God

Thank You

At times the holidays can deliver mixed emotions for me it’s suppose to be a joyous time but I already know that someone somewhere is going to try to make it lousy. Research is a awesome way to gain knowledge but where did the books that we get our information get it’s information from? It’s just a thought. Why can’t people believe what they want and agree to disagree? For me Christ has brought me through so many times being homeless with my kids, pains in my stomach, raising a child with autism alone, heck raising two children alone, and so many other times. As I have said I’m not here to preach but to let my experiences speak for me. Not trying to be deep I just want to thank Christ for dying for me…..dying for all of us.

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He is risen

He did it for you

He did it for me

So that we all

Could be sin free

Washed cleaned

A new beginning started

When He went to Calvary

Performed the biggest

Miracle and blessing

A wonderful gift to us

We were given

All of our faults

Have been forgiven

He has risen

He is risen

Praise God

Praise God

He Is Risen

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Broken Covenant

When I use to think of what we had

It would make me sad

After all marriage is a special thing

A covenant with God

When a lady and a man

Becomes wife and husband

Number one we must understand

True love isn’t planned

Love is precious

And so beautiful

Especially when the love is equal

So if you are not ready

For love then don’t accept

A person’s heart

When they offer it to you

Another important thing

A marriage can not survive

With interferences from the outside

Also decisions should not be made

As if single is your status

They must be made together

With a prayer to God as the glue

To hold them into place

Praying that you gain understanding

As I have one day

I don’t blame God

And I don’t blame you

I played a role in the demise

Of the marriage too

It’s a shame what we planned to prosper

Has been reduced to a poem

Which consist of nouns and verbs

On a piece of paper

I am no longer sad or mad anymore

Because I now know that regardless of the

Outcome God has a plan

So now I understand

I no longer question why

I know that God has greater

For me in my life

Looking on the bright side helped me to realize

Where I messed up and that was not keeping

God first

See human beings are like candles

Under pressure we burn out

But God is like the sun

The light never goes out

He knew us before our births

He has a master plan

For our lives

But if you don’t consult the master

There’s a chance that things won’t work

Pride will have a person looking from a window

On the outside wishing that you were inside

Pride kills happiness it leaves you with regret

So if you have a ego lose it

It’s not worth it

I have grown to be so much wiser now

I no longer cradle ideas about marriage

That are fables

Only God can keep a marriage stable

Because He is able

All we have to do is lay

Everything out on the table

I have never had so much confidence

About letting go

I truly hope that you find

The wife that is meant for you

I don’t hate you

How can I

I once loved you

Besides harboring hate has no use

It only keeps me from reaching

The next level that I am trying

To get to

This isn’t drama it’s truth

Being honest is the right thing to do

As you can see I’ve looked

At me I have taken ownership

Of my mistakes

Can you

 

 

 

 

 

Politics and Christianity

John 17:16 says “They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.” Romans 12:12 says “And be not conformed of this world: but ye transformed by the renews of your mind…” I get this still we have to vote to make sure that our beliefs are not put into jeopardy. As far as I am concerned I have never been as worried in my whole entire life about Christianity. I look around and this country looks so different from the 80’s and 90’s. I have said it before I will say it again I am proud to be a Christian. I don’t push what I believe on people but I don’t hide my love for Christ either.

In my household growing up one of the rules were when you turned eighteen you have to get registered to vote. My mother was democratic  it was because she felt like they were for the middle class and the poor. And yes she was a Christian too. I understood what my mother meant so I became democratic too. I was really young so of course I am going to follow what my mother felt.

As I have shared before my first real job was at a convenience store. The cool part about is that a variety of people comes in and I loved it. There was a really nice lady that came in she got her coffee. She and I began to talk and she introduced herself as Thelma Drake. I was amazed at her views and what she stood for and I voted for her. Sorry mom the lady was brilliant she got me to see things differently. The older that I got I began to realize that to me my faith was very important so I vote for those  that feel the same. Now I know many politicians will say anything to get elected but there are some that try their best to follow through.

What makes me sad is how ugly the elections can get and how it can separate people. To the point where agreeing to disagree can’t apply. It should never be made about race because it’s not. Perhaps what we all must keep in mind that America is like a ship if it goes down we are all effected by it. We must do what it takes to keep her great and unite instead of fight. I want what’s best for our country there’s a generation coming up behind us. So all I want is what is right for this beautiful nation.

Prayer

Problems lay

On my heart

Heavy they weigh

I thank  You God for prayer

It takes the problems away

The moment that I pray

Every layer of trouble

Even the feelings that comes with them

Like life being unfair or despair

Suddenly it all disappears

I thank God for prayer

I thank God for letting me know

That He cares

I thank God for always being there

At times I too can become blind

To all the hurt that gets inside

What helps me to survive

Is knowing that God is on my side

Then the pain soon subside

It is never too hard for me

To get on my knees

Because I believe

In God truly

Any pride that tries to start

Has to leave

God Your love is all that I need

Thank You God for listening to my prayers

Thank You God for allowing me to cast my cares

Thank You God so much for

The power of prayer

It helps me to have to courage

To stand tall

And knowing in my heart

That You God will never

Allow me to fall

 

 

 

Christian Music Vs Secular Music

If I were stranded on a deserted island, the five things that I would bring with me would be the Bible, AJ and Kalieel, a MP3 player with thousands of songs that I love and my Boaz. I have not heard of a scripture that says that we should not listen to secular music. Maybe secular music is something of the world I guess. Also it contains foul language at times I don’t listen to music with bad words. However that’s where things begin to get hazy. First of all I am a music lover of all music that’s right all music. Gospel music Mahalia Jackson, Shirley Caesar, Sam Cooke, Take 6 and Etta James, Christian Hip Hop Bizzle, Sevin, Canton Jones, Da Truth and R-Swift, Heavy Metal Metallica, Megadeath, White Zombie, Pantera and Rage Against the Machine, Hip Hop Run DMC, KRS One, Biggie, 2 Pac, and Snoop Dogg, Country Shania Twain, LeAnn Rimes, Faith Hill, Reba McEntire and Johnny Cash, R&B Maxwell, Jill Scott, India.Arie, Brian McKnight and Donnell Jones, Pop Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, Jennifer Lopez, Mariah Carey and Becky G , classical and jazz as well as much more.

Music is very powerful it can effect our mood. It can uplift, make you sad and violent too. The reason why I say that it gets hazy about Christian music and secular music is because that at times they sound very similar. And some Christian music gets played on mainstream radio stations. Christian musicians gets awards on mainstream music award shows. Let’s use Kirk Franklin as an example he actually samples mainstream music in his music. He has a song called Smile that has a sample in it called Your smile by the R&B duo Rene & Angela. When I hear the song I hear the words but in the back of my mind I think of Your smile. I am very familiar with the song Your smile my mother had it on LP which she listened to on Sunday when she had my sisters and I cleaning. My mother had her ways of getting us to do housework still that’s another subject. Right now there is a huge controversy going on about the Kirk Franklin and Kanye West collaboration I’m just over here like why are people surprised the man samples mainstream music that we all listen to. The way that I see it two things can happen from this collaboration Kanye can get close to God and gain his soul or Kirk will lose his. If there is a line where is it? I am not ashamed to admit that I don’t know simply because I don’t know everything. I’m sure from Kirk point of view Kanye is a brother that he’s trying to help. Kanye in the past has display his hate for God many times. He definitely is a lost soul that I pray for. Many people who have hate in their hearts are actually hurting inside. Well if listening to secular music is wrong I will work on it. Pray for and I’m being serious.

 

 

Love Beyond Color

I still can recall the conversation with my mother pertaining to the kind of guys that I was attracted to. It didn’t go over very well with her. Don’t get me wrong my mother wasn’t racist even with the up bring that she had with society. I think that she had imagined me being with someone else. Even though it shouldn’t have came to her as a shock. Growing up I listened to every type of music however rock & roll was and still is my first love. My bedroom wall was plastered with posters of bands like Skid Row, Guns N Roses, Nirvana, Soundgarden and many others to name a few. My first celebrity crush was the lead singer from Tears for Fears Mr. Roland Orzabal. Roland has a demeanor with him that is unmistakable, he’s brilliant.

My first real job was at a convenience store I was two months shy from the age of 21. I worked hard and still lived with my mother she was sick with cancer. Working in the public you get to meet a lot of people but no one was interesting to me. I had never been in a relationship yet. One day while at work I watched as my manager interviewed several people for the midnight position that was opened which I worked. All the people that I saw seemed like interesting people one in particular who caught my eye. It was a tall, hazel eyed, curly haired white gentlemen. After he had the interview he made a purchase and I rung him up sparks flew. As soon as he left I told my manager that I hoped that she would hire him to my surprise she had. Later when we worked together he told me that he liked me too! Now I am not encouraging work place romance all the time just telling my story which I am proud of.

Even though we were both very young we did not allow our attraction to distract us from getting our work done. The first time we worked together I made the mistake of that and my manager did not let me forget we both always remained focused. I told my mother about this gentlemen and she asked me about my other co-worker whom I never had any interest in he was Filipino. Right to this day I never understood why she liked him so much. Still I let her know instantly who I was into so she let it go. Once this guy and I got involved she accepted it. She saw that I was happy and she was fine after that. The relationship lasted for a couple of years however there was various strains that caused it to fall apart some were me and my fear as well as my mother’s death to name a few. I don’t look at the relationship in a negative light it was quite beautiful. Over time I have come to realize that some situations are seasonal. What makes it hard is not wanting to face when things are over. Basically just because you love summer doesn’t mean that winter will never come it will change comes eventually.

What I have noticed about interracial dating mostly black and white, it can get controversial at times even after all these years. For instance there’s a lady that I follow on YouTube her name is Christelyn Karazin. She promotes love between black women and white men, she has a lot of supporters I am one of them. However she gets a lot of attacks as well and it makes absolutely no sense. For instance let’s look at things from a black female’s perspective that is looking to get married. Do you know that there is a shortage of black males due to incarceration and early death? From experience I know this to be true I have two sons by a black male who was locked since 2006 and recently got out a couple of months ago. In life things happen I understand this but what exactly is a black woman suppose to do? I’ll tell you she is to be open to love coming in a form that she may not expect. The open thing that life has taught is to be open to possibilities, go for what you really want and never place a time limit on things that requires a lifetime commitment. The last that anyone deserves is to spend their lives being miserable because of being in a rush as well as not thinking things through. This is how I live now by I trusting God I know that He places a desire in our hearts that He Will fulfill all we have to do it trust. So I am waiting for my Boaz he will be right for me because he will be sent by God almighty.

Hope For Love

Yes, we are loved 24/7 by Christ He shows His love by blessing our lives with our hearts’ desires. When it comes to love we have to be open to the possibilities. I understand that we all have our preferences which are fine as long as they hold hands with reality. My ideal dream man is white, smart, great smile, and at least 6’0 feet tall indeed that’s the one for me. I’m not ashamed to admit it love has not brought me much luck. It has not been that kind, it’s okay though I’m fine with that. It’s not God’s fault at all it’s on me totally it’s all about the way that I sought it out. My hunt was went about wrong we all know that when something begins wrong it will end up being wrong. Not one who cares for the saying ” It’s not how you start it’s how you finish” that may apply to some things but I don’t believe that it goes for love. Anyway when love is looked for it is not found true love happens unexpectedly.  Besides according to the Bible when a man finds a wife he has found a good thing. Meaning what’s meant to be needs no help it’s not the woman’s job to seek her man.Well I’m going to be a little cocky I believe God will give us what we want as long as it’s within His will.

In my life I have been in five serious relationships. I have never just dated or courted someone just got into a relationship instantly instead of taking it slowly. Hmmmm perhaps that is where I went wrong. It’s important to take the time to get to know a person. There could be red flags present but if one does take their  time they will go unnoticed. Now all of the relationships weren’t bad there were good times. In my opinion they are looked at as unsuccessful because I am not with anyone of them. Let’s face it longevity of a relationship is the ultimate display of success. I was twenty-one years old when I got into my first relationship. My first love was truly amazing he was white, smart, tall we enjoyed many of the same things. It seemed like I had hit the jackpot right out of the gate, Yaaaaaaay go me!!!!!! He was everything that I had ever wanted. Let me cover this before I take my story any further I do believe that love has no color. Chemistry is important as well has having things in common too. I am a black female and I have always have had an attraction to white men. Also the things that I have always been into made it so, I love all music it’s the love of my life. However rock and roll is my favorite music along with metal and alternative normally the black men that I come across that enjoy what I enjoy are usually into white women which is a story for another blog which I will be writing about in the near future. Back to the story at hand my first love and I were young so we were both inexperienced. My background of having an abusive father did not make things any easier either.

I admit my part in the failing of the relationship. To be honest I actually felt unworthy of love like not worthy of God’s blessing that was sent to me. It must be understood that a person who comes from an abusive background can sometimes make it hard for one to love them. People like us punish ourselves because it’s all that we know. Past abusive relationships plays a role in present and future relationships when not dealt with. Not bashing my past too much it helped to develop me into the woman that I am today therefore I am proud of my battle wounds they aren’t scars. I’m healed completely of my past very thankful for that. In fact the way that I view my other four relationships aren’t in a negative way they taught the goodness of the first one. Also one of the relationships gave me my  two handsome sons who are loved very dearly by me. The four relationships that I had give me an understanding of there purposes therefore they need no mentioning or elaborating on.

Right now I know and I am very confident that I am ready for love. I know that God will send  me the right husband. Life has taught me what I need to know that I am worthy of the beauty of love. Regardless of my choices, my mistakes, my hurt, my pain, my past, my fear I will not give up on love. No one should give up on love it adds meaning to everyone’s lives and we all deserve to smile. For my dedication to love I wrote a poem it’s titled “Won’t Give Up On Love” it goes:

Although I have been dealt with what some may consider to be an unlucky hand

I haven’t given up on one the things that I desire having the most and that’s love

I long to feel totally complete with the love who embraces who I am

Unique yet difficult at the same time

One who I would give my all for even if it makes me feel uncomfortable

I am willing to step outside of my comfort zone as long as the feelings are mutual

I desire a king because I am a queen

A queen longs to take care of her king in ways that all the money can’t buy

I want to be the one that he can talk to about whatever it is that’s on his mind

His desires, his fears always backing him in his dreams big or little

Never allowing doubt to shadow his God given potential no matter what

I will always remain loyal and true blue

Most men and women have been hurt

They have been wounded and scarred from pain

Even when they move on the hurt remains

Vowing never to allow themselves to trust or love again

But they can’t give up, we can’t give up on love

On being united with their kings or queens

Joined together can you say love royalty

Love should never be taken lightly or for granted

Love sometimes is treated like a bad habit

Some people give love a bad name which is something that it doesn’t deserve

All because some of the people chose to give their hearts

To a complete stranger as it

It would be placed in danger some people have a nerve

Still there’s hope it doesn’t matter that life threw them a curve ball

Just have to wait and be patient their love problems will be solved

Love can make the coldest heart warm

When God made man in His image

He thought that man should not be alone so God made a woman

He intended for a woman to be a help mate

She is to relieve some of his weight and to kiss her king’s wounds

And forgive his mistakes

Willing to do whatever it takes to seal their love’s fate

Never making him feel like less than a champion

The greatest love comes from above

With God as the navigator He will guide us towards things

That are greater that includes the mate that is meant for us

All we have to do is trust so with that being said

I won’t give up on love

 

 

Stay or Go

Growing up I had a Christian up bring my mother was strict however I didn’t mind it. The way that I was brought up is the reason why I am who I am today. My mother and father separated when I was a very child about five years old. My father was Not a Christian and on top of that he was physically and mentally abusive. Some of the fights between my parents were so bad that I can still remember them vividly. Yet as a Christian my mother stuck by my father because of her faith. This is something to really think about. Being a Christian person in an abusive relationship when  does one throw in the towel? The Bible says to forgive and God doesn’t like divorce it’s a tough situation. Still I believe that God would not want anyone to remain with an abusive partner. Well my mother was finally brave enough to leave my father.

My mother was a very strong woman that had endured a tremendous amount of heartache and pain. She was brought up in a foster home and later got involved with my dad. However through it all she loved God and she wasn’t a hateful person she was very loving. The faith that she had is the reason why I am a strong believer in Christ her faith was unshakeable. In fact she was one of the best mothers that had ever lived. I had so much respect for her even though my father wasn’t good she never spoke negative about him at all something that I inherited from her as well. One day when she and I were riding in the car I had to have been sixteen years old  I asked why did she stay with my father for as long as she did? Her response was that she kept hoping that he would change and that she was trying to give us a home, be family. Inside not to her face of course I was like” I would had left.”  I learned from experience that what I thought as a teen about leaving an abusive relationship or marriage is easier said than done. I later got into an abusive relationship with my children’s father. No one goes out looking for a person that will abuse them sadly things happen.

In my mind everything that is bad can be made into something good. I truly believe that once we forgive people that God can heal the situation and handle people the way that they need to be dealt with. God’s ways are perfect and I don’t blame Him for any of the hardships that occurred in my life and neither did my mother. She removed herself from toxic situations so her children could grow up with a healthy up bring. For me there are so many questions that I have about situations pertaining to marriage that are abusive or a  partner that is a cheater etc.First it’s all about praying to God about a potential partner and analyzing them as well. Many times we see the red flags but ignore them it’s important to bare in mind that it’s okay to be picky and not to compromise when we are seeking a partner. It’s important to not allow being lonely to be the cause of making a avoidable mistake. Long time ago many thought meeting people in a church was a great place over the years that became a fantasy. Anyway church is a place to worship not hook up it’s not a bar. We have to keep our eyes peeled and ears open to God’s voice He knows what’s best. The bible says not to be in a hurry for nothing. All we have to do is trust and know that He has the best for us that His ways and thoughts are higher than ours.