The Letter

My life keeps getting more and more interesting every minute. I’m a massive fan of the movie Immortal Beloved it’s about the life of Beethoven. There are so many parts of the film I love the actor Gary Oldman did a fantastic job. Gary Oldman brought the movie to life he’s a brilliant actor underrated for sure. This movie came out in 1994, perhaps my top favorite thing besides the music was a letter that Beethoven wrote to the woman that he truly loved. Ahhhhh yes I love the words “ever thine ever mine ours” ¬†words from a great man ever. I know what you are thinking what is Tameeka talking about now? I’ll be getting to that in a minute. My ex and I are like opposites it’s the truth. I don’t hate him; I look back at what we had as a life lesson. It is what it is. The posts that I write are to encourage and inspire somebody. I believe that there is someone somewhere who’s going through what I am going through. Anyway back on topic.

It’s incredible when you are trying to move on things from the past fall out of nowhere. I found a letter written by my ex from five years ago. That’s right five years ago. I think the purpose of the letter could be for closure. It wasn’t about the letter being from him it was about what was in it. He wrote me many different letters it’s weird that this one suddenly appears. Out of all the letters written why this one I have moved from one address to another and this letter pops up. The letter had several different questions, so I assume that perhaps these are unanswered questions that he may have. I will answer the questions in this post it’s not like he’ll ever read it anyway it’s all about healing. Healing is a great thing.

When my ex ask questions he always wants it done with a “simple yes or no” well things aren’t always that easy. ¬†The paragraph starts with,”Let me ask you these questions because it seems that I am not getting a straight answer from you just answer these questions with a yes or no let’s keep it simple.” Do you still want to be with me? Do you even miss me? Do you love me? Why don’t you ever say that you love me? Do you regret being with me? When my ex got locked up, it made me very angry. I wanted an intact family, and it got destroyed, so I was mad for a long time. When he went away to prison in 2007, I called about the status, and when the lady told me 240 months, I was devastated. My world came crashing down life that I knew had changed. I’m no different from other mothers I wanted the house with the white picketed fence things were ruined in a blink of an eye. At the time I did miss him, it wasn’t about the financial help our sons were growing up without him. He missed out on a massive chunk of our children’s lives so many memories he will never have. Did I love him ever yes I did? I will always have some love for him. Real women are in touch with their feelings, and they keep it 100. It’s amazing how people can’t see how a person loved them. I showed it and told him that too. I never regretted being with my ex; it took him to make our two sons. Our sons are like a replica of us; it’s quite astonishing. I never regretted him, and I never will.

I believe that closure can only happen when things are faced, or we will continue to think about things and reliving situations that have been long over. Being stuck in the past only robs the present, which is a gift. I can’t change what happened, but I have forgiven my ex as well as let go of lots of anger. My ex needs to let go of his anger too because there’s no sense in it. I pray for my ex’s salvation because he doesn’t believe in Christ. I pray that God powerfully touches his heart. For him to have a blessed a life, he has to let go of the anger and the hate it will only poison all of his relationships, including the ones with our children. Taking the same old bricks into a new relationship will only destroy it and I don’t want our children to ever blame themselves. Father God touch my ex’s heart so it will soften and he let’s You in so that You can give him a new start. Lord You know that I mean every word and it’s coming from the heart. Please handle it Father God everything is in Your Hands. I thank You in advance. Amen.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things passed away; all things are become new.

Biology Class

Growing up math and science were my favorite subjects. Though the two are different math is used in science like Chemistry. I’m super excited about my upcoming class it’s Biology Nutritional science!!! I so can not wait to begin I love how God already put me in the mindset about clean eating. Eating clean keeps us healthy a huge part of staying on track is what we eat like 70% the other percentage is exercising. I love walking and working out!!! Being at a healthy isn’t just about looking good but feeling good and living longer. Let’s be honest there aren’t many people who are obese living well up into their 60s, 70s and 80s. It’s all about honesty being over 200 pounds in not good. Our culture definitely has a lot to do with the way that we eat. But God is the guide in my life and yes I want Him in control of how much that I eat. Years ago I was an emotional eater whenever I got stressed I would eat it’s not good at all. Overeating is a very slippery slope that’s hard to walk back up on but it is possible. I want to live for a very long time. It’s important for me to watch my sons get older. It’s a beautiful thing seeing families with multiple generations. So ready for more additional steps on this amazing journey!

No Matter What

James 1:19

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

When we are angry we must be careful about what is said. Words can only be forgiven and not forgotten. One thing I have seen a lot of are mothers telling the fathers that a child isn’t theirs never plant a seed it will always grow especially one of doubt. And the children doesn’t deserve to be placed in the middle. Anger is one emotion that can cause a person to do some serious damage that is most times irreversible. Don’t say hurtful things no matter what.

Walk away nothing is worth unnecessary damage to any relationship. One may win an argument but lose the one that they care about. Even the most solid relationship or marriage can not withstand too much wear and tear. It’s important to one let go let God and two have self control it takes two tango. Taking the high road is a great thing. I’m not saying for a person to walk all over you still we must be selective when it comes to our words.

It a relationship and marriage it’s suppose to be a team. There is no I in team however there is in single. When we are blessed to have our king or queen the last thing that we should do is hurt them intentionally with our words.

Conscious

Many times we speak of

Forgiving or people not being bitter

Letting go and moving on

Well that’s all good

And that’s great too still we

Must always own our mistakes

Yes things happen

And not always on purpose

Still it’s very important

To be conscious

And have common decency

To make choices that won’t

Have to result into things

That requires looking

For forgiveness

We all have to be conscientious

By not hurting a person in the first place

Treating our moves like chess

Thinking of the outcome

Two or three moves prior

Let’s be honest

The things that hurts anyone

The most were things

Where the person who hurt them

Knew better but chose to

Do otherwise

But down the line

Most times become the advocate

Of forgiveness

When all it takes

Is having the mindset

Or crossing a street

Looking both ways

Before making a move

Treating people as we

Would like to be treated

Or another rule

If you don’t want it done to you

Then don’t do it to someone else

Let a warning signal go off in your head

Like the ringing of the Liberty Bell

And not expecting people

To get over what was done

Because we were in the wrong

So let’s not be so quick

To speak of forgiveness or grudges

Let’s first be careful and diligent

So we don’t have to seek mercy

From someone who’s hurting

All we have to do is care

About what we do in the first place