Trusting the Process

I’d be lying if I said that certain things didn’t make me wonder what God was doing. There has been times when I wasn’t sure whether I was going or coming. But I remembered all the times when God brought me through. I’m trusting God so I have no choice but to trust the process. Everything that God allows us to go through serves a process and we become better because of it.

So I have allowed myself not to be bitter but better and to be silent while I listen to God’s still voice. Learning not to be sad but glad there’s no room for worry. Praying for everyone who has hurt me and let my children down as well as comfort too. I think the best way to be successful in understanding the process is disowning the things that man may try to tell you about yourself. God opinion is the only one that holds the most value.

Lord I know what You told me so I trust You through it all no matter what happens or how things looks like. I know that everything will be alright. Lord I know that You know what is best for my life I know because I can feel what is to come. Lord you show us things everyday which are signs of what’s to come the sunset is a sign of night approaching and cloudy skies is a sign of a storm. On the flip side a sunrise is sign of a new day. A storm comes to an end and so we see a rainbow. Lord I love You and I know that You will see me through just like You always do.

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The Letter

My life keeps getting more and more interesting by each and every minute. I’m a huge fan of the movie Immortal Beloved it’s based on the life of Beethoven. There are so many parts of the movie I love the actor Gary Oldman did a fantastic job. Gary Oldman brought the movie to life he’s a brilliant actor underrated for sure. This movie came out in 1994 perhaps my top favorite thing besides the music was a letter that Beethoven wrote to the woman that he truly loved. Ahhhhh yes I love the words “ever thine ever mine ever ours”  words from a great man. I know what you are thinking what is Tameeka talking about now? I’ll be getting to that in a minute. My ex and I are like polar opposites it’s the truth. I don’t hate him I just look back at what we had as a life lesson. It is what it is. The posts that I write are to encourage and inspire somebody. I believe that there is someone somewhere who’s going through what I am going through. Anyway back on topic.

It’s amazing when you are trying to move on things from the past fall out of nowhere. I found a letter written by my soon to be ex husband from five years ago. That’s right five years ago. I think the purpose of the letter is for closure. It wasn’t about the letter being from him it was about what was in it. He wrote me many different letters it’s weird that this one suddenly appears. Out of all the letters written why this one I have moved from one address to another and this letter pops up. The letter had several different questions so I assume that perhaps these are unanswered questions that he may have. I will answer the questions in this post it’s not like he’ll ever read it anyway it’s all about closure. Closure is definitely a great thing.

When my ex ask questions he always wants it done with a “simple yes or no” well things aren’t always that easy.  The paragraph starts with,”Let me ask you these questions because it seems that I am not getting a straight answer from you just answer these questions with a yes or no let’s keep it simple”. Do you still want to be with me? Do you even miss me? Do you love me? Why you ain’t never  say that you love me? Do you regret being with me? When my ex got locked up it made me very angry. I wanted an intact family and it got destroyed so I was angry for a long time. When he was sentenced in 2007 I called about the status and when the lady told me 240 months I was devastated. My world came crashing down life that I knew had changed. I’m no different from other mothers I wanted the house with the white picketed fence things were ruined in a blink of an eye. At the time I did miss him it wasn’t about the financial help our sons were growing up without him. He missed out on a huge chunk of our children’s lives so many memories he will never have. Did I love him ever yes I did. It’s amazing how people can’t see how a person loved them. I showed it and told him that too. I never regretted being with my ex it took him to make our two sons. Our sons are like an exact replica of us it’s quite astonishing. I never regretted him and I never will.

I believe that closure can only happen when things are faced or we will continue to think about things and reliving things that have been long over. Being stuck in the past only robs the present which is a gift. I can’t change what happened but I have forgiven my ex as well let go of lots of anger. My ex needs to let go of his anger as well because there’s no sense in it. I pray for my ex’s salvation because he doesn’t believe in Christ. I pray that God touches his heart in a mighty way that the next marriage he has is a blessed one. In order for him to have a blessed union he has to let go of the anger and the hate it will only poison all of his relationships including the ones with our children. Taking the same old bricks into a new relationship will only destroy it and I don’t want our children to ever blame themselves. Father God touch my ex’s heart so it will soften and he let’s You in so that You can give him a new start. Lord You know that I mean every word and it’s coming from the heart. Please handle it Father God everything is in Your Hands. I thank You in advanced. Amen.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things passed away; all things are become new.

Plenty of Fish

Growing up we had lots of sayings that our elders would say to us when it came to heartbreak like you are still young and the most famous one “there are other fish in the sea”. Let’s think about the sea do you realize how many different fish that there are? There are so many fish ranging from the letters A-Z. I look at the world of people like a ocean not every catch is right for you. It’s important not to throw back a rock fish and end up with a goldfish. The ocean has spots, tuna, flounder, sharks and there are things in it that’s not even fish like dolphins and whales. There are five groups of marine mammals and polar bears make up of it too. More and more I sit back and realize that it’s best to trust God always when it comes to everything including finding our true mate.

Everyone can talk and hear but only the right one can speak and listen to your soul. God has one special person for us not thousands. Everyone who talks the talk doesn’t walk the walk the wrong person will say and do anything to get what they want.When we find a special person we have to realize that Not everyone is replaceable thus we must be careful who we hurt and not to take them for granted. No one wants to search for a lifetime only to find that they threw the person back into the sea of people a long time ago. Remember there’s only one Nemo if you want to think of the sea. Love is so beautiful especially when it comes from the one that God has for you. We are all worthy of love. We are worth it !! Yes and we don’t need L’Oreal to tell us that ,we have God.

Bitter or Better

There have been three words that have been on my mind and they are bitter or better. There’s no one who has not encountered hardship. How do we allow it to affect us? When it comes to a horrible past it’s best to have a bad memory. Unless we are speaking of a testimony of course if we are still bitter we aren’t healed therefore we are hurt which won’t make us better. A hurting person must be careful because not meaning to could hurt someone else with their words or actions. It’s important to make our  mark when we go out into the world and that our presence makes a positive impact. As I always say I’m not a preacher or teacher. I’m Tameeka. Sometimes moving on from a situation where a person hurt us and never apologized may mean we have to face that they may never will. We should not allow any pain of negative experiences rob us of our joy. There is so much life to live so live it we owe it to ourselves.