From my new book, “I Do, Marriage” Chapter 17, Our Put Back Together (Healing our marriage)

This is beautiful!!! God can change anything!!!

Kari Q.

marriage-636018_1280

Monday, February 25, 2019

RECONCILIATION – OUR PUT BACK TOGETHER

This is how couples learn that God is truly the glue to their marriage!

“Greater love hath no man than this,

that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

— John 15:13

I open up, (with permission from my husband, Frank) to share our experience so that you may live with the abundant life Jesus spoke of in John 10:10!

We often hear Christian couples declare, “God healed our marriage,”  but because it’s so personal and intimate, you never hear, “How exactly did Jesus do that?”  It’s as if God waved his Hand over their marriage and all the bad and ill feelings just went away.  

After my husband and I sold our home we were staying at his mom’s.  I was so upset with him. I felt there was no way to fix it. I…

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Spiritual Maturity

Throwback!!!!! My thoughts on marriage!!!!

Be Lifted

I will not and do not pretend that  I have it all together; however, I will say that I am a woman who has learned from her mistakes. One of the biggest mistakes that  I have done in the past is allowing my emotions to control me. Too many times we live off of our feelings when we live from off of our feelings, we don’t make wise choices. Spiritual maturity is knowing how to manage our emotions and not allowing them to control us. It’s good to have feelings they help us to be able to relate to others we can empathize and have compassion, but we can’t allow our feelings to lead us the wrong way. There can be no spiritual growth as long as we follow our feelings; we have to know what feels wrong but choose to do what is right.

The enemy mission is to…

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I Wanna Be

W-O-M-A-N
I am a woman
Before anything
I believe that
What God has
For me, is for me
Therefore I don’t
Have to beg for nothing
I have grown spiritually
I feel so free
I am a Woman of God
I’m resourceful
I’m educated
I am simply I
Can’t nobody
Bring me down
I’m floating
On cloud nine
I am ready
For God to send me
My guy
One who doesn’t make cry
But makes me smile
He allows me
To be me completely
To be what he needs
I want to be his safe place
I want to tell him
That everything will be okay
He can unburden himself
By telling me his
Hopes, fears, and if he is scared
And I still see him
As a man, because he is
I see him as my hero, still
We both feel secure
Even in a hundred years
I will love me some him
To everyone, I will
Make it loud and clear
So they better not
Be trying to fill his ear
With a bunch of nonsense
Because they don’t have
A man who is near and dear
To them
They will just be hating
He won’t fall into their
Trap because he will be
Wiser than that
He will realize that
They want to laugh
Not just at me
But at him too
He knows that
Once we are together
What we can do
As a team
Having one another’s backs
We know that misery
Loves company
But we won’t be joining
That party
I am going to have
To pass on the trauma bonding
Break the chains of pain
I will take the celebrating
I can’t wait for us
To worship together
To have walks together
Drink coffee
Cook dinner
Constantly build
Team up against the devil
And love one another
More and more each day
Besides what God is
To him
I wanna be
His everything
No no no
Not I wanna be
I’m gonna be
Just everyone wait and see
It has been a long time coming
A blessing in the making
Wink, Wink

The Love Dare

Anthony,
I decided to step back not because I don’t care about you because I do (very much so) I didn’t want to add to the confusion in your life it’s not what you need or deserve. From what you have shared with me it sounds like it’s very chaotic in your life after all this time I will touch back on that part later. There were so many times that I wanted to reach out to you, but I opted not to. Any decision that you choose should be yours alone, and no one should influence that I don’t care who the person is. What is meant to happen will find its way, and nothing or no one can stop what will be.

I am not going to preach, but I know that God is real He changed me whether you ever get to the point that you believe in Him that is entirely up to you. You have said “that all you wanted was to be able to talk to me.” it just wasn’t the right time. I admit it I was wounded, I was angry, and I was in my feelings God had to work on me it wasn’t a good time. I always felt like I had to fight for you, and I always felt like I wasn’t good enough; we both know the reasons why. Recently, I have asked you to please come to me if you have any questions about me don’t listen to anyone because messengers have motives. When someone tells you something, especially when it’s negative wonder what their motivation is because most times it’s not positive.

Anthony, when we got together, we were so very young. Once we got married, we had no guidance no one ministered to us about anything, which is why I want to counsel couples about marriage. Couples should know what real love is, so they will know how to love each other. I genuinely believe that any marriage can last; it’s what God intended; that’s why He hates divorce. All people have to do is put their egos aside and love their spouses enough. Everyone has days when they are unlovable, and that’s when the test comes in. If we can’t be real with our loved one, there is a problem; it’s imperative to allow them to be able to express their feelings. People have to understand that once a person chooses to marry them, they can’t stop learning about them because we change every day we can’t stop trying to keep their heart just because we feel that we have won it.

I want you to know that every couple has communication problems, not just us when we were a couple. Communication breakdowns will happen because people have different personalities; thus, differences will occur. People have to care about fixing the problem. Every marriage gets bland, has struggles, people get selfish, but people should never forget about the special spark that was the reason why they got married. After all, let’s be honest; no two people get married because they hate each other. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. It’s not something that is of convenience, marriage is hard, but it’s beautiful too. When people get married, it’s for better or worse, and well we all know the rest of the vows the truth is people only focus on the good parts which is the reason why they can’t handle the hard parts once they occur.

Regardless of the situation good or bad, the Bible says that all things work together for the good. Something good will come from out of all of this, and we all will see it, respect it, accept it, and hopefully grow from it. I will not talk about the past because there is nothing that we can do about that accept grow from it. I will not attack you because I have forgiven you. I won’t fight over you or start drama because God already knows what He is going to do. Also, I know the woman that I am there is no need for all of that. All I can do is trust God. I will say this a real woman who is doing what she should do should never allow her man to ever feel uncomfortable not at our ages. I’m not saying these things because of our history but because I have gained wisdom. If a woman is laying a foundation with her man, she lets everyone know what’s up no matter who they are. She makes everyone respect him because she understands that what a man desires the most is to be respected. She knows that a man goes through enough in the world and shouldn’t have to deal with it at home too. You know why I am saying what I am saying it doesn’t matter how much a person has done for you if they care and it’s from the heart why should it matter? Unless strings are attached to what a person does, perhaps? You are not a lazy man, and you pull your weight. I pray that what I have written frees you to do what you need to do. We are grown-ups there is no room for foolish games life is entirely too short for that. I am expressing myself, and I don’t think that I am putting myself out there; I am not begging you for anything. I am putting this out here on my blog for the whole world to see. Remember, love isn’t a fight; it’s worth fighting for if it’s right. Love is also an action word. Love isn’t a guilt trip or forced; it’s given freely, it’s not a headache, and it flows without problems.

Love With An Open Heart

Past relationships and experiences
Dictate how we interact
In future relationships
Causing us to armor up
To put our guards up
Which still allow
Past disappointments
To continue to take
Centerstage
We then
Come up with reasons
For our actions
Dress them up
By giving them different names
Whether it’s referred to
As a protective layer
Or a wall used to
Keep us from feeling
Vulnerable
Which in actuality
Keeps us from
Something that could
Potentially be special
Love requires the giving
Of oneself
Compromise and
Vulnerability
How Else will we be
Able to recognize
True love’s credibility
Then we can enjoy stability
Be set free
From past relationships
That was ugly
It’s important
For the heart to feel love
Feeling and loving is the only way
That the heart knows
Love is grounded
It accepts the imperfections
Of the person that
We love
Working through
Bad times while
Enjoying the good
Love is honesty
It gives people
The opportunity
To be themselves completely
Love is a journey
That should always
Be allowed to continue
It’s the only way
For the one that
Is for us
To find us
Life should not
Be about only surviving
Heartbreak
From past mistakes
Or merely existing
But thriving in happiness
And enjoying life
Now that’s living

The Raconteurs

Everyone on the planet Earth knows how much that I love Jack White. As 2018 started to come to a close I became completely bummed because Jack White’s tour was coming to an end. I was thinking about how much I would have to wear out the Boarding House Reach album in order to get my Jack White fix. Then news about The Raconteurs releasing an album happened, I got so excited. The best day ever occurred and SpongeBob Square Pants happiness had nothing on mine. Jack White is truly amazing. After about ten years the Raconteurs released two songs “Sunday Driver and Now That You’re Gone.” I love the song “Now That You’re Gone” the most, the guitar riffs on the song are remarkable. On top of everything, the Raconteurs will be touring too. Jack White is one of the hardest working musicians in the business.

A Personality Like Mine

I have to say that I am pretty proud of my personality. Some of the words that I would use to describe my personality are calm, balanced, compassionate, creative, loving, etc. My personality is more conscientiousness even though I feel that it can’t be narrowed down to one label. As much as I enjoy my personality, I am aware of my weaknesses or negative parts of it. However, with me knowing about the negative parts of my personality that can help me to work on what I need to.

Here is a little bit about my background; this will help to get a better understanding of my personality. I am the oldest of four girls. All of my life, I have had an enormous amount of responsibilities to handle it never bothered me. I am thinking because of my personality; my mother felt that I was capable of handling doing every task assigned. Examples of my jobs come home from school do my homework, walk to go pick up my sisters up from school, cook dinner, and wash clothes. I have a dominant personality; yet not overbearing. I do not allow myself to be a pushover and I did not give in to peer pressure.

As a teenager, I was very mature. At one point, while growing up, the teen pregnancy was high. It seemed like everywhere that I turned someone that I knew was pregnant. In my family, some relatives were having babies early as well. My first child was born when I was in my late twenties. There is a lot of peer pressure for teens sex, drugs, and drinking, to name a few rights to this very day. Teenagers have it hard going through puberty and then having to try to fit in.  Some people give in to peer pressure, especially teenagers they are not very strong-minded. I have a best friend she is like the life of the party everywhere that she goes. The mindset that she has is” you only live once” she does whatever makes her feel good. There is nothing wrong with having a mindset like my friend’s but that is not right for me to each their own.

Social class to me is like high school mentality to me; it’s all about being accepted socially by a particular group. Example, a poor person, cannot get in a country club unless they have a rich person that belongs to the club. The poor person can get connections through their rich friend. It’s all about the secret handshake, and I want no parts of that. Peers are the same way no matter the location I don’t care if a high school is in an affluent neighborhood, middle-class neighborhood, or lower class neighborhood there will be certain groups that only accept a certain kind of people. It sucks royally. The groups of people that are in every high school are the popular kids, the smart kids, the sporty kids, the troublesome kids aka bullies and the odd kids no matter how much time passes it’s always the same. The social class and peers have the least influence on my personality.

I was brought up in a Christian household; the way that I live my life is according to the Bible. I live for God and not for the acceptance of man. The Bible says “that we cannot serve two masters” Human beings are fair weathered one day they like you and one day they hate you. When I take a look around at society, there is no structure; nothing is stable based on the mindset. People do whatever they want without regards, whether it can affect someone else. It’s like they have a sense of entitlement. My Christian values influence my personality tremendously; I treat people like the way I would like to be treated. I want to be a bright light in a sometimes very negative dark world. I think about the consequences of my actions before making a move. The personality factors that apply to me the most are family, culture, and genetic determinants. I have explained how family and culture influence my personality. I also believe that genes are a factor as well; I get a lot of who I am from my mother she and I were always very close. The relationship between my mother and I was so great because our personalities were a lot alike. My mother and I looked very much alike, as well.

One personality factor aspect that doesn’t explain my personality entirely is environmental determinants. The personality that I have is not affected by the environment around me. I can be in a negative situation and will remain positive as well as upbeat. My belief is if the environment negatively affects people, then change it. I cannot think of a time when the environment made my personality change, especially not in a negative way.

I want to gain a better understanding of my personality because I want to be the best me that I can be. Right now, I am taking forensic psychology, but I would like to receive a master’s degree in counseling. My calling is to prepare couples for marriage and counseling during the marriage. The advice that I am going to do will be Christian based of course; however, even with that being said, a specific type of personality is required. In my opinion, there is a lot about my personality that prepares me for my career. A counselor has to be tolerant, supportive, empathetic, patient, and intuitive to name a few things.