Don’t Come For Me

Today I had a black man tell me that myself and other black women who choose to swirl deserves to be placed into an oven alive so we can burn. I know what you are thinking Tameeka “why do you care about what a troll says?” I’ll tell you why because like I have already been saying there is a problem within the black community. It’s hard for me as well as some of the other single mothers who have black sons. Many of us are fighting to make sure that our sons will be respectable and productive citizens. I have already shared that I have always been attracted to white men however I did have two children with a black man. One day I will tell the whole story in a book because it’s worthy of that. I will say this while I love my sons very deeply I do wish that they was blessed to have another father however they would not be who they are without having the father that they have. The main thing that needs to be said is this don’t come for me unless you know my story and you heard it come from me directly. I am Not ashamed of my battle scars the war has been won that part of my life is done. I am at the point in my life that I don’t mind talking about what I have been through if it can help someone else.

My sons are by the same man who I married as well. The marriage did not work out it is what it is, getting married is one thing staying married is another. What is the most important thing that needs to be understood is that sometimes in order to avoid what Not to do you must understand why you should Not do it. I had my oldest in 2001 and my youngest in 2003 that was before Facebook, Twitter and You-Tube. Today there is a wealth of information available that can help the generations after me. Understand this I have never told any black woman to date a black man only. I always say date the person who loves and treats you the best regardless of his skin color because love has no color. There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to have a family it just has to be done properly. If hurricane Harvey wasn’t an eye opener I am not sure what will there were way too many single black mothers who were totally alone. I am a advocate for breaking the chains of broken homes because they are the destroyer of children’s tomorrows. Every child deserves to be brought up in an intact home. I do Not want any child to walk around with a hole in their heart that was created by their parent. Children can be repaired unlike most adults this is why broken homes must cease be eradicated all together.

Back on topic I remember when I told my mother that I was attracted to white men at first she had a hard time accepting it. My mother told me that she was afraid of me being hurt but as I told her any man can hurt you. The support of interracial dating that is out now wasn’t around in the 80’s and 90’s. Support strengthens people to be brave enough to stand up for what they believe is right think about it civil rights didn’t happen with just Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. acts alone. As black women we must pull together and lift one another up not looked down on other women who messed up. I know that there are some disrespectful black men who are on a vendetta to try to destroy us but they can’t do that as long as we band together. I want to see all black women happy and successful don’t judge me by my past. To know me now is to learn my past so you may learn from it the struggles that I encountered yesterday made me the woman who I am today and I am not ashamed. Hurt people, hurt others and healed people, heal others please know that I am healed woman.

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Am I Asking For Too Much?

The purpose of my blog is to discuss things that no one wants to talk about. What I am doing is not very popular but  I am fine with that. In my opinion everyone has some knowledge that’s useful in one way or another. Even a fool is right sometimes just like a broken clock has the right time twice a day. All it takes is for us to empty out the noise that in our minds that at times helps to cloud our perspective of things.

I consider myself to be a pretty open-minded. I will give anyone a chance still there are situations that cannot be ignored, like dead beat fathers. I always speak up for the good fathers because they are some. Let me give a description of what I feel is a good father:

He’s there for his children

He understand that money isn’t more important than his time

He’s love for his children is not limited

Regardless of what is going on with the mother of the children it doesn’t impact his relationship with his children

He understands balance and does it well

The word bashing isn’t a part of his vocabulary because he is responsible

He doesn’t hold pity parties

We all strive to be more and a parent should never cut their children short of anything especially love. None of us wants to be the reason for creating a damaged child because they grow up into messed up adults. I am really tired of dead fathers getting upset because people speak on the things that they aren’t doing. It’s time to stop making excuses for the choices that you made being a parent is a two way street.  Dead beat fathers stop contributing to the dysfunction in the black community if you didn’t have a father then be the dad that you never had.

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Heartbreak

Having your heart broken has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s something that we have all experienced at one point in our lives. I could be wrong but I think the reason why getting your heart broken hurts so much is because love is powerful. Love can make anyone fall head over heels whether they choose to admit it or not. We find ourselves doing things that we thought we never would do and when we do those things that’s a sign of being in love. It’s not a bad thing being vulnerable and giving the one that you love your all. So what happens how does things end? Who knows it could be a number of reasons people drift apart and when that happens a downward spiral begins the lying as well as the cheating occurs. There’s so much pain that can happen it’s so devastating. Dealing with betrayal is never easy for anyone.

In my opinion if you ever loved a person at all forgive them and give them to God. I know what you are saying really Tameeka? Yes I mean what I am saying. Forgiveness is for the person who is doing the forgiving. Bitterness and anger doesn’t solve anything it only slows down the healing process. We all deserve to feel better life is just too short to hold grudges and not forgive. I know when a breakup first occurs it hurts more than anything we can imagine but we have to let it go and trust God. If a person that you once love did you wrong then trust God to make it right. Being honest doesn’t cost anything to do but if a person chooses not be forgive them anyway. God will take care of all of our hurt and pain. God doesn’t fix one area of our lives and not another. God is committed to us fully. He can repair a broken heart but we have to be willing to give him our hearts. God can do anything. Trust Him today.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

A Hurt Son’s Thoughts

You get upset

When I call you father

But do you really think that

You deserve to be called dad

You were sent away to prison

When my brother and I

Were very young

I was five and he was three

God blessed you

To have your sentence

Reduced tremendously

You are now free

After ten years of being

Away I can’t believe

That we are the last ones

On your list that you are

Trying to see

My brother and I

Are wondering why

Is it too much

For you to be a father to us

My mother doesn’t understand

But she keeps on pushing

You got us all

Sitting back thinking wow

On this day

I made a vow

That if I were to ever

Become a father

I will never

Abandon, disrespect or hurt

My child or it’s mother

Broken Covenant

When I use to think of what we had

It would make me sad

After all marriage is a special thing

A covenant with God

When a lady and a man

Becomes wife and husband

Number one we must understand

True love isn’t planned

Love is precious

And so beautiful

Especially when the love is equal

So if you are not ready

For love then don’t accept

A person’s heart

When they offer it to you

Another important thing

A marriage can not survive

With interferences from the outside

Also decisions should not be made

As if single is your status

They must be made together

With a prayer to God as the glue

To hold them into place

Praying that you gain understanding

As I have one day

I don’t blame God

And I don’t blame you

I played a role in the demise

Of the marriage too

It’s a shame what we planned to prosper

Has been reduced to a poem

Which consist of nouns and verbs

On a piece of paper

I am no longer sad or mad anymore

Because I now know that regardless of the

Outcome God has a plan

So now I understand

I no longer question why

I know that God has greater

For me in my life

Looking on the bright side helped me to realize

Where I messed up and that was not keeping

God first

See human beings are like candles

Under pressure we burn out

But God is like the sun

The light never goes out

He knew us before our births

He has a master plan

For our lives

But if you don’t consult the master

There’s a chance that things won’t work

Pride will have a person looking from a window

On the outside wishing that you were inside

Pride kills happiness it leaves you with regret

So if you have a ego lose it

It’s not worth it

I have grown to be so much wiser now

I no longer cradle ideas about marriage

That are fables

Only God can keep a marriage stable

Because He is able

All we have to do is lay

Everything out on the table

I have never had so much confidence

About letting go

I truly hope that you find

The wife that is meant for you

I don’t hate you

How can I

I once loved you

Besides harboring hate has no use

It only keeps me from reaching

The next level that I am trying

To get to

This isn’t drama it’s truth

Being honest is the right thing to do

As you can see I’ve looked

At me I have taken ownership

Of my mistakes

Can you