Springtime

It’s spring

I wonder what’s coming

Besides the beautiful flowers

Warmer weather

Blue skies

More time for the kids

To play outside

Glowing smiles

Hopefully many surprising things

All blessings

I’ll be waiting

Love Beyond Color

I still can recall the conversation with my mother pertaining to the kind of guys that I was attracted to. It didn’t go over very well with her. Don’t get me wrong my mother wasn’t racist even with the up bring that she had with society. I think that she had imagined me being with someone else. Even though it shouldn’t have came to her as a shock. Growing up I listened to every type of music however rock & roll was and still is my first love. My bedroom wall was plastered with posters of bands like Skid Row, Guns N Roses, Nirvana, Soundgarden and many others to name a few. My first celebrity crush was the lead singer from Tears for Fears Mr. Roland Orzabal. Roland has a demeanor with him that is unmistakable, he’s brilliant.

My first real job was at a convenience store I was two months shy from the age of 21. I worked hard and still lived with my mother she was sick with cancer. Working in the public you get to meet a lot of people but no one was interesting to me. I had never been in a relationship yet. One day while at work I watched as my manager interviewed several people for the midnight position that was opened which I worked. All the people that I saw seemed like interesting people one in particular who caught my eye. It was a tall, hazel eyed, curly haired white gentlemen. After he had the interview he made a purchase and I rung him up sparks flew. As soon as he left I told my manager that I hoped that she would hire him to my surprise she had. Later when we worked together he told me that he liked me too! Now I am not encouraging work place romance all the time just telling my story which I am proud of.

Even though we were both very young we did not allow our attraction to distract us from getting our work done. The first time we worked together I made the mistake of that and my manager did not let me forget we both always remained focused. I told my mother about this gentlemen and she asked me about my other co-worker whom I never had any interest in he was Filipino. Right to this day I never understood why she liked him so much. Still I let her know instantly who I was into so she let it go. Once this guy and I got involved she accepted it. She saw that I was happy and she was fine after that. The relationship lasted for a couple of years however there was various strains that caused it to fall apart some were me and my fear as well as my mother’s death to name a few. I don’t look at the relationship in a negative light it was quite beautiful. Over time I have come to realize that some situations are seasonal. What makes it hard is not wanting to face when things are over. Basically just because you love summer doesn’t mean that winter will never come it will change comes eventually.

What I have noticed about interracial dating mostly black and white, it can get controversial at times even after all these years. For instance there’s a lady that I follow on YouTube her name is Christelyn Karazin. She promotes love between black women and white men, she has a lot of supporters I am one of them. However she gets a lot of attacks as well and it makes absolutely no sense. For instance let’s look at things from a black female’s perspective that is looking to get married. Do you know that there is a shortage of black males due to incarceration and early death? From experience I know this to be true I have two sons by a black male who was locked since 2006 and recently got out a couple of months ago. In life things happen I understand this but what exactly is a black woman suppose to do? I’ll tell you she is to be open to love coming in a form that she may not expect. The open thing that life has taught is to be open to possibilities, go for what you really want and never place a time limit on things that requires a lifetime commitment. The last that anyone deserves is to spend their lives being miserable because of being in a rush as well as not thinking things through. This is how I live now by I trusting God I know that He places a desire in our hearts that He Will fulfill all we have to do it trust. So I am waiting for my Boaz he will be right for me because he will be sent by God almighty.

Hope For Love

Yes, we are loved 24/7 by Christ He shows His love by blessing our lives with our hearts’ desires. When it comes to love we have to be open to the possibilities. I understand that we all have our preferences which are fine as long as they hold hands with reality. My ideal dream man is white, smart, great smile, and at least 6’0 feet tall indeed that’s the one for me. I’m not ashamed to admit it love has not brought me much luck. It has not been that kind, it’s okay though I’m fine with that. It’s not God’s fault at all it’s on me totally it’s all about the way that I sought it out. My hunt was went about wrong we all know that when something begins wrong it will end up being wrong. Not one who cares for the saying ” It’s not how you start it’s how you finish” that may apply to some things but I don’t believe that it goes for love. Anyway when love is looked for it is not found true love happens unexpectedly.  Besides according to the Bible when a man finds a wife he has found a good thing. Meaning what’s meant to be needs no help it’s not the woman’s job to seek her man.Well I’m going to be a little cocky I believe God will give us what we want as long as it’s within His will.

In my life I have been in five serious relationships. I have never just dated or courted someone just got into a relationship instantly instead of taking it slowly. Hmmmm perhaps that is where I went wrong. It’s important to take the time to get to know a person. There could be red flags present but if one does take their  time they will go unnoticed. Now all of the relationships weren’t bad there were good times. In my opinion they are looked at as unsuccessful because I am not with anyone of them. Let’s face it longevity of a relationship is the ultimate display of success. I was twenty-one years old when I got into my first relationship. My first love was truly amazing he was white, smart, tall we enjoyed many of the same things. It seemed like I had hit the jackpot right out of the gate, Yaaaaaaay go me!!!!!! He was everything that I had ever wanted. Let me cover this before I take my story any further I do believe that love has no color. Chemistry is important as well has having things in common too. I am a black female and I have always have had an attraction to white men. Also the things that I have always been into made it so, I love all music it’s the love of my life. However rock and roll is my favorite music along with metal and alternative normally the black men that I come across that enjoy what I enjoy are usually into white women which is a story for another blog which I will be writing about in the near future. Back to the story at hand my first love and I were young so we were both inexperienced. My background of having an abusive father did not make things any easier either.

I admit my part in the failing of the relationship. To be honest I actually felt unworthy of love like not worthy of God’s blessing that was sent to me. It must be understood that a person who comes from an abusive background can sometimes make it hard for one to love them. People like us punish ourselves because it’s all that we know. Past abusive relationships plays a role in present and future relationships when not dealt with. Not bashing my past too much it helped to develop me into the woman that I am today therefore I am proud of my battle wounds they aren’t scars. I’m healed completely of my past very thankful for that. In fact the way that I view my other four relationships aren’t in a negative way they taught the goodness of the first one. Also one of the relationships gave me my  two handsome sons who are loved very dearly by me. The four relationships that I had give me an understanding of there purposes therefore they need no mentioning or elaborating on.

Right now I know and I am very confident that I am ready for love. I know that God will send  me the right husband. Life has taught me what I need to know that I am worthy of the beauty of love. Regardless of my choices, my mistakes, my hurt, my pain, my past, my fear I will not give up on love. No one should give up on love it adds meaning to everyone’s lives and we all deserve to smile. For my dedication to love I wrote a poem it’s titled “Won’t Give Up On Love” it goes:

Although I have been dealt with what some may consider to be an unlucky hand

I haven’t given up on one the things that I desire having the most and that’s love

I long to feel totally complete with the love who embraces who I am

Unique yet difficult at the same time

One who I would give my all for even if it makes me feel uncomfortable

I am willing to step outside of my comfort zone as long as the feelings are mutual

I desire a king because I am a queen

A queen longs to take care of her king in ways that all the money can’t buy

I want to be the one that he can talk to about whatever it is that’s on his mind

His desires, his fears always backing him in his dreams big or little

Never allowing doubt to shadow his God given potential no matter what

I will always remain loyal and true blue

Most men and women have been hurt

They have been wounded and scarred from pain

Even when they move on the hurt remains

Vowing never to allow themselves to trust or love again

But they can’t give up, we can’t give up on love

On being united with their kings or queens

Joined together can you say love royalty

Love should never be taken lightly or for granted

Love sometimes is treated like a bad habit

Some people give love a bad name which is something that it doesn’t deserve

All because some of the people chose to give their hearts

To a complete stranger as it

It would be placed in danger some people have a nerve

Still there’s hope it doesn’t matter that life threw them a curve ball

Just have to wait and be patient their love problems will be solved

Love can make the coldest heart warm

When God made man in His image

He thought that man should not be alone so God made a woman

He intended for a woman to be a help mate

She is to relieve some of his weight and to kiss her king’s wounds

And forgive his mistakes

Willing to do whatever it takes to seal their love’s fate

Never making him feel like less than a champion

The greatest love comes from above

With God as the navigator He will guide us towards things

That are greater that includes the mate that is meant for us

All we have to do is trust so with that being said

I won’t give up on love