The Letter

My life keeps getting more and more interesting every minute. I’m a massive fan of the movie Immortal Beloved it’s about the life of Beethoven. There are so many parts of the film I love the actor Gary Oldman did a fantastic job. Gary Oldman brought the movie to life he’s a brilliant actor underrated for sure. This movie came out in 1994, perhaps my top favorite thing besides the music was a letter that Beethoven wrote to the woman that he truly loved. Ahhhhh yes I love the words “ever thine ever mine ours”  words from a great man ever. I know what you are thinking what is Tameeka talking about now? I’ll be getting to that in a minute. My ex and I are like opposites it’s the truth. I don’t hate him; I look back at what we had as a life lesson. It is what it is. The posts that I write are to encourage and inspire somebody. I believe that there is someone somewhere who’s going through what I am going through. Anyway back on topic.

It’s incredible when you are trying to move on things from the past fall out of nowhere. I found a letter written by my ex from five years ago. That’s right five years ago. I think the purpose of the letter could be for closure. It wasn’t about the letter being from him it was about what was in it. He wrote me many different letters it’s weird that this one suddenly appears. Out of all the letters written why this one I have moved from one address to another and this letter pops up. The letter had several different questions, so I assume that perhaps these are unanswered questions that he may have. I will answer the questions in this post it’s not like he’ll ever read it anyway it’s all about healing. Healing is a great thing.

When my ex ask questions he always wants it done with a “simple yes or no” well things aren’t always that easy.  The paragraph starts with,”Let me ask you these questions because it seems that I am not getting a straight answer from you just answer these questions with a yes or no let’s keep it simple.” Do you still want to be with me? Do you even miss me? Do you love me? Why don’t you ever say that you love me? Do you regret being with me? When my ex got locked up, it made me very angry. I wanted an intact family, and it got destroyed, so I was mad for a long time. When he went away to prison in 2007, I called about the status, and when the lady told me 240 months, I was devastated. My world came crashing down life that I knew had changed. I’m no different from other mothers I wanted the house with the white picketed fence things were ruined in a blink of an eye. At the time I did miss him, it wasn’t about the financial help our sons were growing up without him. He missed out on a massive chunk of our children’s lives so many memories he will never have. Did I love him ever yes I did? I will always have some love for him. Real women are in touch with their feelings, and they keep it 100. It’s amazing how people can’t see how a person loved them. I showed it and told him that too. I never regretted being with my ex; it took him to make our two sons. Our sons are like a replica of us; it’s quite astonishing. I never regretted him, and I never will.

I believe that closure can only happen when things are faced, or we will continue to think about things and reliving situations that have been long over. Being stuck in the past only robs the present, which is a gift. I can’t change what happened, but I have forgiven my ex as well as let go of lots of anger. My ex needs to let go of his anger too because there’s no sense in it. I pray for my ex’s salvation because he doesn’t believe in Christ. I pray that God powerfully touches his heart. For him to have a blessed a life, he has to let go of the anger and the hate it will only poison all of his relationships, including the ones with our children. Taking the same old bricks into a new relationship will only destroy it and I don’t want our children to ever blame themselves. Father God touch my ex’s heart so it will soften and he let’s You in so that You can give him a new start. Lord You know that I mean every word and it’s coming from the heart. Please handle it Father God everything is in Your Hands. I thank You in advance. Amen.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things passed away; all things are become new.

What Is Most Important?

Everyone is different so everyone seek different things when it comes to a potential mate. What they seek separates us from who’s right for us and who’s not. I believe that there is somebody for everybody because God made it so. I was watching an interview pertaining to relationships and  people’s choices in a mate. It was quite interesting. To me nobody knows everything but everybody knows something that we can learn from. We just have to be open to learning. Anyway on with the story there was a lady speaking saying that she cares about what a man has to offer financially. She mentioned nothing else accept the man being really tall. I found that to be very disturbing though it shouldn’t have. Most people care about money men and women. My question is what happens when the person can not provide or they get sick. The world is filled with selfish people. Don’t get me wrong I want to live comfortable too. Comfortable for me are my bills being paid, a nice place to live it could be an apartment, townhouse etc it doesn’t have to be a mansion. You get where I’m  coming from and I mean what I am saying. Some people care about looks and that’s fine. It’s just isn’t good to care too much about things that don’t matter very much. They change over time eventually.

For me I want my Boaz to be smart, kind hearted, respectful, loyal a natural born leader someone I can trust. These things are actually pretty hard to find. I’m a leader but a woman is not suppose to lead it’s  a man place. Being a true leader is knowing how to be a great follower. Of course no leader will allow just anyone to lead them. It’s like giving a person a map that they can not read that’s definitely setting yourself up for failure. You’ll be stranded in the middle of nowhere fast. I love Courage the Cowardly Dog but nowhere doesn’t look like a cool place to live. I’m not glutton for punishment. At my age I am realistic, I have sons therefore I don’t expect to find a man my age without children. That’s just a selfish mentality. To be honest I really don’t have everything down to an exact science of what I  am  looking for in my Boaz. Not looking in the first place God has the situation covered already. I do know that I want the love of the old couples who fought for their love. Everyone wants to learn from them a true romance story.