibilities. I understand that we all have our preferences which are fine as long as they hold hands with reality. My ideal dream man is white, smart, great smile, and at least 6’0 feet tall indeed that’s the one for me. I’m not ashamed to admit it love has not brought me much luck. It has not been that kind, it’s okay though I’m fine with that. It’s not God’s fault at all it’s on me totally it’s all about the way that I sought it out. My hunt was went about wrong we all know that when something begins wrong it will end up being wrong. Not one who cares for the saying ” It’s not how you start it’s how you finish” that may apply to some things but I don’t believe that it goes for love. Anyway when love is looked for it is not found true love happens unexpectedly.  Besides according to the Bible when a man finds a wife he has found a good thing. Meaning what’s meant to be needs no help it’s not the woman’s job to seek her man.Well I’m going to be a little cocky I believe God will give us what we want as long as it’s within His will.

In my life I have been in five serious relationships. I have never just dated or courted someone just got into a relationship instantly instead of taking it slowly. Hmmmm perhaps that is where I went wrong. It’s important to take the time to get to know a person. There could be red flags present but if one does take their  time they will go unnoticed. Now all of the relationships weren’t bad there were good times. In my opinion they are looked at as unsuccessful because I am not with anyone of them. Let’s face it longevity of a relationship is the ultimate display of success. I was twenty-one years old when I got into my first relationship. My first love was truly amazing he was white, smart, tall we enjoyed many of the same things. It seemed like I had hit the jackpot right out of the gate, Yaaaaaaay go me!!!!!! He was everything that I had ever wanted. Let me cover this before I take my story any further I do believe that love has no color. Chemistry is important as well has having things in common too. I am a black female and I have always have had an attraction to white men. Also the things that I have always been into made it so, I love all music it’s the love of my life. However rock and roll is my favorite music along with metal and alternative normally the black men that I come across that enjoy what I enjoy are usually into white women which is a story for another blog which I will be writing about in the near future. Back to the story at hand my first love and I were young so we were both inexperienced. My background of having an abusive father did not make things any easier either.

I admit my part in the failing of the relationship. To be honest I actually felt unworthy of love like not worthy of God’s blessing that was sent to me. It must be understood that a person who comes from an abusive background can sometimes make it hard for one to love them. People like us punish ourselves because it’s all that we know. Past abusive relationships plays a role in present and future relationships when not dealt with. Not bashing my past too much it helped to develop me into the woman that I am today therefore I am proud of my battle wounds they aren’t scars. I’m healed completely of my past very thankful for that. In fact the way that I view my other four relationships aren’t in a negative way they taught the goodness of the first one. Also one of the relationships gave me my  two handsome sons who are loved very dearly by me. The four relationships that I had give me an understanding of there purposes therefore they need no mentioning or elaborating on.

Right now I know and I am very confident that I am ready for love. I know that God will send  me the right husband. Life has taught me what I need to know that I am worthy of the beauty of love. Regardless of my choices, my mistakes, my hurt, my pain, my past, my fear I will not give up on love. No one should give up on love it adds meaning to everyone’s lives and we all deserve to smile. For my dedication to love I wrote a poem it’s titled “Won’t Give Up On Love” it goes:

Although I have been dealt with what some may consider to be an unlucky hand

I haven’t given up on one the things that I desire having the most and that’s love

I long to feel totally complete with the love who embraces who I am

Unique yet difficult at the same time

One who I would give my all for even if it makes me feel uncomfortable

I am willing to step outside of my comfort zone as long as the feelings are mutual

I desire a king because I am a queen

A queen longs to take care of her king in ways that all the money can’t buy

I want to be the one that he can talk to about whatever it is that’s on his mind

His desires, his fears always backing him in his dreams big or little

Never allowing doubt to shadow his God given potential no matter what

I will always remain loyal and true blue

Most men and women have been hurt

They have been wounded and scarred from pain

Even when they move on the hurt remains

Vowing never to allow themselves to trust or love again

But they can’t give up, we can’t give up on love

On being united with their kings or queens

Joined together can you say love royalty

Love should never be taken lightly or for granted

Love sometimes is treated like a bad habit

Some people give love a bad name which is something that it doesn’t deserve

All because some of the people chose to give their hearts

To a complete stranger as it

It would be placed in danger some people have a nerve

Still there’s hope it doesn’t matter that life threw them a curve ball

Just have to wait and be patient their love problems will be solved

Love can make the coldest heart warm

When God made man in His image

He thought that man should not be alone so God made a woman

He intended for a woman to be a help mate

She is to relieve some of his weight and to kiss her king’s wounds

And forgive his mistakes

Willing to do whatever it takes to seal their love’s fate

Never making him feel like less than a champion

The greatest love comes from above

With God as the navigator He will guide us towards things

That are greater that includes the mate that is meant for us

All we have to do is trust so with that being said

I won’t give up on love