Love Isn’t

If I see another commercial for the new show Love is, I am going to scream. Love is a new show that will be on OWN the commercial is being played in heavy rotation. It looks like it’s about struggle love and well I won’t be watching it.

Guess who doesn’t seem to be enduring struggle love? Okay, I’ll give you a hint. The show Love is will be on her network. Yeap. Oprah. We all know goodness well that she wouldn’t take any kind of mess from no one especially from a man. She has been with Stedman for how many years? I’m pretty sure that she has never had to question Stedman’s love for her or take any kind of mistreatment. I bet he has proposed too. But she’s featuring struggle love on her network. Come on now.

We all know that most people mimic what they see on television. That’s why on commercials that displays crazy stunts there are small words on the bottom of the t.v screen saying please do not attempt because there are people who are silly enough to do it. Just look at the fire challenges and other crazy challenges.

Lets talk about what love isn’t it’s not a struggle because real love shouldn’t be. I for one am not glutton for punishment. Yeah I said it. One have to question their self-esteem if they are willing to put up with mistreatment. Some things are by choice whether we choose to accept this or not.

When I watch Maury and the women be on the show talking about the reasons why they feel that their men are cheating. I be thinking to myself how much more proof do you need? Why do you need a lie detector test? The boyfriend or husband is then brought on stage to tell their lie I mean their side of the story. Maury reads the results that these women already knew. Sometimes these men make out with a decoy knowing it’s a set-up but they don’t care. The women run backstage crying while the men are looking all stupid in the face and some be snickering. Why should it be such a power struggle between what you deserve and why you choose to settle for less? I just don’t get it.

What is going on? Now a days it’s about how much abuse is a person willing to take to prove their love, it’s crazy to me. We teach people how to treat us. A person who truly loves you would never want to see you hurt.
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Bottom line when you force yourself to be with someone who isn’t meant for you, you’re only prolonging what is meant. People have to know their worth and go for what they deserve. If you are feeling more hurt than love then you already know what to do, let it go.

The Headaches of Dating Interracially

The other day I saw a post from a white lady that said:

“Dear Black men and black women,
Why is that when love joins two people together of different races does this become a problem with you? You say that you love and serve God yet your hatred from the unity of two people in love says differently. God didn’t teach this. If you hate on others it is like hating yourself. Stop that. Stop creating problems where there is no problem. Leave people to live, love and to be free. It’s as simple as that. I love you all and God loves you most. Be good and kind to each other. As God says love one another as you love ourselves. Amen”

I have nothing against this lady she’s wonderful but she really got me to thinking. Especially about people’s true thoughts on interracial dating. On Youtube videos of Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex they are filled with hateful words some are from white people who are calling her racist names. Meghan is half black and half white, yet they look at her as being completely black. Which to me is racist. Why can’t Meghan be seen for the person that she is? Racist people can’t do it, that’s why.

Now I am not sure of what exactly she saw that made her post this. However, I could give a hill of beans about who black men date or marry. I am not into black men and they can date whomever they choose. I hope that they feel the same way about black women too. It’s crazy to me. This lady addressed black people it’s highly doubtful that she saw Chelsy Davy’s face. Please don’t tell me that it was just because Harry was getting married either. In case a reminder is needed of Chelsy’s expression at Prince Harry and Meghan’s wedding. Her facial impression was so apparent that it produced a sea of memes.
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I remember when a white guy that I was talking to said that everyone is a little racist. I’m not sure whether or not that it’s really true. I do know by this lady making a post it could mean a few things mostly that she saw something that a black person did.

If we look at the rate that black men date out people are used to it. Most people are used to seeing black men with women of other races. Black women are just becoming comfortable with opening up their dating options. I have experience dating white men and I have gotten stares from black men as well as white women. So it’s not a black people thing only, it’s a racial thing that shows when people of different races are dating.
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He’s My Baby Daddy

I wanted to hurry up and post this before father’s day because I don’t want to ruin the day with this news. Unless you have been living under a rock, then you may have heard about the baby daddy greeting card Target drama. Yes, I call it drama because the situation is totally unnecessary. I don’t understand some of the people of my race. How come it’s okay for some of us to come up with words or be able to say certain words to one another but the minute a white person says it they are racist? Yeah, I said it. For instance, the “n” word is a very offensive word, but some black people call one another that. Now stay with me. I’m about to make a huge point.

I recently took a class, and the subject came up about what is acceptable language socially. Long story short it was agreed upon that if it’s not acceptable socially, then it should not be expressed verbally publicly. Still, what is offensive? I have never liked the phrase “baby daddy.” I would cringe when I would hear some females say, “oh, he’s just my baby, daddy.” There is nothing cool about having a baby daddy or for some mothers, baby daddies. This phrase was supposed to be the new in words like “fleek” a word that I wish would go far away!!!
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Some classes were being taught in school about Ebonics. It was shown so that other races of people could understand the blending of words ebony, aka black and phonics sounds. The Britannica describes it as “a form of American English used in the home or for day-to-day communication rather than for formal occasions.” The Merriam-Webster refers to “baby daddy” as slang.

The Urban Dictionary defines “baby daddy” as a father of a woman’s child that she is not involved with” The sentence used to explain the meaning of the words went something like this “Who is that? “Girl two.” That’s my dumb baby daddy”. So if this word is in the urban dictionary and it’s being used in heavy rotation, what’s the big deal about the “baby daddy” greeting card?

Target is a retail department store that was trying to “target” or appeal to the people who uses this phrase. I feel that it’s beyond ridiculous that they had to apologize for a greeting card. The greeting card was sighted as being “racially insensitive.” How is a greeting card with “baby daddy” in it being racially insensitive? It was a phrase invented by a person or people of the black race. For goodness, sakes. How is a “baby daddy” card racist? I wonder what the race of the person who made the card was? And what kind of father’s day cards would mothers who aren’t involved with their children’s fathers deem to be appropriate? I guarantee that many of them refer to their children’s fathers as their “baby daddy.” Frankly, I just don’t get it. Here’s what was inside of the greeting card:
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I could be wrong, but I think that when something sheds light on the bad things that are usually celebrated within the black community that should not be. The reality of dysfunction becomes real then all of a sudden it comes off as being “racist” because the dysfunction of what is going on in the black community is being exposed even if it’s done unintentionally. Getting all up in an uproar behind a greeting card shows that the truth hurts.

Are We Obligated?

More and more I am seeing other people in my race asking this question “Are we obligated”. Just because we share the same skin color doesn’t mean that we support or think the same way.

I have always thought differently from the black collective. No, I don’t support things that will cause division. If a black person says people can support who they want in politics or people can love who they choose. They had better get ready for the pushbacks and attacks. The main attacks are the name calling and the public humiliation. It’s all silencing tactics and frankly no I don’t want to align myself with people who will attack as soon as you don’t agree about something.

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Here are the facts, yes white people have done things in the past but Not to me directly, the people who hurt me the most look like me. During the month of black history, there needs to be more honesty about what the black race did to each other.

In my opinion, we can never move forward as a race without placing the blame where it belongs. Everything isn’t the white people’s fault. Sorry but not sorry. I’m just being honest.

I Get It Now

Yesterday on Facebook I spoke out against gun control. I’m so thankful for my blog because it reminds me of the reason why I started it. People always tell me to speak for myself but when I do, I end up hitting someone’s nerve. I’m all for people having their own opinions but I can’t tolerate dealing with people who can’t see anything else, a debate becomes a headache instantly.

The post that I wrote said,” Everyone wants to talk about gun control but no one wants to talk about broken homes”. Oh! Why did I say that?! Here comes the backlash!

Everyone wants to talk about mass murders but no one wants to talk about what started it all prior to the person pulling the trigger. Bullying, delinquent associates, substance abuse, untreated mental illnesses and so forth all goes back to a child’s upbringing. Poor family relations and poor parental supervision are some of the reasons for the lack of parental intervention. No one wants to address the potential risk and need factors before the violence occurs.

Now please don’t misunderstand me I am sorry for the lives that were lost in violent crimes. I just don’t feel that gun control is the solution. People want a quick fix to more than likely a problem that they may have helped to contribute to. Its let’s take the guns away but don’t talk about poor home training. Everything isn’t a microwave fix sometimes a stove has to be used. Modern times have spoiled some people, they want quick fixes without putting in the work.

No one wants to talk about some women not using birth control or caring about the kind of partner they are having children with (who will soon be absent). The crazy thing is that some of the very people who support abortion feel that it’s okay to take away a person’s right to bear arms.

Like I said, “it’s all fun and games to talk about taking away someone else’s right until it’s something that they care about”. I’m being honest some of the black people who are for gun control because of the mass shootings are the same ones who get upset when black on black crime is mentioned. Some black people want to talk about the crazy white kid who committed mass murder but doesn’t care about a black kid being shot on the street corner. That’s when the snitches get stitches come in to play and no one says a word that could help to solve a murder. Some black people are selective about certain causes. Yes. I said it. They rather talk about the broken homes happening overseas. They don’t want to talk about the 72% out of wedlock rate that is climbing. The children born out of wedlock will want to know where they came from and why their parent is absent. It is selfish for adults to mess up as parents and expect their children to be okay. There are no do-overs in parenting it’s easier to fix a damaged kid than a broken adult. These broken people go out into the world, become society’s problem and sometimes people get hurt.

I am convinced more than ever that everything that I experienced growing up has lead up to this moment. I used to be ashamed about the pain from my childhood but now I want to help others. I get it now my past has molded me and now I am speaking out.

While growing up in a broken home
All I ever wanted
Was if I was blessed to become a mother
That my children would not experience
The same thing
My father was abusive
My mother struggled
She did her best of raising me
More important than the
Time spent, home cooking, cooking lessons
Was teaching me about Christ,
Responsibility and accountability
People say that the best way
To reach others is to be
Able to relate
To their pain
To their upbringing
I get it now
Everything that happened in my life
Was meant for something greater
People speak of gun control
But no one wants to speak
About the dysfunction
That is produced from a broken home
Serial killers, mass murders, bombers,
Black on black crime, terrorist etc.
All of these people are apart of situations
Where innocent people were killed
Not all by guns
When people want to kill
They don’t always use guns
One way or another
They will find a way to get it done
They will do what they set out to do
It’s time for me
To speak the truth
Being silent
There is no use
I get it now

Go Ahead

It never ceases to amaze me. The moment I share that I enjoy heavy metal a pop quiz always follows with a continuation of questionnaires. How long have you been listening to metal? I was talking about the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the person was like, what is the leader of the band’s name? Like really dude? If it was hip-hop would I be given the third degree? Geez, I didn’t know that listening to certain music came with stipulations.

When some black people find out they swear that I don’t listen to metal. Whatever dude. Black people were the pioneers of rock music, so get over it. I am a black woman who enjoys listening to heavy metal and I am Not alone. I try not to get triggered but I just hate labels. Labels suck!!! Don’t place them on me!
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I have been listening to heavy metal every since I was really young. Pantera, Korn, Arch Enemy, In this moment, new metal and old I am very knowledgeable. My love for music is genuine.

Half Baked

There once was a lady who I used to associate with who said something so profound. She said that “she was tired of a lot of black mothers sending their sons out into the world half baked expecting girlfriends and wives to finish baking them.” I never forgot her words. She said the words out of frustration due to the problems she was having out of her boyfriend at the time. He was always lying and cheating. The man was just an irresponsible person who cared nothing about his actions or the hurt that he inflicted upon others.

The one thing that I have learned from my criminal mind’s class is that everything starts at home. Most times, the foundation of a serial killer’s dysfunction is unhealthy home life. No, I am not justifying killing, I am pointing out how powerful family is. Jeffrey Dahmer’s mother abandoned him, Charles Manson’s mother rejected him, and the Son of Sam’s birth mother rejected him as well.

The sad thing about the black community is that dysfunction is the “norm” for some people. People have developed a high tolerance for toxic behavior, even finding it entertaining. People can’t complain about what’s going on in the community yet enjoy watching the same situations on television or jam to degrading lyrics to a song on the radio. Sza’s song “The Weekend” is okay to bob your head to until the woman who’s sharing the man is you. Heck!!! Some women are okay with sharing a man and not understanding that they deserve a man who will love them so much that he is faithful. Many young black women come from broken homes, so they weren’t taught about their worth.

No one wants to stay in a place that is filled with dysfunction, and so people want to leave it behind, which is fine and dandy. Sadly leaving the mess behind will not solve everything toxic problems have a way of effecting many eventually. A messed up community has a way of effect everyone in some way, shape, or form. Like a tsunami, crimes waves doesn’t just affect one area only; it ends up affecting a lot of innocent people — just something to think about.

All parents have to do their part to ensure that their wrong parenting decisions don’t become problematic for others. No matter how old our children get, they are still ours. They are a reflection of us. So whether we spoiled them as a way to compensate for an absentee father and doing so, they developed a feeling of entitlement. Or they are rewarding children constantly for no reason regardless of bad behavior. Every choice has consequences that can reap good or bad harvests.

Somewhere along the way in the past, people have failed their children and have to be honest about it. Some have put things like men or drugs above their children, scarring their children with rejection and abandonment issues and choosing to pick their wants over their children’s needs. It’s wrong to expect children to deal with adult issues and think that they will turn out fine.

Parents are children’s first heroes, don’t ruin it by placing zero value on parenthood. It’s priceless. Being a star to our children is a blessing. So as parents, we must do what it takes to make sure our children are productive people and are not damaged. We should love them enough that we make sure that we are never the reason for them having holes in their hearts. Being human is not an excuse to make hasty decisions that may harm others later. Remember that one life touches another, it’s essential that we raise our children in a way that they are a blessing and not a curse in other people’s lives. Everything starts at home, let’s not send our children out into the world half baked.

Pink Metal Head

I have to start by saying that I am stoked!!! Here on be lifted I talk about the things that we think about, but they spoke about. I have shared about my love for heavy metal mind you that I listen to all music; however, rock/heavy metal is my favorite. Ever since I was young, I have loved heavy metal!!! I grew up in a time where a black girl listening to heavy metal was unheard of, and I’m thankful that my mother allowed me to be free to listen to what I wanted to. It was no secret about my love for heavy metal. The first song that had me hooked on rock music was AC/DC “You Shook Me All Night Long,” which came out in 1980, the video was very cool. When Nine Inch Nails first came out in 1989 with “Head Like a Hole” I was hooked, and I have been a fan of their’s ever since. Trent Reznor and I both share the same birthday, May 17th baby!! Type O Negative has made an impact on me, and I love the band so much.

The reason why I bring up my love for heavy metal/rock music is that recently I came across a young black lady who loves heavy metal as I do. The you tuber’s name is pink metal head, and she’s 21 years old. It’s so refreshing to see young black ladies owning their identity unapologetically. She did share that there have been people who try to match a person’s race to music. Example that black people listen to hip hop and r & b only and that white people listen to heavy metal/ rock music only. The stereotypes seriously have got to go. Things had gotten a lot better from when I was growing up. Seeing more and more young black ladies, as well as men, appreciate heavy metal chokes me up. I just had to blog about it.
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Both of my sons listens to heavy metal/rock music; my youngest listens to everything that I do. My youngest son’s favorite bands are Metallica and Danzig. His favorite song by Metallica is “One,” and his favorite song by Danzig is “Mother.” Today my youngest and I was jamming to Pantera, Megadeath, White Zombie, Type O Negative, Metallica and the list goes on and on. With the younger generations tastes in music becoming more diverse, it’s the best feeling on Earth. I want to tell the youth of today that music transcends racial boundaries if you want to listen to country music go ahead I love Darius Rucker. I have been a fan of Darius Rucker every since he was the lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish. If you love hip hop and R & B, listen to it and if you love heavy metal/rock music, then jam on. If you love all music as I do, that’s great too. Whatever music that you choose to listen to, please do as long as you are you. Even our choices of music say a lot about who we are so doing what makes you happy as long as it isn’t hurting anybody. I’m proud of the upcoming heavy metal generation; it’s becoming more colorful; which is excellent.
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Does Every Kiss Really Begin With Kay ?

Tis the season of engagements, Christmas is the time of year when people make it official the most. I have a post about love being more valuable than a ring. I also believe that it’s the thought that counts as well. If a millionaire gave a person a 20.00 engagement ring, would the person still receive a kiss? The other day I posted about how some black people attack others behind their opinions, and this situation isn’t any different. There was a lady on Facebook who made a video about the possible reason for all the recent engagements. Kay Jewelers has a sale of rings and earrings for 19.99. The lady said that she noticed a lot of women getting in engaged with these rings for 19.99. Maannn!!! This lady’s video has gone viral, and she’s a black lady by the way. The video has thousands of comments which many are abusive name calling and shaming this lady behind her opinion. It’s comical to me because I guarantee that the very people who claim that the price of a ring doesn’t matter would act entirely different if they were in that position. If a guy has on Jordan’s and owns an iPhone X or a Samsung Galaxy S8 and proposed with a 19.99 ring? Would they say yes? Somebody ain’t being truthful. The high divorce rates and low marriages rates within the black community say so.

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For the record, I think the jewelry looks very pretty. I believe love is more important than a ring; material things come and go. There have been families who have lost all their valuables in a fire or flood. My point is how the woman who made a video about her opinion went viral with over a million views. People are giving her all this attention to be mean to her, and it isn’t right. Differences of opinion are just Not accepted, and they are welcomed with insults. I wouldn’t be surprised or doubt it if I’m being bashed somewhere behind expressing my opinions and experiences. A group is trashing me. But that’s only supporting what I am saying. Yeah, I said it!!!!

Live Unapologetic

Time and time again
I find myself talking
About things that
Really should not
Have to be explained
However I find myself
Doing it anyway
Why is it
When it comes to black women
Wanting to live well
It becomes an issue
There should absolutely
Be no excuse
To blatantly try to devalue
Black women because
They want more
Women who don’t
Want the dead-end constant drama
Of a hood love romance
It has no positive ways out
Majority of the time
It’s not a comedy TV show
Life in the hood
Aren’t good times
There’s nothing good about it
Black women needs to know
That’s it’s okay
To rise above the madness
It’s okay to level up
Life should not always be
All Mary J. Blige
Or Erykah Badu
Jammin to R & B tunes
All while we are memorized
About being on
Emotional roller coasters
That make us want to be soldiers
Of a war that we will fight alone
As single mothers to
To deadbeat fathers
It’s a war that we can’t win
We have to stop foolin ourselves
There comes a time to
Be all EnVogue
And free our minds
Get out the matrix
Of hood life
Neo nor Morpheus
Are nowhere in sight
There’s more to life
Than just getting by to survive
It’s okay to thrive
Who wants the hustle and bustle
To heck with the struggle
It’s okay to want to escape
To live life a better way
If it’s done right a way
It’s possible to be unscaved
Who wants to contribute
To a life of poverty
To be apart of the community
With a legacy
Of broken homes
It’s time to change
What is viewed as the norm
Who wants to be a poster child
Of making the most
Of a bad situation
Making ourselves numb
To pain
That kind of life
Doesn’t produce
Anything that’s satisfactory
Think of the possibilities
Of living differently
Without being made to feel guilty
It’s time to be set free
Start on a new path
To seek a different
Kind of intimacy
Embracing the struggle
Is more like slavery
We should never settle
We are special
It’s a good thing
To aim high
To dream big
To live well
To love ourselves
To want to be loved right
There’s nothing wrong
With not wanting to live
A life of agony
Living a life of despair
Is so unfair
No one deserves that
It’s burdensome
We are under no obligation
So make freedom
Be something
That becomes contagious
Live life unapologetic
And don’t look back