love

Promise Of A New Me

There are so many things that I got from my mother that I am proud of my writing skills, curvy body and unfortunately a struggle with weight. Growing up I was a thin kid but as I got into my teens and older the battle of my weight began. I’m 5’7 so the ideal weight is between 129 pounds to 145 pounds. My weight would yo yo between 190 pounds to 210 pounds but once I had my boys my weight toppled to a whopping 289.  I tried everything that I could all the fad diets I would lose a few pounds and gain it all back and then some. My highest weight was 320 pounds. The emergency room was like my second home having constant headaches and chest pains. Finally on one of my visits to the emergency room a doctor that became acquainted with me sat me down and started to press on my leg he goes “Do you see that?” “That’s fluid it’s around your heart too.” “Stop eating!”

 

I was so fed up with my weight. When there were parent teacher conferences I would always pick times when it was really early or really late I didn’t want to be an embarrassment to my kids let’s face it children can be cruel. The boys had enough on their plates they didn’t need me to be one of them as well. So I just made up my mind that I was going to do something about my weight. I started with Weight Watchers and Slim Fast bars along with walking daily. Before I knew it I was down 60 to 80 pounds so I let go of Weight Watchers and the Slim Fast bars. I watched what I eat and walked. With God behind me to help with my will power I went from 320 pounds to 154 pounds. Everyday is a struggle I love food and I eat when stressed. But I just keep fighting.

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The Chains Must Be Broken

Anyone who knows me personally knows that I don’t have a racist bone in my body and I have no self hate. At times it can be hard being me and being attracted to white men doesn’t help matters either. At times I get a whole lot of flack from my fellow brothers. It needs to be understood I don’t hate them as a matter of fact I love them in a Christian way. There is a chain that needs to be broken and it starts in the homes. When a family is broken it causes lots of damages for some that can’t be fixed. The blame game comes into to play attached with hate. Some of the black young girls become black women who wants love so much that she loses sight of her worth. Black boys grow up into black men who sometimes hate their mothers and they take it out on fellow black women. The chains must be broken it’s time to stop all the hate and turn negative into a positive. I came from a broken home but I allowed that to make me stronger. I don’t have a bad attitude I am simply aware of what I want and I go for it.

I find this video interesting:

Broken Covenant

When I use to think of what we had

It would make me sad

After all marriage is a special thing

A covenant with God

When a lady and a man

Becomes wife and husband

Number one we must understand

True love isn’t planned

Love is precious

And so beautiful

Especially when the love is equal

So if you are not ready

For love then don’t accept

A person’s heart

When they offer it to you

Another important thing

A marriage can not survive

With interferences from the outside

Also decisions should not be made

As if single is your status

They must be made together

With a prayer to God as the glue

To hold them into place

Praying that you gain understanding

As I have one day

I don’t blame God

And I don’t blame you

I played a role in the demise

Of the marriage too

It’s a shame what we planned to prosper

Has been reduced to a poem

Which consist of nouns and verbs

On a piece of paper

I am no longer sad or mad anymore

Because I now know that regardless of the

Outcome God has a plan

So now I understand

I no longer question why

I know that God has greater

For me in my life

Looking on the bright side helped me to realize

Where I messed up and that was not keeping

God first

See human beings are like candles

Under pressure we burn out

But God is like the sun

The light never goes out

He knew us before our births

He has a master plan

For our lives

But if you don’t consult the master

There’s a chance that things won’t work

Pride will have a person looking from a window

On the outside wishing that you were inside

Pride kills happiness it leaves you with regret

So if you have a ego lose it

It’s not worth it

I have grown to be so much wiser now

I no longer cradle ideas about marriage

That are fables

Only God can keep a marriage stable

Because He is able

All we have to do is lay

Everything out on the table

I have never had so much confidence

About letting go

I truly hope that you find

The wife that is meant for you

I don’t hate you

How can I

I once loved you

Besides harboring hate has no use

It only keeps me from reaching

The next level that I am trying

To get to

This isn’t drama it’s truth

Being honest is the right thing to do

As you can see I’ve looked

At me I have taken ownership

Of my mistakes

Can you

 

 

 

 

 

I Accept Who I Am Proudly

One thing that I don’t do

And that’s reminisce

About memories from my past

Unless they are ones

That are filled will bliss

Or they in some way

Contribute positively to my present or future

Life is way too short to be miserable

When I look in the mirror

I look beneath the surface way deep

And I am proud of what I see

A woman who has not allowed her past

To be a crutch or to define her

Holds her head up high with pleasure

Busy looking towards the future

As a matter of fact she runs to it

To catch it

Everyone has parts of their lives

Where they wish they could change

Forget or revive

Mine is no different

My life has not been perfect

I had an abusive husband and father

A wonderful mother who died young from cancer

Three beautiful sisters but we still argue

Two sons with a man that God didn’t not send

Unfortunately I made him my husband

One of my sons has autism

Goals and dreams that I have yet to finish

My face still has an occasional blemish

A marriage that has been demolished

But I refuse to wallow in sorrow

The past can not rob me of a great tomorrow

It will just go bankrupt

Cause my past won’t get a loan

No matter how hard it tries to borrow

My past has served it purposes

And I have come to terms of

What was meant happened

What wasn’t meant didn’t happened

Wishing and hoping won’t change it

Regardless I will not stress

I still feel that I am blessed

Through all the mess

Being negative there’s absolutely  no sense in it

I have accepted my life 100%

And I am proud of it