Today is my birthday and I do not take it lightly at all. Birthdays in my eyes are a blessing everyday that I open my eyes are a blessing. There are people who made plans and the plans did not get completed.

Thinking of going into my forties would start so much anxiety in me. My mother passed away one day 44 and she did not see it. She was kept heavily medicated and so she never opened her eyes. Other people in my family passed away in their early forties as well. I miss my mother everyday there isn’t one day that passes by that she doesn’t cross my mind. There is a hole in my heart and it can never be filled. I would not want my sons to feel that pain ever especially my youngest who has autism. When his grandmother passed away that’s on his father side it devastated him it took a lot of work getting him to understand. He would go to a window look up to the sky and ask God to send his grandmother back. He’s gotten a lot better now when we prays he tells God to tell his grandmother hello. That’s why I am taking good care of myself by eating as clean as I can. I want to be here as long as I can. Yes people who are no longer here to complete their plans however what’s most important are the people who were left behind that miss them.

Yesterday I had a friend tell me that God told her to tell me to write down the desires of my heart and then pray about it afterwards. I did it of course I know that God will do what He sees that’s fit for my children and I. I’m just thankful and grateful to be alive. Thank You Father God for all that You have done, still do and will do I trust You.

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