depression

Depression

I have always been a huge fan of Linkin Park. Today is Chris Cornell’s birthday and it’s also the day that Chester Bennington passed away.

Chester was a close friend of Chris Cornell’s he sang at his funeral. Apparently the death of Chris hurt him deeply and so he became depressed.

It doesn’t matter who you are depression can happen to anyone. I am praying for anyone who may be battling depression. Depression is a tough battle that seems like it is never-ending.

Praying for Chris Cornell’s and Chester Bennington’s family.

May Chris and Chester rest in peace.

African Americans and Mental Illness

Between the internet and google there are a lot of social media psychiatrists and psychologists, applying mental disorders to people like sticky notes or bumper stickers. News flash!!! Psychiatrists go to college for years and still understand the importance of the DSM-5, which they must go by. Psychiatrists also use assessment tools, interviews, tests, and observation before diagnosing a person with a disorder. Psychiatrists understand the harm that can come from misdiagnosing and mislabeling people. It’s about matching a client’s syndrome to a disorder. Look internet doctors leave the job of diagnosing people to the professionals, after all they went to college for it.

We really have to be careful how we handle mental illnesses. People feel uncomfortable being honest about their battle with an mental illness. A lot of it has to do with the negative stereotypes associated with mental illnesses. Some people would rather suffer in silence instead of talking about their mental health.

The black community is very bad at not handling mental illness well. Years ago black people would spank children but mental illnesses can’t be beaten out of people. Some also believed in divine intervention, which is great however God also gave us common sense to go see a doctor. I believe that God uses people and guides doctors to help people as well. There are still a lot of people who needs to be educated not to be doctors but so they will know how to treat people. A person can have a disorder and still live a normal every day life without becoming unhinged.

Currently I am pursuing my Bachelor’s degree in Forensic Psychology and I am almost finished! With God’s help I plan on getting a Master’s degree in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling. Yaaaaaaay!!! It’s important to support people when it comes to mental illnesses because it’s their health. It’s about living well, with the right support and treatment it is possible.

When is Enough, Enough?

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said that “there comes a time when silence is a betrayal.” When is enough, enough? When is it best to be silent? When is it time to speak up? I started my blog to talk about the things that people think about but choose not to talk about for whatever reason.

Let me start by saying this; it doesn’t matter if you are a Christian, Muslim, Atheist, Agnostic or Whatever a person believes in!!! It’s a person’s right to believe what they choose!!! My point is that Everyone has been tested about when to speak and when to be silent.

God asked Moses to go to Pharaoh and tell him to let His People go. God had given Pharaoh many chances before sending many plagues and even the death of his son. However, Pharaoh was still stubborn. God asked Moses to speak. Guess who was attempting to stop Moses from speaking? It was Moses. Moses was afraid of speaking up. There have been many stories in the Bible, where God asked people to speak up.

If God calls on a Christian to speak, they had better do it; unless that Christian wants to end up in the belly of a whale. So no, God does not expect a Christian to be quiet all the time and to turn the other cheek. God has asked people to act, and that included speaking up.

There have been times when I was going to tell people my story, but God told me not to say anything and that my time for sharing my story is coming. How do I know that God told me not to say anything? He gave me confirmation. One of my Facebook friends tagged me in a post the following day of me contemplating on sharing my story. The post said, “Life is meant to be Lived. Fear is not an option when you know you were sent to Fly. Understand your Power; know that you are Greatness.” This lady is on fire for God and did not know what was on my mind. God had her relay a message. God told her to reach out to me. God told her to speak. So you see God has proven His existence to me time and time again.

Earth is not Heaven, so everyone isn’t going to be good, but Earth isn’t hell either we still experience the beauty of flowers, butterflies, blue skies and cool breezes. I understand that there are some people here on Earth who has made our lives to be almost unbearable. But God will have our backs, and He does have us speak. Yes, we are living in a society regardless of who they choose to follow for guidance, who are treacherous. Understand these jealous people who are our enemies study us more than they did for a test in school. Why? Because they see things that we don’t positive things that may threaten them. So they want to attack our character or try to attempt to have others question things. Some of our enemies pretend to know so much about us and know nothing at all. This can and has happened to anyone.

If we encounter or are in the company of people who try to silence us, we have to let them go. I refuse to need deep in scalding hot water and claim that I am shivering to make others happy. No, I am not making people comfortable, so they don’t have to deal with my pain. People who genuinely care won’t expect us to suffer in silence. Life is too short not to speak up to avoid confrontation. Because guess what? At times confrontation is necessary. Escapism is a temptation because it’s an easy fix.

I have had some Christians come after me and judge especially about the kinds of music that I listen to. I have had non-Christians judge me too claiming to be all open-minded and their minds be more narrow than the side of a ruler. Encouraging people to speak but doubt everything they shared with them (behind their backs of course). People don’t feel safe enough to share their stories, especially with people who will claim it isn’t true, which makes them seems like nosy people. Nosy people pretend to care to gain information. So we all have to be careful about sharing our life journey.

Bottom line confrontation is always going to feel uncomfortable. Sometimes we will have people tell us to be quiet even when the writing is on the wall. If it doesn’t feel right, then we have to speak up. Sometimes being silent is Not the answer, especially in the face of adversary. Confrontation is necessary.

The Pain Inside

People who aren’t fans will never

Understand they say that we idolize

They think that we are going overboard

For wanting you to receive

The proper recognition that you deserve

I mean who really thinks that what

Took place at the billboard awards

Was proper I mean it was absurd

A moment of silence that lasted

For like a blink of an eye

Because they don’t realize

How your music impacted our lives

How your music got us through

Very tough times

Through tears that we cried

Sometimes day and night

When there was no one in sight

Who we could trust or confide in

Without them passing judgement

People have absolutely no clue

About how the feeling of depression

Can seduce you

Thoughts of negativity

That swarms the mind

The worse part of it

Clueless people think that depression

Is of darkness

They truly have no idea

Depression just is

Anytime it can happen

Like at a finger’s snap

And no one is exempt

Women, men, teen, poor or rich

It swallows you into an abyss

It’s victims constantly

Long for freedom’s kiss

The pain hits hard like a fist

People must understand that no one

Willingly choose to feel like this

I’ve been depression’s victim

Feeling it squeeze the emotions

From out of my body

Had me walking around like a zombie

Thankful for your music

Coming to the rescue

Yes I smile

But behind it

Lies a pain

Like nothing that

I have ever felt before

I am mourning you

Crying the blues

Praying to God

Because I don’t know

What to do

This pain is killing me inside

No one will ever know the reason

Behind what I am feeling inside

I am trying hard to deal with

The pain right now

Is so unreal

Wishing that we had

More time to hear

More of your melodies

More time to enjoy

More memories

Of concerts, new music and videos

Now we are left with wondering

What another albums

Could have been in store

For us to enjoy

Why were you taken away

From us so soon

Your voice could sing any genre

Loved your covers of Billie Jean

And Nothing Compares 2 U

Your lyrics were always just

What we needed

Your music was everything

I say this with the utmost sincerity

From the looks of it

The pain that I am feeling ending

Appears to be nowhere in sight

People who aren’t fans

Will never understand

The treasure that was lost

For Chris

Music transcends race, age, gender and social class. Music can bring different people to together while they sing the same lyrics to a song. People who know me know that I listen to all kinds of music however rock music is my baby. I love rock music. The Seattle Scene was everything Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and Alice in Chains one can throw Candlebox up in there too. I had every cassette of the bands from the Settle Scene.  Growing up 1991 was a great year of music in April my mother brought me the cassette Temple of the Dog and in October Badmotorfinger. My mother brought me Motorvision on VHS of course it was the 90s. Man, kids of today will never know what it’s like to watch a VHS tape and be able to tell which parts were watched the most from constantly rewinding certain parts on a tape. On Motorvision I kept watching the part where Soundgarden performed Searching with My Good Eye Closed the energy was amazing!!!! I have been a fan of Soundgarden for more than half of my age. A lot of mainstream fans (not putting them down) think that Superunknown put Soundgarden on the map but it was Badmotorfinger actually. My favorite songs off Badmotorfinger are Rusty Cage, Outshined, Slaves and Bulldozers and Searching with My Good Eye Closed. As a teenager I battled with depression and music helped me out a lot. This is the reason why I was so heartbroken about Chris Cornell’s death. I am Not idolizing Chris Cornell and quite frankly I’m sick of people who make a person feel bad about sharing about how someone touched their life.

My birthday is May 17 and Chris Cornell died on my birthday it’s so sad. I remember my phone going off from an email that I received. The email said Audioslave and Soundgarden leader singer so I click on it to open it and found out about his passing. I feel so sorry for Chris Cornell’s wife and children as well as everyone whose lives that he touched. Chris Cornell voice was unique that could hit a high C vocal range and he was an amazing songwriter too. Chris wrote most of the songs of the groups that he was in. On the album Superunknown one of my favorite songs is “Fell on Black Days. Fell on Black Days written by Chris is about how he suffered from a severe case of depression during his teenage years rarely leaving the house. Chris once spent a whole year without leaving the house he played the guitar and drums. I could go on and on about Chris Cornell’s songs and his talent. In an interview with Launch Radio Networks, Chris Cornell said: “The ‘be yourself’ part really just came from a lot of things that I’ve gone through in my life and a lot of different changes and all the different tragedies and all the horrendously stupid mistakes I’ve made in my personal life, and wanting to be able to make up for those things and wanting to be able to not be ashamed, all that stuff. You know, that’s the one thing about getting older that’s better, and this song kind of says it so simply, to a degree that 10 years ago I would’ve been embarrassed to put it in a song ’cause it is so simple. But there it is.”

In the song “Show me how to live”, Chris Cornell asks for help from God, saying that He created him, but now needs his guidance. There are a few religious references in the song, including “Nail in my hand,” which is relates to the crucifixion of Jesus.

Near the end, Cornell created an interesting vocal effect by hitting his throat with the side of his hand to change the pitch of his voice

I went over to Chris Cornell’s website and read his thoughts about his tribute to Prince; he performed Prince’s song “Nothing Compares 2 U”. He said “Sadly now his own lyrics in this song could not be more relevant than at this moment, and I sing them now in reverence as I pay tribute to this unequaled artist who has given all of our lives so much inspiration and made the world so much more interesting.” Those words are exactly how I feel right now Chris Cornell there will never be another like you because “Nothing Compares 2 U.” I know that you sometimes “Fell on Black Days” wanted the “Black Hole Sun” to come but you continued “ Searching with Your Good Eye Closed” asked God to “Show You How to Live” while you continued to “Be Yourself”. You were an awesome artist Say Hello to Heaven.