Without Fear

I have been trying to come up with
The right words to say to you
I don’t want to scare you away
But at the same time I fear
If I wait too long
You will be gone
Like the way a flower
Is admired for it’s beauty
Human beings can also recognize
Someone as astonishing as you
In today’s society
People are made to feel like
It’s wrong to speak about
What is in their hearts
Well I will say how I feel
You are attentive
You are God fearing
You are a strong believer
You are courageous
Because even though you have
Been hurt you are not
Afraid to love again
You are amazing to me
You have a big heart
Few meaningful words can describe you
Not even Hallmark
Would know where to start
You are not ordinary
Which is why you are
So very special to me
Life is short
And more often then not
We allow windows of opportunities to close
Nothing good hangs around forever
That is why we must cease the moment
I just want you to know
That somewhere in this big world
Whether it’s a cloudy sky
A blue sky
Or a starry sky
I am thinking of you
And praying for you too
I want to be the highlight
Of your day
To be the one who puts
A big smile on your face
To be the one who fills the void
In a empty space
That can never be replaced
I want to make lasting memories with you
I want to be your dream come true
You deserve the best
All I want to do is show you
Let’s love one another without fear

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The Letter

My life keeps getting more and more interesting by each and every minute. I’m a huge fan of the movie Immortal Beloved it’s based on the life of Beethoven. There are so many parts of the movie I love the actor Gary Oldman did a fantastic job. Gary Oldman brought the movie to life he’s a brilliant actor underrated for sure. This movie came out in 1994 perhaps my top favorite thing besides the music was a letter that Beethoven wrote to the woman that he truly loved. Ahhhhh yes I love the words “ever thine ever mine ever ours”  words from a great man. I know what you are thinking what is Tameeka talking about now? I’ll be getting to that in a minute. My ex and I are like polar opposites it’s the truth. I don’t hate him I just look back at what we had as a life lesson. It is what it is. The posts that I write are to encourage and inspire somebody. I believe that there is someone somewhere who’s going through what I am going through. Anyway back on topic.

It’s amazing when you are trying to move on things from the past fall out of nowhere. I found a letter written by my soon to be ex husband from five years ago. That’s right five years ago. I think the purpose of the letter is for closure. It wasn’t about the letter being from him it was about what was in it. He wrote me many different letters it’s weird that this one suddenly appears. Out of all the letters written why this one I have moved from one address to another and this letter pops up. The letter had several different questions so I assume that perhaps these are unanswered questions that he may have. I will answer the questions in this post it’s not like he’ll ever read it anyway it’s all about closure. Closure is definitely a great thing.

When my ex ask questions he always wants it done with a “simple yes or no” well things aren’t always that easy.  The paragraph starts with,”Let me ask you these questions because it seems that I am not getting a straight answer from you just answer these questions with a yes or no let’s keep it simple”. Do you still want to be with me? Do you even miss me? Do you love me? Why you ain’t never  say that you love me? Do you regret being with me? When my ex got locked up it made me very angry. I wanted an intact family and it got destroyed so I was angry for a long time. When he was sentenced in 2007 I called about the status and when the lady told me 240 months I was devastated. My world came crashing down life that I knew had changed. I’m no different from other mothers I wanted the house with the white picketed fence things were ruined in a blink of an eye. At the time I did miss him it wasn’t about the financial help our sons were growing up without him. He missed out on a huge chunk of our children’s lives so many memories he will never have. Did I love him ever yes I did. It’s amazing how people can’t see how a person loved them. I showed it and told him that too. I never regretted being with my ex it took him to make our two sons. Our sons are like an exact replica of us it’s quite astonishing. I never regretted him and I never will.

I believe that closure can only happen when things are faced or we will continue to think about things and reliving things that have been long over. Being stuck in the past only robs the present which is a gift. I can’t change what happened but I have forgiven my ex as well let go of lots of anger. My ex needs to let go of his anger as well because there’s no sense in it. I pray for my ex’s salvation because he doesn’t believe in Christ. I pray that God touches his heart in a mighty way that the next marriage he has is a blessed one. In order for him to have a blessed union he has to let go of the anger and the hate it will only poison all of his relationships including the ones with our children. Taking the same old bricks into a new relationship will only destroy it and I don’t want our children to ever blame themselves. Father God touch my ex’s heart so it will soften and he let’s You in so that You can give him a new start. Lord You know that I mean every word and it’s coming from the heart. Please handle it Father God everything is in Your Hands. I thank You in advanced. Amen.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things passed away; all things are become new.

Dare To Dream

Don’t need a huge vocabulary

Many words have the same meaning

There’s no need to get all fancy

Just want to say that it’s

Okay to dream

As much as you want

God will make it happen

That’s what I was taught

Forget about what negative

People think

Make believe

Are the words of

The people who don’t

Want to see

It’s okay

Dare to dream

It may not happen

Over night

It may not

Happen at all

But at least

You know that

You tried right

Sometimes we start

In one direction

And wind up

On the opposite side

It may take that

For what is

Destined to be

Never be afraid

To Dream

It can become

A reality

But you have

To want it

So begin

Allow nothing to stop you

 

 

 

Dreaming Of You

My dreams are like a

Beautiful getaway to Spain

I day dream of being swept away

On the wings of a beautiful dove

You are the only one

Whom I want to dream of

I dream just so

I can see your face

Don’t have to count sheep

All I have to do is close

My eyes and I drift off

To sleep very quickly

Your  face is tattooed in my mind

So you are not hard to visualize

When I close my brown eyes

I will be dreaming of you tonight

In this dream I will be

Holding you close

Like a bear hug

Never wanting to let you go

You are in my heart

Whether I am dreaming

Or wide awake

Every dream that I have

Of you the settings

Are always in a different place

A beach, a park, Paris

In my dreams we talk

We are happy and smiling

Then for some reason

I begin to worry

Probably because I sense

That I soon will be awake

Then you whisper to me

That it’s okay

That you won’t be away

For too long

Night time will come quickly

Then I  will be back to sleep

So I dream

And we can meet