Children

Happy Father’s Day

It’s not easy being a single parent, it’s something that no-one signs up for. Parenting isn’t about just the easy stuff like picking something from out the refrigerator for the children to eat or taking them to the park. Parenting is about the hard stuff too like staying up all night when a child gets sick or for me helping your autistic son to understand what puberty is. Indeed, parenting can become a frustrating job at times and some mothers want to claim father’s day too.

Believe it or not there are a lot of excellent fathers who are in their children’s lives. Some fathers are still with the mothers of their children and are a positive entity. There are fathers who weathered the storm of the ups and downs in a relationship or marriage. There are also fathers who aren’t with the mothers of their children but his presence is still felt. There are fathers who don’t only see their children on holidays but often. There are fathers who take their children to school who knows their children favorite foods and colors. There are fathers who are making memories with their children not just making children who dream of seeing them. There are fathers who don’t just pay child support and feel that’s enough. There are fathers who put their children first and it stays that way regardless of whatever happens.

There are fathers who want to see their children but can’t. There are fathers who are single parents too. Is it really okay to rob the excellent fathers of their day because some of the mothers are in their feelings? Mothers day is in May. Father’s day is in June. Single parents day is in March we must understand the difference. Happy Father’s day to all of the great fathers around the world you are appreciated truly. Blessings!

The Child Support Hustle

Oh, do it. Oh, do it Do it. Do the hustle, do the hustle. Do the hustle, do the hustle. Do the hustle. Oh, do it. Oh, do it. Do it. Do the child support hustle. I’m sorry but I just couldn’t resist because it’s so funny to me how some men can come up with anything excuse as an attempt to dodge their responsibilities. Anyway I hear lots of guys call child support a woman’s hustle. Like dude you guys cannot be serious. Are you?
I’ve heard some guys say to women for them to “choose better” when they get involved with a guy. As if I guy is going to introduce himself like “Hello my name is loser. I’m going to sell you a bunch of dreams, impregnate you and be a dead beat father.” Oh if only things were that simple there would be less broken homes.
As I always say that I don’t put black men down but I am not making excuses for the ones who are not right either. We have to call a spade out when we see one. There are some men who get a woman pregnant to tie her down. There are some men who pay child support but don’t want to be a father to their children. There are some men who don’t want to pay child support nor be a father to their children either. What boggles me is that must people in the black community have come from broken homes. Why don’t people in the community want to break the chain of broken homes instead of adding more links? We’ve seen what’s it’s like to grow up in a broken home and we know as well as understand the pain.
I get so tired of guys calling child support a hustle. Like a woman didn’t make a child alone and yeah don’t forget dude it’s your responsibility regardless. I don’t receive child support for my two sons by the way and  I won’t touch that subject…for now anyway. Attacking black mothers isn’t going to change the fact that a man has to pay child support. Most times when a woman takes child support out on the father he was given many opportunities to do right but he didn’t.
No woman want to go through going to court to make a father do what is right. Think about it when a father gets behind on child support the child gets like really nothing. So who’s losing here? The child. If you ask me it’s some of these fathers running a hustle because they are skipping out on their responsibilities. Some of these fathers need to bust a move and take care of their children or just use protection. It’s just that simple.

The Pain of Divorce

I absolutely cannot stress this enough divorce is a humongous deal. In the past  I have opened up about my separation and possible divorce. Divorce is ugly period it’s never good because it affects so many people especially the children. What  I can’t stand about certain situations like divorce people want to be private so they suffer in silence. Recently I saw a heartbreaking post on Facebook about a woman who was going through a divorce. She would post about the pain of her divorce apparently it wasn’t received well amongst some of her Facebook friends. To make a long story short she had no one to turn to and so she took her life. I feel so sorry for her children this will make it even harder for them.

At times I get so sick of this horrible world with the heartless people in it. I know that there’s a God and  I know that He’s sitting on His throne. God will correct the wrongs and heal the hurting hearts. I know that none of us are God but if you come across a hurting person be kind always. The best thing that we all can do once we have done everything that we can is pray.

Father God In Heaven,

My prayer to You is to please guide people to marry the right people. Once You bring two people together have it so that they understand the vows that You made. Have it rooted in the married couples that at times better could become worse, that sickness may come, that they can have it all one day and lose it all the next. Father God help them to stay strong in You. Have a married couple understand that tough times don’t last but tough people do. Father God on the days when one of them become unlovable have their love for You to be more stronger so that it will keep their marriage together. Have a married couple to take their eyes off of the world and fixed on You. This wicked world at times has no concept of the beauty of marriage Father God only You can keep a marriage strong. I pray also for the couples who are separated may their marriage be restored and that they come back together stronger than ever. Father God I know that You hate divorce. I pray that You remove the word divorce as a go to as a way to solve a marriage problem. Have every marriage experience many years of happiness and their children too. Most of all thank You Father God for all that You do and what You are about to do. In Jesus Precious Name

Amen

Sexual Abuse in The Church

Bishop Eddie Long passed away today and there are mixed feelings about it. Let me start off by saying  I don’t care about the denomination sexual abuse is wrong. Sexual abuse is deep beneath the skin it’s a sin issue. The church is a place where everyone is suppose to feel and be safe. Bishop Eddie Long molested young boys in his church. I pray that he got right with God and repented. The problem with the church is the wrong people are leading and people are following blindly.

We have to understand that no one is exempt from falling in our faith so we must remain humble always. We have to stay on fire with God it requires us to stay connected with those who are burning. I want people to let me know if  I am doing wrong  I want to be right for God. Back on topic there is a lot of perversion going on in the church but no one wants to discuss it. When Eddie Long victims spoke about the abuse they were treated like suspects. I watched his victims do an interview they were so broken. Sexual abuse causes a whole lot of damage not just to the ones who are abused. I feel sorry and prays for Eddie Long’s family. We must speak up about abuse it’s time to quit being silent.

Many people don’t speak up out of fear of being attacked. The words that  I speak aren’t mine they are from the Bible. I am not judging Eddie Long only God can do that. Our children are innocent we must protect them it’s our duty.

Luke 9:23 – And he said to [them] all, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me

Culture Awareness

Recently I finished a course in Intercultural Competence and it taught me a lot of new things when it comes to interacting with different cultures. In order to become aware of other cultures it helps to become aware of your own. I have learned that once we understand others cultures; we can then appreciate them, establish a relationship and build an alliance. To build a strong community it takes a large number of people to make it work. Each culture is unique and has perspectives and strengths that any community can benefit from. Having an understanding of every culture can help us to overcome as well as avoid ethnic and racial divisions. A community can win when people don’t struggle with the vision of what a fair, moral and harmonious society is. There are many cultures and of course many of us would like to know about them all a good way to start is finding out about who lives in our community, the kind of diversity that already exists, the struggles that exist between the cultures, the struggles that are openly recognized and the kinds of issues that the different cultures have in common.

When it comes to having a community that is united there certain steps that should be taken and there are things that should not be done as well. Let’s use the African-American culture as an example there has been a lot of bad things that have taken place. There is still a lot of hurt that has turned into anger which is present in America to this very day. Even though I am an African-American one thing is true making people feel guilty for what their ancestors have done hundreds of years ago will not help diversity to become effective. People tend to change when they don’t feel condemned or guilt tripped. One day I saw a post from a Facebook friend she actually apologized for what her ancestors had done hundreds of years ago and I commented telling her that it was unnecessary. It may come as a shock to many but I get called names a lot like sellout and even accused of not being true to my culture. I have gotten slammed on several occasions all because of my views. My Christian beliefs help to keep me hopeful no matter how a situation looks like. In my opinion when it comes to bring cultures together everyone must be included, a solution of what can be done to solve the issues with hope of getting it done together is a huge step into the right direction. Having a strong community can only happen by  people working together from every culture this will help to build a strong relationship that has a core.

As I have written in the beginning getting to know one’s own culture and other cultures builds bridges that can connect people in addition recognizing the differences is important too. Many times people don’t want to recognize cultures differences out of fear that it may cause division however it’s actually on the contrary. Learning about other cultures can actually bring people closer together. When people are aware of other cultures they learn how to interact without negativity happening. A mind closed mind is not open to knowledge and so ignorance grows. It’s important that we all keep in mind that regardless of our cultures being different we all have feelings,we are human beings and we are all God’s Children.

Galatians 3:26

For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.

My Greatest Gifts

Merry Christmas to Everyone!!!

I’m not crying the blues; however, being a single parent is tough; that’s a reality. All  I want like most single parents is for my parenting skills to have the effects of a two parent home. I love my two sons with everything that  I have. When  I write papers in class, I always speak of how the ultimate gift of parenting is how your children turn out and how they choose to raise their children like how they were raised.

This year  I was blessed to be able to give my sons some great gifts still  I was going to talk like  I always do with my youngest son about Christmas. As  I have shared, my youngest has autism, so things have to be repeated a lot until he grasps it. I walked in the bedroom with my youngest, and he goes to Jesus the reason for the season. The tears just started to stream down my face even with his disability; he understands what Christmas is what an awesome gift that was for me to receive. I want to thank God every day I pray for the best for my sons; one of the things that  I want them to have the most is for them to have a relationship with Christ. I have instilled into my children that without Christ, we are nothing so never leave Him out of anything. It’s not Happy Holidays, Xmas; it’s Merry Christmas always, Christ is to be kept in everything always. When we allow God to lead our paths, we can’t go wrong, and things can only go right.

The second gift that  I received was a letter from my oldest son he wrote:

I love you mom

Merry Christmas mom your love is more powerful than a nuclear bomb. You’re better than the rest. You are a fighter and a great provider. You are so smart. You get A’s on your school work, and I am proud to call you my mom. I pray that you have lots of success because you deserve it. Merry Christmas mom I love you very much!

I want to thank Christ for all that He has done and what He continues to do. God is the reason why I made it this far in life and with raising my sons.

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Wedding Rings

I truly believe that healed people heal others; that’s why  I don’t mind discussing events that have taken place in my life; I pray that it helps someone else. Think about the Bible; everyone in it had some sort of battle that they all overcame with God’s help, of course. God wanted us to see ordinary people tackle everyday problems with the help of an extraordinary God!

Back on topic, it seems like every channel I watch is promoting commercials about wedding rings, it’s Christmas, which is the time when most people get engaged. A wedding ring though it is a small piece of jewelry it’s meaning is very significant. A wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger on the left hand because it was believed that the vein in the fourth finger ran directly to the heart. It’s sad that some people don’t take wearing their wedding rings seriously, which is the reason marriage end it’s not taken seriously. Marriage is a covenant and not a contract; God intended it to last for a lifetime. A marriage can only survive on the foundation that is Christ-based, loving freely, and unconditionally committing. Marriage is not something that we pick and choose to do when we want to. I wish that  I knew these things years ago. I sure hope that this help someone somewhere.

So marry the person who you can’t see yourself without. Marry the person who is your best friend. Marry the person who regardless of who comes along your love, reminds strong.  Marry the one who you can’t stop thinking about or talking to. Marry the one who makes you better and even when you don’t feel your best; they treat you like you are. Marry the one that even if the ring came from a bubble machine, they would wear it proudly.

Wear your wedding ring always it’s not about the value of it but about the person whom you are married to for they are priceless.

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Genesis 2:24

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Cuffing Season

I’m a very positive person still you have to speak truth. Sometimes when you speak truth some people don’t want to receive it that’s fine come back to my blog when you are ready to. I write about things that are thought about and on this post I want to discuss cuffing season.

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Now I know what you are thinking what is Tameeka talking about now??!!! Well I’ll tell you cuffing season is when people try to cuff others and it’s Not out of love so don’t confuse the two. If a person hasn’t contacted you springtime nor summer but want to now you should wondering why. Sometimes when others are treating us wrong we think that it’s a reflection of ourselves but it isn’t it’s quite the opposite. We still have to be honest to keep us from enduring unnecessary pain. Just because a person is with you physically doesn’t mean that they are mentally remember home is where the heart is. Who needs a dude texting another woman while you are sleeping and some woman may want to fool herself if a man is doing sneaky things like that it’s not love believe me when I tell you.

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I understand that sometimes we get lonely it’s human but we don’t want to allow a season to mess us up for a lifetime. God will send the right one but it can’t happen if you are with the wrong one. Any person cuffing you during cuffing season is the wrong one. Trust God. In our times of weakness it’s best to pray.

He Showed Me

As I have shared, I am a Christian woman who is on the brink of divorce. Divorce is not right; it affects everyone that’s involved in one way or another, especially the children. Divorce is hard because when you get married, the goal is for it to last forever. I’m very old fashioned, so I was kicking myself the whole time about ever entertaining the thought of divorce. In the beginning, I did what I could to get past the idea of divorce. Besides me feeling like the marriage was a failure what’s more important than my feelings?? God’s, of course, God hates divorce. Even though in the law, it’s written that for specific reasons, God allows divorce the way He feels about divorce is quite the opposite.

The other day I watched a video about divorce that was confirmation so now I am set free about my failed marriage. While I was devastated about things before I have since let go and let God. Believe it or not, good things have come out of my failed marriage. I have grown so much, and I want to help other people before marriage and during too. Marriage is nothing like a relationship; it’s essential for people to understand the seriousness of it. Marriage is far more than a piece of paper if you get involved with a person that thinks that way then you need to find out why.

I have a lot of advice while everyone is different; there are still many things that are the same when it comes to marriage. Number one always treat your spouse with respect, never disrespect them in front of others, and never speak against them to others, even your parents. Number two communicate no one is born a mind reader, so if something is bothering you say it. Number three once you are married, forget the single-minded mentality you are one money and all. When it comes to money, always let your spouse know about all spending and lending. I know people have a crisis, but let your spouse know when you are helping someone. Number four always be loving to your King and Queen I know that life gets busy but still make time for your spouse this is the person whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. Number five above everything keep God first. God gives structure to our lives; I don’t care what anybody says or thinks if God were in my marriage, things would have been better. God is needed; therefore,e He must be consulted about everything. A family that prays together stays together.

I am praying for everyone who is about to get married, who are married and those who are maybe experiencing problems. My prayer is that everyone turns to God for help. There is no problem that He can not solve. I don’t ever want anyone to feel as I do being thankful for a video for confirmation. If I had God as the foundation of the marriage, things would have been different. I’m okay with being able to share my story as a way to help others. I pray that my post will help somebody. God bless everyone. Always keep God number one.

A Noose Around A Brother’s Neck

Yes child support is for children of every race this is understood. I am writing this pertaining to a video.So there’s a guy whose video that I came across on YouTube claiming that child support is a noose around a black man’s neck. The guy who made the video claimed that it was a way to keep a black man down. Let me start off by saying two things one is that the guy is biased against women and two as long as I watch YouTube I will not run out of things to write about. Feeling the way that I felt I still watched the video in it’s entirety and it interested me so much that I had to blog about. Just couldn’t pass up this topic it is a hot one. 

There are so many stories that I have pertaining to mothers, fathers and child support. The situation has plenty of blame to go around. It’s ashame that the government has to get involved to make a parent do right. Yes there are some women who pay child support however it’s mostly men. It makes me upset when people starts to point fingers just do what you are suppose to do as a parent. When you get involved with a person think are they a person that you can see yourself marrying or having children with them? If the answer is no then don’t risk the chance of being tied to that person with a lifetime commitment.  Are there some spiteful money hungry women who use the money on other things besides their children? Yes but you saw the signs there are always signs you just choose to ignore the red flags. Am I saying that a person deserves to be stressed out forever with drama? No but don’t take a chance and gamble. When a person shows you who they are believe them.

Indeed there is a time to be private and there’s a time to help with your story. Imagine if no one shared their testimonies and stories it’s important to encourage as many people as we can. It may help someone out and that’s an awesome thing. As I have shared I am a single parent of two sons and I am doing as best as I can WITHOUT child support. My children’s father was in prison for basically ten years and I did NOT put him on child support. Even while a person is in prison they can be placed on child support I choose to opt out of that choice. My ex has been out since November and has Not seen his children after ten years. Does it make me upset how he treats our children? Yes of course however I place things into God’s hands He will handle things. I’m Not spiteful here’s why I have Not sought child support the agent would throw him back into jail and that doesn’t do either one of us any good. I’m giving him time to get on his feet and an opportunity to do what he can however I have a time limit trust me.

Let’s look at things like this why would a person try to hurt another? Perhaps there are still feelings there I do Not have feelings for my ex it’s about our children. Our children have been through enough and do Not deserve any additional heartache. If you love your children make it about your children Not about your ex. The children did not ask to come here. Some of you mothers quit trying to hurt the father by digging into his pockets in the hopes that no woman will want him because we all know that it won’t happen. Fathers child support is not worth more than time spent with your children. Call your children more often, visit them, and yes you can date as well as move on however take your children with you. Our ex is our past but our children are a lifetime commitment honor it  and don’t ever forget that. Put your grownup pants on and co-parent properly.