Dating

Who Cares?

I am digging down deep in the depths of my soul and saying this most nonchalantly. “Who cares?” Who cares about who a person dated in their past? If it’s not affecting you in any way why is it any of your business?

I had touched on this subject before however, a recent situation pushed me to blog about it once more. A black woman felt compelled to explain her current dating choice because of her past dating choices. This situation is about interracial dating. I am over people who want to bond through the pain because they can’t stand to see others happy. Who this woman was in the past and who she is today more than likely aren’t the same. Everything happens for a reason, and everything serves some purpose. Adverse situations can teach people that they deserve better. We live. We learn. We grow. This black woman that I speak of used to date both black and white men. She has since decided to partner with white men only. So what? There could be several reasons why she has chosen to change her dating choices, things like past relationships, or doing what she always wanted to do. I can relate. My mother didn’t welcome my preference for white men, and she made me feel like I was doing something wrong. I get that she came up in a different time, but it didn’t change my desires. She allowed me to listen to heavy metal but watching the videos was so hard. I loved watching the video of handsome white men with gorgeous long hair. The video for Christian Woman by Type O Negative changed my life.

We all are quick to say live your life, but if you don’t have the support of your family, certain life events can be challenging to pursue when people are making you feel as if you are doing something wrong or they show that they are straight against it. We all need support, which is the reason why people keep their deepest desires to themselves until they feel confident enough to act on them.

It’s so vital for us to love and know ourselves enough to do what is best for us in our lives. If there is one that I have learned over the years through the bullying etc. is that it’s essential to love yourself. I have seen people attempting to expose someone else as a way to stop them from pursuing their happiness — the same way this black woman’s past relationships came out. Just because a person is afraid to act on their desires doesn’t give them the green light to influences yours these people’s opinions should be the least to be concerned about especially if these people are strangers. Why are these people attempting to stop someone else’s happiness? We should never forget that messengers have motives. Some people will stop at nothing to keep others miserable. What could be so wrong about being attracted to someone from a different race? After all, love has no color. We should be able to love who we want unapologetically without feeling the need to explain ourselves.

It’s a Trend?

There are a few swirl groups that I belong to and I am glad that I am in them every day I am seeing more black women and white men getting together. I just seen a white man and a black woman get married, the wedding was so beautiful. It’s incredibly awesome seeing love win. Today in one of the groups a person asked when you see a swirl couple in public honestly how does that make you feel? I answered of course by saying that it makes me happy to see black women opening themselves up to other possible avenues to happiness. What we think is meant to happen may not happen like we expect. But we can never receive the happiness that we deserve by placing limits on who can make us happy.

I have already shared my background at a young age I told my mother that I was attracted to white men, she didn’t take it well at first. The same way children go through puberty and decides which sex they are attracted to, I discovered that I was attracted to white men. It’s just that simple. So, no I wasn’t hurt white men is what I have always preferred. Sorry that you can’t minimize my attraction to being bitter or hurt. Nice try though.
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In the 90s there wasn’t any swirl groups or anyone I knew that could give me advice on dating interracially. Still I understand that it took for us to go through the 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s to get here today and I am extremely grateful.

If there is one thing that can grind my gears is a person downplaying or reducing a situation to nothing. When a person does that it’s a sign that they don’t want to face the reality of the truth. Recently, I read a comment on a video pertaining to interracial dating the commenter called black women and white men dating a trend. Dude are you serious right now?
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The commenter was a black man, now don’t get your feathers ruffled I am in no way saying that all black men have a problem with interracial dating. So chill out okay.
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I want black women to do whatever it is that makes them happy but let’s prove people wrong. Show the black men who thinks that white men and black women getting together is a trend that it isn’t a trend. The way to do this is to be totally attracted to white men to begin with. Black women should not date white men for stupid reasons like trying something new or if they have been hurt. I once knew a white guy who told me that a black woman only wanted to date him because she wanted a mixed child. Some people fail to realize that one life touches another if possible change a person’s life for the better not for the worse.

There are a lot of black women who are educated, speaks intellectually, attractive, have morals, can cook, and career driven etc. Every day I see black women breaking stereotypes about the so-called norms pertaining to us. It’s a great time to be alive. It’s a great time for white men and black women to be in love.

The Headaches of Dating Interracially

The other day I saw a post from a white lady that said:

“Dear Black men and black women,
Why is that when love joins two people together of different races does this become a problem with you? You say that you love and serve God yet your hatred from the unity of two people in love says differently. God didn’t teach this. If you hate on others it is like hating yourself. Stop that. Stop creating problems where there is no problem. Leave people to live, love and to be free. It’s as simple as that. I love you all and God loves you most. Be good and kind to each other. As God says love one another as you love ourselves. Amen”

I have nothing against this lady she’s wonderful but she really got me to thinking. Especially about people’s true thoughts on interracial dating. On Youtube videos of Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex they are filled with hateful words some are from white people who are calling her racist names. Meghan is half black and half white, yet they look at her as being completely black. Which to me is racist. Why can’t Meghan be seen for the person that she is? Racist people can’t do it, that’s why.

Now I am not sure of what exactly she saw that made her post this. However, I could give a hill of beans about who black men date or marry. I am not into black men and they can date whomever they choose. I hope that they feel the same way about black women too. It’s crazy to me. This lady addressed black people it’s highly doubtful that she saw Chelsy Davy’s face. Please don’t tell me that it was just because Harry was getting married either. In case a reminder is needed of Chelsy’s expression at Prince Harry and Meghan’s wedding. Her facial impression was so apparent that it produced a sea of memes.
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I remember when a white guy that I was talking to said that everyone is a little racist. I’m not sure whether or not that it’s really true. I do know by this lady making a post it could mean a few things mostly that she saw something that a black person did.

If we look at the rate that black men date out people are used to it. Most people are used to seeing black men with women of other races. Black women are just becoming comfortable with opening up their dating options. I have experience dating white men and I have gotten stares from black men as well as white women. So it’s not a black people thing only, it’s a racial thing that shows when people of different races are dating.
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Plenty of Fish

Growing up we had lots of sayings that our elders would say to us when it came to heartbreak like you are still young and the most famous one “there are other fish in the sea”. Let’s think about the sea do you realize how many different fish that there are? There are so many fish ranging from the letters A-Z. I look at the world of people like a ocean not every catch is right for you. It’s important not to throw back a rock fish and end up with a goldfish. The ocean has spots, tuna, flounder, sharks and there are things in it that’s not even fish like dolphins and whales. There are five groups of marine mammals and polar bears make up of it too. More and more I sit back and realize that it’s best to trust God always when it comes to everything including finding our true mate.

Everyone can talk and hear but only the right one can speak and listen to your soul. God has one special person for us not thousands. Everyone who talks the talk doesn’t walk the walk the wrong person will say and do anything to get what they want.When we find a special person we have to realize that Not everyone is replaceable thus we must be careful who we hurt and not to take them for granted. No one wants to search for a lifetime only to find that they threw the person back into the sea of people a long time ago. Remember there’s only one Nemo if you want to think of the sea. Love is so beautiful especially when it comes from the one that God has for you. We are all worthy of love. We are worth it !! Yes and we don’t need L’Oreal to tell us that ,we have God.

Online Dating and Christians

The Bible says Proverbs 18:22

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

Online dating is another way to be able to cast your net far an wide to reach your ideal mate. Still we didn’t have the internet years ago and many people still found their true love. Which clearly shows that God is in control it’s best to consult Him always. Back to the scripture should a woman try online dating that would be considered looking right? Still on the other hand how can a woman be found if she’s not getting out to be found? Ruth traveled and found Boaz although finding love wasn’t her reason for moving everything just fail into place when she did.This subject has many questions to explore and everyone should know by now that I am ready to find the answer. And I’m definitely open for a debate not on the Word of God that’s not what I do. I do believe in trusting God and He will guide us to do what’s best.

Myths About Black Women and Interracial Dating

There is a lady who’s book that I read on my Kindle her name is Christelyn Karazin the book is called Swirling. I follow her blog and her on Youtube as well. Anyway she had a fascinating video recently where a man had his theory on why black women dated white men. His theory was quite laughable to be honest. He claimed that black women are into thugs and that once they where done being used they would go and seek a white man. What I can’t understand is why everyone can accept the gay lifestyle but come up with ways to belittle black women that date outside of their race. As far as I am concerned everyone has there reasons as to why they dated outside of their race however one thing is clear it’s our choice.

I grew up without my father in the home, a neighborhood that was 70/30 black and white, mostly black schools, yet my first love was a white man not black. I am not a scorn black female just like many black women aren’t as well. So all of the hateful theories people can keep them it’s not their lives. The world would be such a beautiful place if people were nicer and wished others well. Different circumstances brings different results are there people who get hurt by someone in their race and decide that they want to date out of their race sure. Still I know females who gave up on men altogether there’s no difference. Everyone has a right to make their own choices and we should be responsible believe or not we will have to answer for them later. People can get hurt by anyone of any race just like people can be love by anyone of a different a race if it’s meant.

Starting Over

As I have shared I’m starting over in love. I have never dated a guy like go out on several dates. My belief as a Christian woman when a man finds a woman he finds a good thing. That’s what the Bible says and it has not lead me wrong. The internet makes it easy to socialize with others and it also makes it easy for people to get preyed upon. You have to be very careful. There was just a story pertaining to a mother of three being killed by a man that she met online. So sad three children without a mother my heart goes out to them.

First let’s get this understood crazy people are online but you are safe. Crazy people comes in all races, sexes and sizes just wanted to make that clear.You’re not safe when you are offline in the company of a stranger. Not being negative let’s look at things on the bright side everyone in our lives besides family were once strangers. On the other hand you can think that you know a person all of their lives and find out that you really didn’t. In life you take chances but be safe about them. There are people who love us and need us. Let’s try to be here for them as long as we can.

Starting over can be scary especially when it comes to a stubborn person like myself. I absolutely hate change but I have gotten a lot better over the years. I’m open to what way God may send me my Boaz. Patience is a virtue I believe this truly. No crossed fingers just trusting the Lord. Check out these ideas when going out on a date: